i know for sure that my fiance with history of cheating has been going to massage parlors. i can't confront him with the proof as i can't compromise how i got the proof... but i saw his legs with oil on them after the gym today and i asked him what that lotion was and he made up an unbelievable story. i know for sure he was at the massage parlor. he is of course gaslighting and threatened to leave, "tired of being accused, he hasn't done anything wrong," the bizarre thing is that i don't want him to leave.... i want him to stay. i still love him. dear friends here, what on earth am i going to do....:'( i am so sad. i am at work right now typing on my personal laptop, thank heaven i can close my office door. what is wrong with me that i am wanting him to stay here with me instead of kicking him to the curb?? i feel horrible. we fought, and i told him i believed him that he hadn't done anything wrong, because i want him to stay. please help me. i feel like i am going crazy.
My guess... You need to develop your self-respect. Your fiancée will continue to treat you like this (or worse) until you show him this is not acceptable.
My guess... You need to develop your self-respect. Your fiancée will continue to treat you like this (or worse) until you show him this is not acceptable.
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i wonder if he will change if i show him it's unacceptable. how can i do that? i have to get some backbone. evidently it is acceptable if i am willing to have him stay. i tried confronting him and he threatened to leave, and i folded like a wet paper towel
Years ago I was in Pittsburgh Pa with the Army. I was one of two senior NCOs on the trip. The junior NCOs tried to talk me and the other senior NCO into going to the massage parlor with them (they were all married). We both declined and spent the night watching a game on the t.v. at the sports bar in the hotel. The next day I heard some of the stories. I remember telling them that what they do on their off time is their business but I don't want to hear about it. I laid into two of them saying I know your wives, how could you do this? They all said, it is ok to have some fun from time to time.
Massage parlors are typical fronts for prostitutes, not all but many.
You are not married yet, he will continue his behavior and bring it into the marriage.
Break off with him. You are going through hel* right now we get it. Try to imagine being married for 29 years to your best friend and having that best friend betray you.
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This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
I have to agree with Thorburn - I think if we all as BS's knew then what we do now, our lives would be very different. Take it from a BS who found out her husband cheated shortly after they were married, forgave him thinking that it could have happened to anyone, then 16 years and 2 kids later finds out that he cheated 3 times and wants a divorce....I am not the person to give advice to someone invested in a marriage, but if I were in your shoes now, I would run - life is too short and you are just starting out - start on the right foot with a good guy (or as far as you can tell). You already know this guy is a cheater and liar - please don't waste any more of yourself on him. My husband who cheated even said that if any man did to our daughters what he did to me that he would bury them - take it from the cheater - a cheater is no good for anyones daughter - no good for you!
Oh, deceived. No, it is not very likely that you can change him.
Yes, massage parlors are fronts for prostitution -- low-level prostitution, but still.
I think you know what you have to do. And I'm so very sorry, but why marry him? If you just love him so painfully much, then keep seeing him, as long as he keeps that thing wrapped up in latex. But don't marry him.
thanks so much everyone--i should say i am not a youngster, i am 45 and so is he...all the more reason not to waste time, i guess. we have been together 7 years, long distance for 3 of them, recently moved back in together after that long distance and were supposed to be married in the fall. i was hoping living under the same roof would help and he would stop cheating i can't really imagine being alone and starting over. i don't want to be alone but this pain is hard. i am so sorry for everyone else's pain that is on this thread too, i guess there is nobody who has landed in this forum except by heartbreak. hugs to all of you <3
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massage parlors 
the bizarre thing is that i don't want him to leave.... i want him to stay. i still love him. dear friends here, what on earth am i going to do....:'( i am so sad. i am at work right now typing on my personal laptop, thank heaven i can close my office door. what is wrong with me that i am wanting him to stay here with me instead of kicking him to the curb?? i feel horrible. 
