Take this opportunity to get into MC and correct this problem. Dont just blow it off, you will be sorry...
You are right. I've just been able to tough my way out of problems in life. I have never been in a position with my wife where I have her against the ropes, and I am 100% not the guilty party.
It's like I don't know what to do without causing a huge ****storm. Maybe I'm burying my head in the sand....
I just don't have a clue what to do here. Hearing advice, and executing are two completely different bears to wrestle here.
Folks, I will be back tomorrow or the next day. My stomach is in my throat and I am not nearly as tired as I should be.
Thanks.
Jumping to conclusions and "heads on a stick" now is part of the mantra here so take it in stride. I genuinely feel for you and your wife. Thank God for your service and thank God for her support of you while you were in Iraq. Are you still struggling with PTSD type symptoms? Have you had any counseling for this. How about some joint counseling for both of you.
Your wife is obviously overqualified for the market job and to burn't out for the medical profession. Are there any non profits that she would be excited about volunteering at? Google non profit volunteer opportunities in your locale and see if there is something that may fulfill her a bit more.
Beyond those things my impression is that you know your wife pretty well and that there is something deeper here that is going on. As usual it sounds like communication is at the root. My best friend was in a special warfare unit for 25 years. He is my hero but it has taken a toll on his mind. He let things fester to long with no help.
Do not neglect this for the sake of your wife and child. I believe you can make this work because you have been through to much to let it slip through your fingers.
After she's used to the place and warms up, she's fine, but she never initiates conversation, or is a generally outgoing person at all.
There are adult classes on public speaking, maybe at the local community college, that help people who have trouble initiating and maintaining conversations.
I have heard of an organization called "Toastmasters" but I don't know anyone who's involved in it.
Maybe search out this or a similar organization or adult class and take it with your wife.
Toastmasters International (TI) is a nonprofit educational organization that operates clubs worldwide for the purpose of helping members improve their communication, public speaking and leadership skills. Through its thousands of member clubs, Toastmasters International offers a program of communication and leadership projects designed to help men and women learn the arts of speaking, listening, and thinking.
Hey FHD---you do not need anything more than what you already have
You need to sit down and talk to her, and tell her, if she wants this mge to continue, she is going to have to face some boundaries, restrictions, whatever you wanna call them
Take a few days think about what it is you DO NOT WANT HER DOING/CONTINUING TO DO---and give her your list
She has to go NC, and to stay out of that store. she probably needs to be removed from facebook, and all other social websites, she needs to be transparent, about her phone, and e-mail
Also she must know what the consequences will be, if she violates a boundary
Do not treat this lightly, if she thinks she got away with something here, she will cheat again knowing you did nothing this time
I didn't run. It's been a weird couple of days.
Things here are mellow, but tense at the same time. I am really bummed, confused, ashamed, clueless, etc...
I am not going to make a big deal out of this for a couple of reasons:
First, we have a 6 year old boy with autism. If we split up, I lose my boy. I don't care what anyone says about divorce court and child custody, I'm the one with the penis, therefore, I will pay child support and only get to see my kid every other weekend. Women usually don't buy this but I have seen it with nearly every friend that I have that is divorced. The woman gets custody, whether she's right or wrong.
Second, I have too much invested. I refuse to start over. I have worked too hard. She stuck with me through two tours in Iraq, she paid off all of our bills, cars and everything while I was gone. She could have taken me to the cleaners, but she didn't.
I don't want to be looked at as Robert Deniro's character in 'Casino', and I'm sure that I do, but I just can't break it off. I know that she will move back to the west coast, and I would never find a job there that pays as well or offers the benefits that my job here in NC offers.
I gamble if I stick with this. I will absolutely lose everything if I break this up.
This kid that she was talking to really blew off her comments. He never engaged anything, almost like he was scared. Personally, I would have jumped at the chance if I was him, but he just kind of giggles it off. I know this doesn't mean a damn thing, but there were no Rico Suave messages from him. He is a nerdy kid. I would be in county lock-up now if he was hitting on her, but there was absolutely nothing there to acknowledge anything that she had said.
I have spoken to nobody that I know about this. I have only vented on here. Everyone has a 'throw the ***** out' approach, and I don't have the heart. She stuck with me when I came back from Iraq and I couldn't sleep, and had difficulty adjusting back into civilian life. She's warm and very nice and an awesome mom. This kind of stuff isn't in her character, or never has been before. I can't live without my boy. He needs me every day, and I spent many, many months away from him while I was in the desert, and I refuse to ever do it again. I'm hurting, really ****ing bad, and needed somewhere to vent.
who said to "break off your marriage? Just take a stand about the inappropriatness of her e-mailing, enticing a 20 yr. old to make a move on her. She should quit this job, this job and her behavior will jeopardize your marriage.
who said to "break off your marriage? Just take a stand about the inappropriatness of her e-mailing, enticing a 20 yr. old to make a move on her. She should quit this job, this job and her behavior will jeopardize your marriage.
You may also want to point out that as they work together, her approaches to him could be construed as sexual harassment. (that 20 yo may be looking for a way to pay his college tuition.)
Next time, my WS was that way. She doesnt get along well with other women in the workplace and she doesnt keep friends more than a year or so... Whats up with that.. have some insight?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NextTimeAround
Frank, is your wife the type to say that she gets along better with men than with women?
Next time, my WS was that way. She doesnt get along well with other women in the workplace and she doesnt keep friends more than a year or so... Whats up with that.. have some insight?
Does your wife need to be the center of attention...the point that something has to happen whenever you're out with her.
What has she said about the female friends that she did have, however shortlived the friendship?
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Re: Wife flirts to make friends 
