After being caught in his EA my WH has gone through the "right" motions as far as transparency, counseling etc. but his attitude still really sucks!
Last weekend I asked him if he wanted to go to my friends for a party. He blew me off and said that I would probably be too tired to go since I was taking a physical class that day. So, I didn't bring it up again.
Anyway, he stopped by to watch my class (check up on me more like it) and we happened to be on a break. So, he couldn't locate me when he first got there. The break ended and everybody rounded back up for the next part. I happened to be walking out of the classroom with another man to rejoin the group. Well apparently this was highly suspicious and inappropriate. My H left the class without saying anything to me and then proceeded to blow up my phone with accusations and threats about me and this man. I have no clue what this guy's name even is...I was just making small talk with him on break.
When I got home I was not met with congratulations for passing the class instead I got more accusations. BTW I have NEVER cheated on my WH. He is the one who cheated. So, I told him I was going to go to the party and enjoy my night. Well instead of offering to go with me he flipped out. He first begged me not to go, then told me if I left he would move out and then threatened me with custody of the kids if I left etc. I left anyway... BTW this is about the third time in 15 years I ever went out at night without him...
Anyway, I wish he'd act normal and remorseful and show me that I am important to him. Instead this is the behavior I get.
Tonight at dinner I went downstairs to get us sodas for our meal. Well, he only had a few cans of HIS soda left. I didn't have any of mine so I was going to drink one of his.
This was the convo:
Him- You're taking one of my LAST sodas???
me- No, it's ok I'll grab something else.
Him- Oh, just drink it!
me- No, that's ok I don't want to take your last one...
Him- What is WRONG with YOU??? I HATE when you act like this!!!
me- what do you mean? I'm doing what you wanted and not taking your last soda?
Him- Oh great another great night like usual... (walks out slamming the door)
What am I missing? I can do nothing right? Shouldn't HE be doing some butt kissing around here?
He's "seeing" his feelings displayed in your behaviors. I believe this is a coping mechanism for his guilt/shame and/or upset about his EA.
We all project to some degree, so I would handle it by not reacting at all, if possible. (That's what I try to do - but sometimes people really get under your skin). Posted via Mobile Device
That's so sad. When we are out of soda I genuinely feel privileged to be able to give my wife the last soda.
I've had this same argument over beer.
What is funny to me right now...is us having to deal with our wayward teen son. He's lying, stealing my alcohol, sneaking out etc. we sit him down and my WH starts lecturing him about how important it is to never lie and sneak...and I have to pinch myself from LOLing!!! Posted via Mobile Device
It just feels good to be able to vent to all of you! And to document what really happened so it doesn't get changed around and turned on to me in another few days...
Picking fights, coming from a cheater, isn't something that requires learning about communication--it's a distancing mechanism. It means he is resentful the affair has ended. I would be concerned about his breaking contact (sorry, don't know your full story).
Lamaga--not sure if you revisit threads, but my experience was that the fight picking disappeared when the affair was exposed, contact ended, and my husband remorseful and recommitted. Funny thing, I didn't change my communication style to accomplish that. And that is a common experience for loyal spouses. Posted via Mobile Device
When you truly love someone, you'd gladly give the LAST of anything and do without. I do it for my children, my husband and even my students...damn kids.
I just don't think he's remorseful. he's saying he is, but he's not. And I would also bet he's still in contact with the OW. It's just underground now.
51Likes
So THIS is remorse??? 
Sounds awful and sounds like he isn't really sorry. 
