kingsfan

Didn't read through the whole thread, so this might be explained already, but but none of these reasons are legitimate for why you think you might be going overboard.

My ex-wife committed numerous affairs. I mean numerous, especially EA's. I won't dare embarrass myself admitting how many. If there is one consolation to it all, I can say I have had to try and decifier through a lot of explaining over the years as well.

Looking at these three reasons, this is what I feel you should be mindful of (not saying she is doing this, but my ex-wife did).

1. My ex-wife used to speak about the first few guys she had EA's with. I think she did it for two reasons; firstly because it was a means of setting me at ease. Why would she talk about someone if she was having an affair right? It's called the hiding in plain sight tactic and works well for a while. The second reason though i think my ex, and likely other cheaters, talk about someone they are having an affair with is due to an emotional attachment. Think about how you felt when you and your wife first started to date and see each other. You likely loved to mention her name, just because it was exciting and mentioning her name helps bring back memories and feelings you expereinced with her. The same applies for a cheater and his/her other person.

2. Essentially a recap of reason number one. Also, some cheaters get a sense of excitement being able to be around their EA/lover in plain sight without getting caught. Double dating is a means to that end. Once again, not saying this is what your wife is doing, just going from my own past experience.

3. I think if a cheater knows what he/she is doing, then the first lesson in cheating 101 is to never act diffferently around their spouse as best they can. Nothing sets off red flags more than different behaviour. That said, I think if you reread your own post you'll see that you imply there is significant change that maybe you're not giving enough credence too.

She is training a lot more and harder than before, she is being guarded about her cell phone, she is deleting messages, she is crying when saying she loves you, she texts this guy 1000 times in five weeks (or 29 times a day, which is really a lot, I'd wager she doesn't text you that often or almost anyone else). I'm not sure if all of that is a change, but from the sounds of your post some of it is, and it's all a change for this guy. The fact he also drove up to the race area and scouted it for her is also something that really red flagged for me. Is he in the same race, or just did so out of courtesy, because that's a lot of courtesy to show someone who you are helping on a volunteer basis and have known only for a few weeks.

I agree with the idea of a keylogger/VAR and tell her you want her to stop deleting her texts. pay attention, especially to the keylogger/VAR for a month and if nothing is found, odds are you were wrong (not wrong to question it, just wrong in what your gut told you in this situation).

And God willing, you are wrong. My prayers are for you if you are right because that's a disgusting feeling to have when you're right on this issue.

jnj express

You do not need anymore evid.---go thru the collective info/reasoning of those who have posted here---with that info in hand you do the following

You tell your wife to stop her association with this guy immediately---she goes NC, in all ways, shapes, and forms

Believe me she knows how to train herself at this point, and she does not need anymore of his help

I am willing to bet they have already been physical---they are 2 athletes, training together, doing physical things together, for many hours each and every day, and I promise you the juices have been flowing

Put a stop to this now---you can do so, based on --it is an inapropos relationship, and she knows how to train/compete on her own---she does not need anymore of his so called help/expertese!!!!!

anonymouskitty

oh yes by all means confront her but be ready for the "Just Friends" tag line that comes along with any statement she makes and let her throw you into even more confusion, listen mate, I strongly believe you should gather some concrete proof and then corner her.

Trust me, if you cut off her escape routes she'll buckle under the pressure otherwise be prepared for some major TT

Sara8

thank you much

MattMatt

Hmm, let me see...

Wife, mother of two, dedicated triathlete/Iron Man competitor, sender and receiver of 1,000s of text messages to another man that are deleted and hidden from her husband and, presumably, the trainer's wife, too.

You know, two of those do not fit properly in your relationship.

I know which two, and so do you.

Even if she is not cheating on you she is, in my opinion, spending way too much time on her fun hobby.

Does she have enough quality time for her children and for you?

If not, she should stop this single person's lifestyle straight away!

As soon as you have children, your life changes. Or it should.

There's something seriously wrong here, even if she is NOT having an affair.

Counselling should be looked at and very quickly.

Will_Kane

Out here in cyberspace, we have seen the situation you've described many times and it always ends up with the same result. I understand you still are in the wishful thinking phase of maybe, just maybe, it is not the case with your wife. If someone came to you and told you the same story you told here, you know what you would think.

Thousands of texts = affair.

Thousands of texts plus see each other almost every day = physical affair.

Investigate. Voice-activated recorder. Spyware.

You will find out it is a physical affair.

Prepare yourself mentally for this now.

After you find out, do not move out of your house. She cheated, let her move out. Insist on no contact with the other man, writing a no contact letter, giving you access to all communication devices and accounts, and telling you the truth about the affair. Expose the affair to the other man's wife.

MattMatt

warlock07

This will make you paranoid. read this thread

Trapped in a bad marriage, help!

iheartlife

You read my mind.
Posted via Mobile Device

Runs like Dog

Bills tally totals for SMS not details, don't they? Your carrier details each SMS? Both directions? That must be one hell of a phone bill. Mine is 28 pages and I don't get that detail. I know for example, one line averages about 4600 SMS/month, another about 1400 another 350 and so on. But I can't imagine receiving a phone book in the mail each month with the details of several thousand SMS. Maybe your carrier does that. Seems crazy to me.

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Rawrdonstein

Whatever you decide to do don't do as I did and blow any of those red flags off by thinking she could never do that to you. If you do you'll be checking your mailbox for divorce papers like me. Nip that **** in the bud now.

Maricha75

We don't get detailed bill in the mail, but we can print out the text info from online. Online, it shows the number, date, time, etc. Obviously, no text detail itself, otherwise I'd have that info myself! But I was able to determine how many texts per month were sent between hubby's EA partner and him... and, it was over 1000 between them, so....

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MattMatt

And "Let's all get together and have a nice, civilised dinner with our spouses" could mean:

"Let's all get together and have a nice, civilised dinner with our spouses."

or

"Quick! They are getting suspicious! Oh, I know! Let's lull them into a false sense of security!"

keko

Ya think?

Just 5 mins would be enough for me to spend some energy with a woman.

MattMatt

Maybe he is cautious? After all, he has his own wife, a worried husband and two little boys to be careful and wary of as he tries to get into the panties of his OW.

Oh! Sorry! Did I say that? What I meant to say was: "Get her into the triathlon! Sorry! Easy mistake to make!"