So did I fail to mention to you all how much I HATE my life right now seriously. I am destroying everything good because I have soooo much hate inside so much hate. what do you do about that I feel like I want to explode with ANGER.
forgiveness. this is the only answer. Forgive him/her... doing this is not for them, it is not done for their benefit.. it's totally for you..
You have to forgive, in order to let go...
I know your hubby hurt you, and so did your best friend. They kissed, more than once, this was a horrible betrayel by both of them. You are angry because you feel you've been hurt, and you didn't deserve this. You didn't, you have been hurt and you're entitled to feel sad, angry...
the feelings of hatred will eat you alive if you let them.
You will have to have the strength to forgive, this is the only way you will be free of the hate and anger.
try it....
It's not about excusing what your hubby did, or what she did. You dont' even have to say anything to either of them, unless you want to
Forgive them in your own heart. Resolve to put this behind you and forgive. You will never forget, and that is okay. You might still struggle with trusting your hubby,and that is okay.... don't ever deny your feelings.
But the hate, the anger... it has to be let go, before it controls you. The easiest way to accomplish this, is to forgive. Does that mean you sit by and let him do this again? No course not..
But forgive past wrongs. The past is the past.. let it be. And let your heart live and be happy again...
Forgiveness and COUNSELING. You are DEFINITELY at the stage of hate/anger/crazyness that requires counseling.
Marina is right, the only answer to relieving the anger is forgiveness. If you hold it in and never forgive him, you, as I have told you many times, will ruin your marriage.
If you can't forgive on your own, then you need to seek out some counseling.
If you can't do either of those then maybe divorce is the only answer...but you may then hate yourself for letting a good thing (your husband) go.
I KNOW ughh I know maybe I really should go back into counseling you know I just think that I need help to deal with all my feelings and emotionally I am a wreck then I am great. I HATE IT. I am letting everything get to me and anytime something bad happends it always turns to this there is just something that I cant let go of? I dont know what it is maybe I just lost a peice of me in this thing that happend I dont know? I dont know what I need.
You are saying that I should leave? It all happend last halloween and I found out this halloween so... Its fresh. Its grade school crap to you maybe but it wasnt just about a kiss ans A$$ grab it was trust lies secrets. thats what hurts. But he didnt want to lose me and she didnt either. WHAT TO DO?
Before you judge, read my post grade school if so I have a PHD in such matters.
Summer 1981 it’s a hot one in Brooklyn, the wife of 7 years expresses honey need some time to relax as a mother. I granted her the freedom to be with her girlfriends. Well, this freedom was to be the entire summer of 1980.
I noticed her demeanor changed she became so loving prior to going out for the evening. Why can I cook you a meal, I gave daughter a bath etc. I do not know but a feeling came over me something wasn't right. Why anybody here who underwent this knows this and the yearning to ask. Then I guess guilt or who knows what but one night she literally called out in her sleep "Ohhh Gregory".
I then asked her a week later "have you been cheating" she responded yes it was a guy called "Gregory" to whom she met dancing. The nightly freedom trysts became a habit. My wife would go dancing at club, dancing with Gregory, drinking, diner then to his place for intercourse. Then back home to play mommy/wife again.
Well, I guess the next 4 months was the usual thing for a cheated on spouse. The rage, anger, hate and the feeling's to forgive. There would be no sex, love and minimum talking.
Then the big explosion (LEARNING FOR THE FORUM). It became apparent the neighborhood, friends, relatives knew about the affair. So not was the affair private (or a so called one night fling) it was the discussion of many persons. The trysts became an alternate life by wife. I was to be pitied by women and laughed at by men. This came back to me via acquaintances over the years since this period.
FORUM: OVER THE YEARS LEARNED THIS IS A FACTOR IN DECISION MAKING TO STAY/LEAVE/HATE OR FORGIVE. THE CHEATING SPOUSE WAS IT A FLING IN PRIVATE, A PUBLIC AFFIAR, AND GOD WITH THE INTERNET IS YOUR LOVE ONES PICS ON A MYSPACE OF FACEBOOK SITE VIA A CELL PHONE CAMERA PICTURE.
The next 2 years there would be no sex, love, holidays (personal and calendar). There would be discussions between us; she never wanted to be completely open always stating it’s in the past why don't you forget it. I was so tired of taking care of house and child, I needed a relaxation period.
My responses were you f***** another guy, and I go to work sometimes for 16 hrs and have no thoughts of cheating on you. Then as another posted here, the man forced me to have sexual intercourse with him (THIS IS LAUGHABLE AS MANY TIMES TOLD HER TO CALL THE POLICE AND CHARGE RAPE SHE REFUSED). We supposedly are a couple I told her.
The usual was no responses.
FORUM: THE FOLLOWING OFTEN EMPLOYED BY CHEATER, WHY CAN'T YOU GET OVER IT, THE OBVIOUSLY LETS TURN IT AROUND IT’S YOUR FAULT AND THE EVER GOOD IT WAS FORCED SEX EXCUSE. THIS LEARNED OVER THE YEARS FROM MANY A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR.
Well, it’s now 1982 there is nothing left. I guess god intervened at this time. Go pour yourself a coffee or drink at this time.
I was driving down the street and guess whom comes out of a tavern with a man, its wife poo. I kept driving and never addressed it.
But in the coming weeks found out there would be no nightly trysts but sex replaced with behind dumpsters, junkyards or ever so convenient oral in car. This came from mutual friends, and was made factual over the years.
FORUM: ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED FROM MANY A CONSELOR; THE CHEATING SPOUSE HAS TAKEN DOWN THE BOUNDRIES OF MARRIAGE. A FORGIVEN SPOUSE MAY NOT HAVE AN AFFAIR AGIAN, BUT THE PLUMBER IS GAME FOR A ONE TIME FLING. THE EXPRESSION ONCE A CHEATOR ALWAYS A CHEATER CAN BE VERY VERY APPLICABLE WHEN YOU CONSIDER A LIFETIME TOGETHER WITHOUT BOUNDRIES.
One day as she was coming down the stairs in home, fell down the entire flight. There was to be no injury. I simply laughed out loud for a long and hard period.
At this point I simply walked out of the home with nothing but my pride intact.
Ya I am sorry your situation is much more crazy then mine I am not trying to play the victom I just like to come and express my feelings and thought on here I may not have situations as bad as you guys but it could have been? I just needed to vent.
One day as she was coming down the stairs in home, fell down the entire flight. There was to be no injury. I simply laughed out loud for a long and hard period.
I understand being hurt that you were cheated on... but seriously, am I the only one that thinks this is a bit sadistic? Laughing at anyone who has just fallen down an entire flight of stairs? I am glad she was not injured,, I hope you checked to make sure she was not hurt, before you started laughing....
I have a big rage problem, too. I started going to counseling. I read books. A break through for me was right during a time when I was starting to boil over at my H, I went to an emergency counseling session. That was about five months ago and I havent lost it since.
Just be patient with yourself. We dont come with owners manuals. You'll have to learn one day at a time, and unfortunately it does take a lot of time.
Ya I hate that though time I hate it I am losing myself slowly like yesterday my daughter I had no idea it was short day she was stranded at school. UGHH then this morning I went to take her to school and NO SCHOOL OMG I just need to get my crap together. I DO. I am losing it. I need your help!
Ya I went to see a therapist and I think it was ok I am not really sure what my issue is? I dont know if I just need those success story's or someone to relate to or what I need.
One day as she was coming down the stairs in home, fell down the entire flight. There was to be no injury. I simply laughed out loud for a long and hard period.
I understand being hurt that you were cheated on... but seriously, am I the only one that thinks this is a bit sadistic? Laughing at anyone who has just fallen down an entire flight of stairs? I am glad she was not injured,, I hope you checked to make sure she was not hurt, before you started laughing....
To this day, those 61 seconds was all my demons set free and to me being totally empowered over the situation and life. The counseling and drugs the wasted 2 years of trying to forgive/forget. I have used many years the subject of self destruction in the endeavor to understand the rational of affirs, why not get a divorce and the world is yours. Then go run to your lover and take it all.
Sadistic, is a person to whom looks back never really forgiving/forgetting and regrets a life long indecision. Yes, and that is 78% of spouses that elect to push under the mat and move on. So unless somebody has created a life back in which the lost years can be recovered this is sadistic.
Acually all happened in 61 seconds.
Boom, boom crash and thud (3 seconds)
Silence (10 seconds)
You Ok (2 seconds)
Yes (1 second)
Laughing so hard (20 seconds)
She staring at me in disbelief (10 seconds)
Walking to door opening and ever going back (15 seconds).
Trust me, I have known for 28 yrs this fall would be nothing to what was to be issed by a higher authority.
Lost house
Lost car
Lost montetary worth
Lover became abuser husband beating for over 20 yrs.
AIDS
Illegimate child
Social services
As my counselor stated at last session, you now are whole again go seek happiness and feel free to call anytime.
We have talked over the years, she is retired and joked perhaps you need to become a professional as a victim you are beyond strong with the wisdom of living life.
Hate hate hate.
