My husband is going out of town for a couple of days on business with some male coworkers. All are married.
I found a text conversation with one of his coworkers about the trip and they were discussing sharing hotel accommodations, etc. My husband asked his coworker "Are there going to be any hot chicks there?" The coworker made a crude joke about masturbation in response, but then suggested they go out to watch a band. My husband wrote back, "We can get a couple of chicks" and suggested that a girl could do sexual things for him. The coworker did not respond to this suggestion, but moved on to business talk.
Do I need to worry or is this just joking between guys? And if it is something to worry about, how should I handle the situation?
Before I get slammed about snooping on my husband, I get paranoid sometimes because he had an EA/possibly PA a couple of years ago that he still denies even though he was confronted with solid evidence. So, yeah, there's some trust issues, and yeah, I do sometimes sneak a look at his texts.
My husband is going out of town for a couple of days on business with some male coworkers. All are married.
I found a text conversation with one of his coworkers about the trip and they were discussing sharing hotel accommodations, etc. My husband asked his coworker "Are there going to be any hot chicks there?" The coworker made a crude joke about masturbation in response, but then suggested they go out to watch a band. My husband wrote back, "We can get a couple of chicks" and suggested that a girl could do sexual things for him. The coworker did not respond to this suggestion, but moved on to business talk.
Do I need to worry or is this just joking between guys? And if it is something to worry about, how should I handle the situation?
Before I get slammed about snooping on my husband, I get paranoid sometimes because he had an EA/possibly PA a couple of years ago that he still denies even though he was confronted with solid evidence. So, yeah, there's some trust issues, and yeah, I do sometimes sneak a look at his texts.
Yes, you need to worry.
I suspect my STBEH is a serial cheater although I only found out about one, thanks to someone who outed him and OW anonymously.
This type of discussion is also something I read in some emails, while reading over my STBEH's shoulder a few years back.
It was a thread between his camping trip friends and it was joking about the state park girls who like to get it on with Married men.
I thought it was just men talk and joking, but now I wonder about that.
If he had an affair and you both rug swept it then its apparent from the messages he hasn't really changed his behaviors to not put himself in the line of fire - in fact he is inviting it and testing his married coworker who seems to be not embracing the comments due to probably respecting his own marital boundaries. So yes you should be concerned about this. Maybe your H is planning a fling or not, but he is certainly trying to be open to it.
So make your boundaries on this clear - this business trip is no excuse for innappropriate behavior, if your H wants your trust he will change his tune, apologize and discuss this, and make every effort to keep you informed the whole trip of what he is doing.
My husband wrote back, "We can get a couple of chicks" and suggested that a girl could do sxual things for him. The coworker did not respond to this suggestion, but moved on to business talk.
Not cool at all. I talk dumb shyte with my guy friends, but nothing like that. If my W saw my comments, she'd probably just say, "Idiot." and walk off.
Looks like even his coworker may have thought that comment crossed a line...by changing the subject.
He doesn't go on business trips often, 2-3 times a year. This sort of texting makes me worry about past trips.
How do I handle this considering he'll try to play it off as a joke?
Considering we've been married for several years and I haven't been diagnosed with an STD (yet), we don't use that type of protection so it would make him really suspicious if I started using all of a sudden now.
Okay hold the phone. My work friends and regular guy friends make jokes like this all the time. I am sure if my wife looked at them that I would be in trouble.
I would warn him within an inch of his life. That if he were to do something as stupid getting a stripper that you would cut is nuts off.
I don't think this indicates an EA. I think it is a bunch of guys joking around.
Again it isn't like he is pouring his heart out or, divulging anything personal. Plus you said the other guys were cracking jokes.
Unless there is something very detailed and personal IDK if I would start ****ing my guns.
Yes he had a PA before, but was it a situation that involving a stripper? Or was it someone he had gotten close too.
I just know that there is always that one guy that just takes the joke a little too far.
I know everybody here is saying this is bad...but you should know that some guys do joke like this in the workplace if they are close.
In my 10 years here I've only been close enough to 1 guy to joke like this...but it did happen. And neither of us ever cheated on our wives...that I know of.
Yes, some guys do joke around like that...BUT, and this is a big but....he was in a PA a couple of years ago. So that's the LAST thing he should be joking about. The thing is, he denied it, even with sold evidence. So if I look at the overall picture here, he thinks he got away scot free with the previous affair. His boundaries are way too low.
If it wasn't for the previous affair, this would be just joking..inappropriate yes..but still joking. The previous affair now makes this a red flag, and that's the difference.
So, I can tell him I expect no inappropriate behavior, he apologizes (or acts like it), then goes out and does it anyway because he knows there's no way for me to ever find out. Then he comes home with a fake halo over his head, acting like a good little boy.
Is that how these things go down? How am I supposed to trust him while he is gone when it will be so easy for him to lie? Unless he's on the phone with me for 48-hours straight, who's to say what is happening. Not being snarky about your comment, Lon - just have a bad sinking feeling about this trip.
What is funny is that just last night he was telling me how he lost respect for a married female friend of ours having an affair with a male friend of ours who is permitted to cheat by his wife. So the affair is expected from the man because we've seen him openly have so many, but my husband lost respect for the woman because she was having an affair with this guy. Yes, all this after his text messaging! That's why I was hoping it was all just guy talk/joking.
Well it seems he STILL has that neandertal notion that if you bring a salary and possess the right set of genitalia he's entitled to do as he pleases with no more regard.
Thanks, guys. It helps to get some more male perspective. These guys do make a lot of sexual jokes.
I do not know if his EA ever turned physical, so I'm not jumping to that conclusion that he will or ever has gone that far. What has me worried is that he stated (joked?) 2 separate times about finding girls. If it was a joke, why not leave it at one comment and move on?
Okay hold the phone. My work friends and regular guy friends make jokes like this all the time. I am sure if my wife looked at them that I would be in trouble.
I would warn him within an inch of his life. That if he were to do something as stupid getting a stripper that you would cut is nuts off.
I don't think this indicates an EA. I think it is a bunch of guys joking around.
Again it isn't like he is pouring his heart out or, divulging anything personal. Plus you said the other guys were cracking jokes.
Unless there is something very detailed and personal IDK if I would start ****ing my guns.
Yes he had a PA before, but was it a situation that involving a stripper? Or was it someone he had gotten close too.
I just know that there is always that one guy that just takes the joke a little too far.
Yes, I'm a guy and I will make and appreciate innappriate jokes like this sometimes too, depending on the guys I'm around (though never in the pretext of getting hot chicks out on the town). But based on what OP said she read in the messages it seems like he was the only one joking about infidelity and the other guy repeatedly changed the subject to one not involving infidelity - seems like HE is the one taking the joke too far. But the glaring red flag is the past affair.
And from your comments it seems that you have a stripper in mind here, there are tons of other forms of vagina out there too... And before dismissing my comment there have been multiple instances among my real life acquaintances of the married guy who always takes the jokes too far who actually cheated on his W - it is because attitude affects behavior.
24Likes
Should I be worried or is it a joke? 
