Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
wanting to stay with your spouse and make it work and then that same day think **** it..I am done!!
I just find that the majority of my days are like this...my mind starts racing and thinking this is ridiculous why am I staying with someone that cheated on me by having an EA and lied about it for months...and then the next minute I feel more positive and want to work it out. Please tell me this is normal and will subside over time...
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
This is what makes an EA so hard. If it was a PA, a lot of us would pack our bags and throw out the idea of 'working it out'. Noone ever plans for a EA, and as much as the lying, love you chats, and disrespect that goes on behind your back, she never crossed that line physically. It leaves us torn with our own principles. If you cheat, you are gone.... but wait, she didn't cheat that way.....
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
My H had a PA and is the one on the roller coaster. His coaster is due to PTSD / MLC and started before the affair. The coaster made him weak enough to expose himself to the potential for an affair, and guess what - it happened.
Although we are together now (going on 2 weeks after a 6 month separation) and in both marriage counseling and individual counseling, he still somewhat struggles with the roller coaster.
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Yes, it's normal, and it's ok to feel that way. Think of it as you getting your power and control back over your life - you get to make the choice whether you want to stay or not, what comes next in your life and how. You are evaluating, every day, every minute what you want and don't want. You are making the choice. YOU are making the choices. YOU are in control over your life now.
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aristotle
This is what makes an EA so hard. If it was a PA, a lot of us would pack our bags and throw out the idea of 'working it out'. Noone ever plans for a EA, and as much as the lying, love you chats, and disrespect that goes on behind your back, she never crossed that line physically. It leaves us torn with our own principles. If you cheat, you are gone.... but wait, she didn't cheat that way.....
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Normal, yes. Have those moments quite often. Is R worth it? Why did she do it? It is like treading water hoping you can reach out and grab something to rest and be safe. Hope that time does bring healing.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Your love for them makes you want to stay and rebuild the relationship, your pride and ego screams how can you stay with someone who could betray you so completely. Happens everyday the feelings last for hours or just minutes I found it is worse when I am by myself (work alone most days) and it does feel better when she is around to comfort and recenter me, of course then some of the things she says or even seeing her can trigger the mind stuff.
Think of it like running a marathon you may feel good one mile but the next is pure hell, the next 5 miles may be that way but if you keep going stay focused you will win, of course everyone finishes at their own pace.
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zippy the chimp
Your love for them makes you want to stay and rebuild the relationship, your pride and ego screams how can you stay with someone who could betray you so completely. Happens everyday the feelings last for hours or just minutes I found it is worse when I am by myself (work alone most days) and it does feel better when she is around to comfort and recenter me, of course then some of the things she says or even seeing her can trigger the mind stuff.
Think of it like running a marathon you may feel good one mile but the next is pure hell, the next 5 miles may be that way but if you keep going stay focused you will win, of course everyone finishes at their own pace.
Very insightful. you nailed it Zip. i live in an apartment during the week away from my family so I do not have my wife around to recenter me. But you really nailed it.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thorburn
Very insightful. you nailed it Zip. i live in an apartment during the week away from my family so I do not have my wife around to recenter me. But you really nailed it.
Re: Is it normal while you are in R to swing between....
I am going through the same thing right now. I have been trying to write my feelings down in the morning and later in the day. The rest of the day I try to stay off the negative.
This has allowed me to re focus on my job. There are so many of us here that are going through the samething.
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Is it normal while you are in R to swing between.... 
