Not quite sure where to start. We have been married nearly 2 decades, and with children in home. We have never had, what some would call, a stable relationship. In the beginning, we had really high-highs, and really low-lows. It was either amazing or torturous. Over the years, the painful words have increased, and the lows are still lows. The problem is the highs have disappeared. During times of disagreement, she always seems to find the need to say the most hateful things. My self-esteem had dropped at one point, okay, I lost all self-esteem. Since then, I have gotten stronger, and the words don’t hurt as much anymore, but I don’t really feel much of anything. It is almost as if someone shot me up with emotional Novocain. I feel I have stayed to this point, only because it is easier than leaving. Yes, I know this is not good either.
Well, there is now a new circumstance in the picture. I have rarely been jealous, and have no reason to believe that there were any past indiscretions. Last week all that changed. I had a business meeting (legitimately) that took place just after work hours. It let out a bit early, and I headed home. She sends a text message with some convoluted story about leaving something at her office, locking her keys in, having someone from there drive her home to pick up the spare, and go back to get her car. I get home and our kids are at home. This is red flag number one: she never goes anywhere alone. If I’m not with her, she always takes one of the kids, especially at night. Red flag number two: even if I was not able to break away from the meeting, she still would have texted me WHEN it happened, and not after she got a ride from some guy in the office that she cant remember his name (apparently he was new). I got a real sick feeling in my gut, so I did something that I hated to do but felt it was necessary. I pulled up the mobile locater that is associated with her phone. She CLEARLY was not at home, the office, or any place remotely in between. Placed several calls, no answer, finally she calls back and says that she is nearly home. Locator says that she was in the same spot she had been for the previous ½ hour. then watched the locator as she drove home. I questioned her about where she really was, and she stuck with her story and proceeded to turn it around on me. Telling me that I was the one that couldn’t be trusted and didn’t know why I was giving her the third degree.
Out of town family arrived the next day, which added much difficulty in trying to handle this situation. We had a big blow up, and I told her that I would play nice for a week, but once family left, I would leave also. She still said that she was on the road between office and home, but did admit to having issues constantly berating me, and being spiteful to me constantly, along with a major lack in passion and compassion. She wanted me to stay, and she would work on it. Well that only lasted a couple of days and then back to normal. Either way, I have asked her on several different occasions where she was, not telling her how I knew (yet 2 days after d-day, the password changed to her phone and the location service was shut off). I feel that she knows that I know, yet she still will not admit that she lied. I decided that I was going to try to let it sit until family leaves. If she continues to lie, then I will tell her I know different and show her how I know different then leave for good. Not that it would be the only reason, but it would be enough to where i finally take action. If she finally tells me the truth, not sure what I’ll do. I just want her to admit the truth. It is just burning inside me, it consumes my thoughts 24x7. I cant even be productive while at work. I feel as if holding out a bit longer, and not making a big scene with family in (1 more week), is the right thing to do, but thought I may put it out to others opinions.
Not real sure. first time she was careless, but dont believe that anything has happened historically. She is very convincing, so thereis always a possibility. It just wouldnt suprise me at this point. She is very disconnected with me 90% of the time.
Not real sure. first time she was careless, but dont believe that anything has happened historically. She is very convincing, so thereis always a possibility. It just wouldnt suprise me at this point. She is very disconnected with me 90% of the time.
Don't "eff" around. This is your life.
Follow the instructions you get here and protect yourself asap.
With what? you ask... knowledge.
I'm hoping the best for you... but you're here for a reason.
My wife was CONNECTED with me 90% of the time and
she still found time to bang the OM twice a week during her lunch breaks.
We had a happy marriage w 2 gorgeous young ones.
She sounds like an abusive a-hole. The cheating is your get out of jail free card. People understand lesving a cheater vs an emotionally abusive woman(which she is).
But, you will need more proof to bolster your justification for leaving this abuser.
So, lay low, and act dumb, as others have suggested. Gather irrefutable proof, such that when she denies to others (like your kids), you can refute.
Be patient and a good actor. Best way to get fast results is using a PI, if you have the resources.
she is at times very difficult to absorb. I am not proud, but there have been 3 occassions where I have allowed her to push me to limits I should not go to. I have never hit her, but have been physically aggressive on these occassions. that is not who i am. I feel as if the decsion has been made. I am tired of the guilt she tries to put upon me for not being what she wants, i am tired of trying to please someone that I cannot please. During the initial fear of losing me she will deny this, but she does not want to be with me. she has a very difficult time just being close to me or looking at me. I am really sure that I'm done. BigLiam, you are correct in this MIA situation being the keys to the door. it is what has pushed me to be able to go thru with it. otherwise I would just be "giving up" on my family, leaving a beautiful wife and two kids with bills that she cannot afford, etc. etc. etc..... I think that my real question initially is regarding her having family in town. Things are very strange between us at home, and I know that it can be sensed, but I just dont feel right leaving while family is here.
**** her. Why do you care? Let her find someone else. Let her free you from this mess. Let her make HIS life miserable, not yours. Golden opportunity to get rid of her.
180. Let her go. Better yourself for you and your kids. I am SO happy i don't give a crap anymore. Not caring is the best gift I EVER gave myself.
And remember THIS when you "catch" her with all of this evidence you will gather over the next few months. I wish I could go back and find that thread where a guy caught a naked man climbing off of his naked wife and she STILL DENIED anything was going on. And he was QUESTIONING HIMSELF for accusing her.
Keylogger? VAR? GPS? Amateur hour for a true blame shifter. Want an education in "that's my story and I'm sticking to it"? Gather all of your evidence and present it to her. You already got a taste of it. How did that go?
Emotionally leave this marriage and better yourself or make yourself miserable collecting your evidence. Your choice.
And I wrote the above before reading your last post. Why do you care again?
I do agree with Mr K. I spent the first two days goin thru cell usage, watching her every move and it Only made me more crazy. Lost time at work constantly checking up. That's when I realized I had no choice but to get out.
K, why do I care about her, or leaving while family is in? The answer to both is the same. I don't know, but i do. I will always have love for this woman, I have just finally realized that neither of us are going to be happy. Posted via Mobile Device
VAR. I would get two in there. Also a GPS in the car. make sure you are careful in placement, they can be found but there are great places to hide them.
Don't threaten to leave and don't leave if you find she is cheating, stay in your house.
Back off on her.
The red flags are there for sure.
The hardest part is where you are at right now. In most cases you will crack and tell her your suspicions. Don't. As hard as it is try to get a grip on your emotions.
Go to the doctor, seriously make an appointment asap. This will give you some cover, say to your wife that you don't feel right and are getting tested for a host of things. You might be able to use this to cover up your anxiety and racing thoughts.
Don't spill your guts on what you suspect and don't know to your wife.
__________________
This kind of cosmic dumbassery occupies a temporal plane of ineptitude and lack of reason so profound a Zen master could spend a lifetime meditating upon its philosophical consequences.”
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Where Was She? 
