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Needy female friend- is this emotional infidelity?

46K views 260 replies 60 participants last post by  turnera 
#1 ·
My husband and I dated for 5 years and have been married for 2. I trust him not to cheat on me sexually, but I wonder about his attachment to his friend.

My husband and this woman have been friends for 18 years. His closeness with her has made me uncomfortable from the start. Back when we were dating, he would have her over for "movie night" and they would watch movies in his closed bedroom all night long. I questioned their relationship back then, but he was never secretive about it and other friends would corroborate that there was nothing between them physically.

She's kind of a "guy's girl" - primarily has male friends, loves to go out drinking, burps, farts, etc in public without shame. She's smart, funny, and outgoing. I tried to maintain a friendship with her because she is important to my husband. After my first issues were resolved, I got over my concerns and accepted her as just another of my husband's many friends.

HOWEVER, since around the time my husband and I got married (2 years ago), she has been extremely needy and demanding of his time. We moved to a neighboring state, but live about 4 hours from her so visits aren't impossible. She has a common law husband that she been with for years, she has a large family and many friends local to her yet she calls my husband at all hours of the night and day for his help dealing with her problems.

He has been pretty good about more or less avoiding her calls, emails, texts, facebook messages, etc because he doesn't seem to like being smothered by her. But she keeps upping the stakes and finding ways to make him feel compelled to go see her. She's always relied on him to be her hero and I never had any jealousy or resentment, just a mild irritation that she doesn't find someone else to hold her hand through life's many hiccups.

I am currently seven months pregnant with our first child. I am no longer comfortable with my husband leaving me for days at a time to help his friend deal with her every day life. I haven't once said "you can't see her" or "it's her or me" or anything along those lines. But when she called him crying and demanding he go up there right away and he agreed to go up there. Since her reasons for needing him are becoming increasingly far-fetched (she think she has a brain tumor and her house was robbed but there is no police report, etc), I asked that my husband stop staying with her. Her "lover" (common law husband) is out of town and it would be the two of them alone all weekend. I don't think there is a sexual component in all of this, I think she is freaking out that her back up man and best male friend is now happily married and starting a family. But I also don't think it's fair that he stays with her and tends to her all night and day while he's in town. He used to stay with family, now he stays with this friend.

The level of "crazy" she has reached is really upsetting to me. She has started messaging me to get him to respond to her faster. "Tell him he HAS TO CALL ME, it's an emergency" or "I know your there, tell him to call me!" etc. I addressed it with my husband and expressed that I trust them not to be sexually intimate, but that he needs to talk to her about this. He agrees that once the baby is here she can't be doing this, but he also insists that staying with her is no big deal because her house is really comfortable and closer to town than his other housing options when he goes up there.

What it has come down to is the fact that he promised not to stay in her house this weekend when he goes up there again. He promised to stay with his mother who is very much looking forward to seeing him. But then I heard him on the phone telling his friend to "get the guest room ready for him" and making plans. I confronted him and he tried to make me feel silly for worrying. At this point, is the fact that he is choosing his own laziness (wanting a nicer room to bunk in) and her needs for his attentions over the simple request of his concerned wife grounds for claiming emotional infidelity?

I don't know what this will do to our relationship if he lies to me and stays with her anyway. I have told him so. I don't know what else to do. I feel like he gets a huge ego boost being the man she calls on despite her having many other options that are much closer. He's always liked being the hero and he always will. But with this particular friend, I am extremely uncomfortable. It's creating a lot of negative tension and he won't make any effort to do anything about it. Right down to telling me what I want to hear and planning to do what he wants anyway. To me, that feels like cheating.
 
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#2 ·
Oh my goodness.

I cannot believe that he even tries to justify this friendship. If it was a male friend it would be beyond inappropriate, so just because she has a vagina you are supposed to turn a blind eye to his bad decisions and putting a friend above your marriage.

It is a total cop out to say if you have concerns that you would be insecure or jealous. And they would be normal emotions to have any way.

Your husband leaves you, his pregnant wife, for days at a time to stay with a pushy, bossy rude 'friend' who uses him when her own spouse is gone for comfort etc.


Either you come first or she does.

Also no man or woman bends over back wards for someone they have no extreme emotional ties to or no sexual attraction. it's either one or the other or both. Those are supposed to be reserved for you now, not her.

BTW, why aren't you spending the weekend there with him?

Tell him his actions are making you lose respect for him as a man. Areal man has good boundaries with friends and puts his family first, and he doesn't have to be pressured into it, he knows where he stands and he takes his priorities seriously.
 
#3 ·
**** Since her reasons for needing him are becoming increasingly far-fetched (she think she has a brain tumor and her house was robbed but there is no police report, etc), I asked that my husband stop staying with her. Her "lover" (common law husband) is out of town and it would be the two of them alone all weekend.****

something I learned from my collapsed marriage.......do not underestimate a man's need to take care of the vulnerable.

Ask him what you should do in an emergency when he's away. And simply tell him that you are not happy when he leaves you like that.

If that doesn't work, hmmmm, but one thing is certain, I would do whatever I could to get this woman out of YOUR (plural) life.
 
#4 ·
For your H to include this particular friend among his other friends, to have dinner with this friend (with other friends) or a simple phone call is not cheating.

HOWEVER, when she calls and he jumps, and he stays at her home alone, and becomes her "knight in shining armor" (at her beck and call) then yes, he most certainly is crossing the line since he is now married to you. There are boundaries that she appears to demand that he cross, and his "knight in shining armor" persona is willingly responding to this. This relationship is potentially dangerous as there appears to be "three in this marriage".

I often wonder (and forgive me for relating your situation to something so public) if the current Duchess of Cornwall, the notorious Camilla, didn't pull such "needy" stunts in order to maintain her relationship with Prince Charles while he was married to Diana. Camilla was married as well (and your OW is in a relationship). Camilla had a relationship with Charles before he married Diana (same as your OW). The "Couple" Charles/Camilla maintained that relationship throughout his marriage to Diana, and we see where that got them.

The point of the above reference is this. The OW is being manipulative and cunning; maintaining what she deems "her territory" (aka your H) in spite of your marriage to him. And, by your H's response, he appears to be accepting the status quo. While your "knight in shining armor" might be innocent of any intention to be involved with this OW, She on the other hand has other options (as you noted) and using YOUR H for domestic duties is a blatant way of keeping him at her beck and call. Using YOU to make sure HE calls HER is also overstepping the line as well. You and your H are a married couple now and the rules have changed.

You should absolutely insist that your H stay at his family's home, not her home. You should further insist that he not attend to her alone, but bring a family member or friend. If he absolutely must help the poor dear :rolleyes:, either you should accompany him or someone else should. Make it difficult for them to be together alone.

Please keep us updated here as I understand your concerns.
 
#5 ·
I've mentioned to him as well that the gender has little to do with it. I would be just as upset and uncomfortable if it was a male friend calling him at all hours and demanding frequent visits.

My husband doesn't see this as anything other than spending time with a friend. He intends to see other friends while he is away and often does when he goes up there. I really do trust him not to cheat, but at the same time it feels like he already is. I sort of figured that wife (pregnant wife, no less) trumped childhood friend when it came to this sort of thing, but apparently we have equal footing.

I'm sure if I cried and asked him to stay, he would. But I don't want to be that person. Plus he would resent me for it I'm sure.

My biggest fear is that now that I have laid down the law regarding him staying under the same roof as her, that he will do it anyway. I'm so hormonal and emotional right now that it feels like it will be the end of my ability to trust him if he can't do this one thing for me. It's been a problem in our marriage that he does what he wants to do no matter what my thoughts are on the matter. But this is in a different category than my usual complaints.

I work from home and can only leave for a day at a time. I plan to go up for a night this weekend, but he will be up there Thursday through Sunday.
 
#6 ·
I suppose if you wanted to get really aggressive, you could, in the name of being helpful, call around to other people that you and she know in common, asking if they can help her because it's really not feasible for you and your husband to do so.

It depends on how much your husband is determined to "choose" his friends as to how he will react to that. But one thing is certain, that situation can't continue as is. And I feel certain that she will escalate it further.
 
#7 ·
Is this something that is considered infidelity? Or does it get a different label?

All I know is that if he promises not to stay with her and does so anyway, I will never trust him again. And that's a pretty big problem. Knowing my husband he will do what he wants to do and then say "I didn't feel well and I needed to stay in town" or something to excuse the fact that he blatantly disregarded my feelings on the matter.

Maybe if I address it with her? But I worry that will make it just a big dramatic mess of stupidity.
 
#8 ·
Is this something that is considered infidelity? Or does it get a different label?

All I know is that if he promises not to stay with her and does so anyway, I will never trust him again. And that's a pretty big problem. Knowing my husband he will do what he wants to do and then say "I didn't feel well and I needed to stay in town" or something to excuse the fact that he blatantly disregarded my feelings on the matter.

Maybe if I address it with her? But I worry that will make it just a big dramatic mess of stupidity.
I have tried open honest discussion in the past and it has only backfired on me. These people don't play fair. You disclose how you feel; you try to get them to make the same disclosure; you try to negotiate; gain agreement and move forward.

It just doesn't work. there are times when the one who is looking to negotiate is viewed as the weaker part. and as the say in the Miranda rights: anything you say can and will be used against you in the (social) court of law.

Let's strategise here
1. You are married to him. so this is not a fly by night relationship.
2. You are carrying his baby. One would hope that even the grandparents and other in laws will be interested in helping to create a stable home life.

Tell your husband you do not like him taking time off to help this woman and that you will ask around to see if other people in the neighbour hood can help. and then do just that.
 
#10 ·
You might have mentioned it, but why is your husband going back to this "town" where both his mother and friend live? Business? Pleasure? Just for this friend?

As you stated, they are very close, I assume like brother and sister since there is no physical interaction between them and they have know eachother for 18 yrs. so I am sure he is just looking out for her. However, he can do that at his own home, on the telephone.

You are now pregnant, he definately should not be attending this woman's every need, that is a huge problem. He needs to address this with her immidately. I think until he does the friend will continue to pursue his comfort.

Ask him to talk with her about this and see if that will change. If not maybe she needs a wake-up call from you. Sometimes woman are so distracted with themselves, she might not be thinking about your needs or concerns.
 
#13 ·
I understand where you're coming from. but i tried this tact when I was married, it always came across as spiteful. And well, since I'm divorced, this line of thinking didn't really work.

I think it's better to follow the spouse's line of thinking. If, like in this case, the husband believe that she really does need help, then the wife could do everyone a favour by finding people closer to her who can help her.
 
#14 ·
Your husband is investing way too much time in this woman and her problems, and it's unreasonable of him to expect you to be happy about him going to stay with her.

Frankly, this sort of friendship is too close to be allowed to continue when either one of the parties (or in this case, both) enters into a committed relationship.

She's overstepping the boundaries of, even, a same sex friendship, and your husband needs to put on the brakes.
 
#16 ·
She's trying to up the ante and be a girlfriend. This is definitely an emotional affair.

You should tell him to choose the marriage or his wannabe girlfriend.

People like this make me want to vomit. Your husband is too busy playing knight to the damsel in distress to see where his priorities should be.

This is definitely worth leaving over, if he can't get his loyalties properly aligned because it will only worsen.
 
#17 ·
She's trying to up the ante and be a girlfriend. This is definitely an emotional affair.

You should tell him to choose the marriage or his wannabe girlfriend.

People like this make me want to vomit. Your husband is too busy playing knight to the damsel in distress to see where his priorities should be.

This is definitely worth leaving over, if he can't get his loyalties properly aligned because it will only worsen.
this s why I think quite often that men need someone to save. Women who come across as too independent and self-sufficient have these problems.
 
#18 ·
Someone asked, but I didn't see a reply... why are YOU not going with him? Why can't you BOTH go, spend time with his mom, and he can help this woman with whatever fabricated emergency she has? He should NOT be leaving you alone at 7 months pregnant... not unless it is something ONLY HE CAN ADDRESS! You and I both know there are people in that town who could just as easily help her in these 'crises'. And waiting until the baby is born/ Oh HELL NO! Put your foot down NOW! There is NO reason a man should go running off to help some woman, leaving his PREGNANT wife at home, alone. Bad enough when it is before pregnancy... but during? If he doesn't stop now, it WILL continue after the baby is born. Bottom line, he needs to stop this behavior now, not later! Incidentally, if my husband tried this BS during my pregnancies, he WOULD have been told "the friend or me... and choose wisely"
 
#19 ·
First of all I understand where you are coming from, but, you allowed a friendship to continue that should have ended years ago. It is not a good relationship, you know that, but you allowed it and actually by your actions promoted it. Now you are seeing the light. As an outsider this relationship should have ended when you started dating.
 
#44 ·
I think that's a bit mean. the general consensus out there in real life is that it is cool to have opposite sex friendships and if you aren't cool with it, then the problem is with you. Let's see, paranoid, jealous, insecure.

Probably everywhere she went before she got here, she was told to do nothing because the relationship "says more about them than it does about her" or some such.
 
#20 ·
I agree with Maricha at this point this whole situation is going to lead to you resenting him. Plus I don't believe a word this girl is saying. It sounds like she and he have and emotional attachment. These usually lead to something more. Stop this now before something irreparable happens. You are not on equal footing and show him you mean business. This woman is obviously not wanting to just be friends. I pretty much talk to my childhood best friend once a month. Why? because we have lives separate from each other. This guy is emotionally attached otherwise it would be easy as hell to tell a friend to just back off. Friends respect boundaries.
 
#22 ·
You need to get very firm. Not *****y but firm. We men are extremely susceptible to girls in distress, and the things she's whispering to him are stroking his ego.
He definitely needs to break contact with this woman. Even if his heart is not being turned, she is definitely in love with him. You need to fight.
 
#23 ·
Sometimes, you have to pull out the big gun and give an ultimatum. Try everything else first, but if he doesn't completely commit to you and what is going to be best for your little family, give him the ultimatum to go and be with her. This can be the most powerful move in your arsenal. It can also be the weakest (if you are bluffing). So be prepared to follow through. Never bluff when giving an ultimatum.

When DH and I were at about year 2.5, I had to do this. When we got married, rather than mellowing out on the partying lifestyle, DH ramped it up.

It was a bone of contention with us from pretty much the first month of our marriage. It got worse and worse, and then just at the point that I was ready to walk away, he straightened out on his own, and we had smooth sailing for about a year.

Then, when our first child was about 4 months old, the party bug hit him again. He was going out, promising to be back by a certain, reasonable time, but not showing up until 4 am, staggering drunk, passing out. He felt justified for his behavior because he had been "good" for so long. We had arguments and fights about it. I nagged. Nothing worked.

One night, he stumbled in. He had driven home drunk, he passed out for a while in the bathtub. I was disgusted and sick and tired of it. So, I got my suitcase out and began to pack. It was 3 am. He wandered out and I sat him down. Told him that I would no longer live like this. That I had planned on leaving him before, but he had been able to straighten himself out before I actually walked out the door. Now, we had a kid, and I would not raise my child in that environment. So, that was it. No nagging, fighting, or crying. I just told him how it was. He sobered up real quick. We had a long discussion about his behaviors and what was acceptable and unacceptable. He seemed to get it. I basically told him that there were no more second chances. The behavior changed or me and the kid were gone. Period.

Moral of the story: I laid it all on the line, ready to walk away. No bluff. We are still together. 14 years now. And I have never had to issue another ultimatum. I haven't even had to hint at it. He knows now, if I am dead serious about a problem, my solution will be dead serious too.

Caveat: At about year 4, he did have one little backslide. A loophole (if you will) that I tied up real quick and not a single problem since then.
 
#27 ·
Doesn't matter if they are childhood friends, this is inappropriate and is filling emotional needs on both sides that should be filled by the others SO.

I understand that you don't want to be seen as a controlling/needy person, But what about YOUR NEEDS!! You matter and need to come first, soon it won't be just your needs that he is ignoring it will be your CHILD'S NEEDS as well.

I would suggest communicating this to him sooner rather than later.
 
#29 ·
Why would you even alow this in the first place? If he was watching moving in a bedroom with the door closed all night with another women!!!! I don't care if it is not physical it is still cheating. It is emotional cheating!! He and she are getting a emotional need meet by someone other then their mate. That is cheating PERIOD!!! You let this go on for too long and now to make a stand is going to be difficult but you/he has to end it other wise it will be a source of discontent throughout your marriage. FYI you can bet they both have thought of each other in a sexual nature no matter how much they deny it.
 
#31 ·
My husband and I had a long discussion about the matter on a trip home to see my family for my birthday. 3 hours in the car each way allowed for a lot of talk time. He defended his friend and his fidelity. I explained many times over that I was never truly concerned about them having sex, but the fact that he was defending her like she had equal status was the problem in itself.

At one point he pulled off the road and called his friend. I was horrified and asked him not to make this is a discussion with her. It's our marriage, she doesn't get a say in it. He did it anyway while I just sat there and cried. He told her that I wasn't allowing him to see her anymore because I thought they were having a sexual affair- which is not the case at all! Then he handed me the phone which I started not to take, but then figured "what the hell" and explained to her my issues in a general way.

I said that I respect their 18 years of friendship, that I am not concerned about any sexual component to their relationship, but that I cannot accept that she reaches out to him for her every emotional need. That I cannot allow my husband to spend weekends alone with her regardless of how many other friends they see while he's up there. She cannot call EVERY DAY and she needed to find another support base. She did the whole "I understand" thing and then proceeded to give me marital advice!!!! I told her I was not going to have this conversation with her and hung up.

I tried a different approach with my husband the next day on our return trip home. I calmly gave examples of what he does for me as my husband- birthday trips, attending funerals, attending weddings, holding me when I'm upset, etc. Then I explained that she calls him for the EXACT same things despite the fact that she has her own husband. Because that's the issue. He seemed to understand it when he realized that she does ask him to attend funerals, weddings, etc with her. He said he wouldn't stay with her and that he was sorry.

I have now told them both as honestly as I am able that my husband isn't for sharing. He is going to be a father in September and the situation as it stands is unacceptable.

At one point I said "her or me" or something to that effect. I made it clear that I consider this an emotional affair and I will not be with someone who can't respect my feelings on this. Rational or not, the fact that he won't just walk away speaks volumes.

I did an immature thing and I snooped. For the first time in 7 years I looked through his cell phone.

He messaged her after we got home- after we had that horrible three way conversation on the side of the road the previous day and said "worst pregnancy tolerance ever"
She replied: " I'm afraid 2 talk 2 u. after that... that was upsetting. you're not coming r u 2"

He said: "No, not this weekend, unlikely but we'll see. I need to smooth things over big time. You are welcome and wanted to come down. I'll probably try and make it up next weekend instead since this weekend is"

She said: "Okay well that will be good u will get to see everyone. I'm out of town. I don't feel comfortable coming down at all anymore. I feel bad I made her so upset"


He has also spoken to her several times since we got home over the phone, but never when I was around apparently. True to his word he has been wonderful to me lately. When he mentioned plans to go home to see friends, I offered to accompany him. The "other woman" is apparently going to be out of town, but I still want to make an effort to see his friends and visit with his mother. He's not sure he wants me to go because I'm a "party pooper" which is exceptionally hurtful, but I guess true. I don't like to stay out until 2 am watching him party with his friends from high school, but I would do the best I can at 7 months pregnant to stay awake with him. I figured I would just go back to his mother's house while he was out late being social. But I've been emotional lately and he doesn't want me to ruin his good time it seems.

And to be completely honest, I'm not 100% convinced that his friend won't magically be in town and he won't accidentally forget his word and stay with her. Yes, her home is more comfortable. Yes, her home is closer to town. Yes, it would be the end of my ability to trust him again if he disregards my feelings and stays with her. It would quite possibility be the end of our marriage. I will not tolerate infidelity (even if he only considers sex cheating) and I will not tolerate abuse. This, in many ways, is both.

I've told him as much. It's all I can do. I thought I might message her before he leaves this weekend (or whenever he goes up there next) and say "Just as you do not feel comfortable in my home, I do not feel comfortable with my husband in yours. Please respect that" and I will tell him the same. His inability to just simply respect my feelings regardless of his personal take on things has been problem for years. But this is one where he'll have "let me have my way" or this marriage can't last.
 
#32 ·
My husband and I had a long discussion about the matter on a trip home to see my family for my birthday. 3 hours in the car each way allowed for a lot of talk time. He defended his friend and his fidelity. I explained many times over that I was never truly concerned about them having sex, but the fact that he was defending her like she had equal status was the problem in itself.

At one point he pulled off the road and called his friend. I was horrified and asked him not to make this is a discussion with her. It's our marriage, she doesn't get a say in it. He did it anyway while I just sat there and cried. He told her that I wasn't allowing him to see her anymore because I thought they were having a sexual affair- which is not the case at all! Then he handed me the phone which I started not to take, but then figured "what the hell" and explained to her my issues in a general way.

I said that I respect their 18 years of friendship, that I am not concerned about any sexual component to their relationship, but that I cannot accept that she reaches out to him for her every emotional need. That I cannot allow my husband to spend weekends alone with her regardless of how many other friends they see while he's up there. She cannot call EVERY DAY and she needed to find another support base. She did the whole "I understand" thing and then proceeded to give me marital advice!!!! I told her I was not going to have this conversation with her and hung up.

I tried a different approach with my husband the next day on our return trip home. I calmly gave examples of what he does for me as my husband- birthday trips, attending funerals, attending weddings, holding me when I'm upset, etc. Then I explained that she calls him for the EXACT same things despite the fact that she has her own husband. Because that's the issue. He seemed to understand it when he realized that she does ask him to attend funerals, weddings, etc with her. He said he wouldn't stay with her and that he was sorry.

I have now told them both as honestly as I am able that my husband isn't for sharing. He is going to be a father in September and the situation as it stands is unacceptable.

At one point I said "her or me" or something to that effect. I made it clear that I consider this an emotional affair and I will not be with someone who can't respect my feelings on this. Rational or not, the fact that he won't just walk away speaks volumes.

I did an immature thing and I snooped. For the first time in 7 years I looked through his cell phone.

He messaged her after we got home- after we had that horrible three way conversation on the side of the road the previous day and said "worst pregnancy tolerance ever"
She replied: " I'm afraid 2 talk 2 u. after that... that was upsetting. you're not coming r u 2"

He said: "No, not this weekend, unlikely but we'll see. I need to smooth things over big time. You are welcome and wanted to come down. I'll probably try and make it up next weekend instead since this weekend is"

She said: "Okay well that will be good u will get to see everyone. I'm out of town. I don't feel comfortable coming down at all anymore. I feel bad I made her so upset"



He has also spoken to her several times since we got home over the phone, but never when I was around apparently. True to his word he has been wonderful to me lately. When he mentioned plans to go home to see friends, I offered to accompany him. The "other woman" is apparently going to be out of town, but I still want to make an effort to see his friends and visit with his mother. He's not sure he wants me to go because I'm a "party pooper" which is exceptionally hurtful, but I guess true. I don't like to stay out until 2 am watching him party with his friends from high school, but I would do the best I can at 7 months pregnant to stay awake with him. I figured I would just go back to his mother's house while he was out late being social. But I've been emotional lately and he doesn't want me to ruin his good time it seems.

And to be completely honest, I'm not 100% convinced that his friend won't magically be in town and he won't accidentally forget his word and stay with her. Yes, her home is more comfortable. Yes, her home is closer to town. Yes, it would be the end of my ability to trust him again if he disregards my feelings and stays with her. It would quite possibility be the end of our marriage. I will not tolerate infidelity (even if he only considers sex cheating) and I will not tolerate abuse. This, in many ways, is both.

I've told him as much. It's all I can do. I thought I might message her before he leaves this weekend (or whenever he goes up there next) and say "Just as you do not feel comfortable in my home, I do not feel comfortable with my husband in yours. Please respect that" and I will tell him the same. His inability to just simply respect my feelings regardless of his personal take on things has been problem for years. But this is one where he'll have "let me have my way" or this marriage can't last.
Tell me if this sounds similar:

Him: [Maricha] saw text conversation and freaked out that she was gonna lose me.
Her: I'm sorry, maybe we should just stop talking. I don't want to cause trouble....
Him: No, no, she's ok with it, as long as there is no sexual talk at all.
Her: I just don't want to come between you...
Him: You won't, trust me... or more like you won't trust me. :p

A few days later, I found out EXACTLY how they felt. And I gave the ultimatum of her or me. He chose me, his wife, the woman he pledged to spend the rest of his life with. Yea, at one point, she actually said "no offense, but maybe now, she knows a little of how you felt"... and she even had the audacity to ask me "did you ever stop to think maybe I am the reason for his behavior now?".... EA, and it got squashed.... 12 years married and counting. And that b!tch is out. :)
 
#33 ·
Any relationship or friendship that causes problems for your marriage has to go.

Your M should be more important to your H than this friendship. (As you already know!)

And his wife's happiness should come first.

It's not about control. It's about marital boundaries and respecting the feelings of your spouse above all others.

Your H's friendship with this woman is so inappropriate and I'm sorry for your frustration. I would be furious with him after that conversation. Not acceptable at all.

I hope MC can help you.
 
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