I just went through all the pages of this thread to double check.
Yes she did say that he stopped having sex with her during the first year of the marriage. She later clarified that he does not initiate sex.. she has to beg for it. And they only have it about once every 2 months or about 35 times in 6 years.
Thanks Elle for your understanding in my situation. I consider it "stop" having sex with he stops initiating the sex. and even then, he still rejects me when I ask him for it.
I was raised in Spain by my malaysian mother. But the sex should not have anything to do by my culture. I am, like everyone else wants to experience a mind blowing sex from my husband for at least more than he is giving me right now, I also wish he would start initiating it than having to have me beg for something I shouldn't have.
You said attitude towards sex? My husband is American, he was born and raise here in the US by his parents who was also born here. (His great great grand parents were german and irish immigrants)
No, what I meant is that some cultures have a much more conservative(repressed) outlook towards sex and if your resentment had anything to do with it. (You are opening up inspite of the culture and he is still rejecting you after you put yourself in a vulnerable position)
Before the marriage: We would have sex 8 times a day, and almost every day, I would be the one giving up because it was too much. The very first day of our marriage thats when he stops initiating sex.
No, what I meant is that some cultures have a much more conservative(repressed) outlook towards sex and if your resentment had anything to do with it. (You are opening up inspite of the culture and he is still rejecting you after you put yourself in a vulnerable position)
And your husband, is he religious?
My husband is a christian, but not very religious.
Who is this other guy? Does your H know? How long back did the affair start(Not just the physical aspect)
My H doesn't know who the other guy was and the affair started April of 2012. We had two physical encounter this June of 2012 and I ended it right away when we had sex. The guy is an exec for the company I worked for. So it's highly likely we will see each other again, but I will reject him with all my power and avoid him as much as possible. He told me that he will help me with everything I need if I divorce my H, but I choose to end the affair and be with my husband.
Yes, I did. He said he was tired, have headaches, stressed etc etc. But now that I think about it, the day we got married, he started working with this female partner who he became really close with. I always suspect something but I brush it off alot of times because I just could not imagine her cheating on her husband.
Is he a single guy? Don't believe a single word he says. And imagine the humiliation if this gets out at work!!! Work affairs are the worst. You should never sh!t where you eat. people must have noticed already
Yes, I did. He said he was tired, have headaches, stressed etc etc. But now that I think about it, the day we got married, he started working with this female partner who he became really close with. I always suspect something but I brush it off alot of times because I just could not imagine her cheating on her husband.
Is he still working with her? Do you have access to his email accounts and phone records?
How much say do you have in the marriage? Do you make any major decisions for both of you? You come off as a bit submissive.
Is he a single guy? Don't believe a single word he says. And imagine the humiliation if this gets out at work!!! Work affairs are the worst. You should never sh!t where you eat. people must have noticed already
Yes he's single. I work in a branch, he works in a corporate office so we only see each other if I have to go to corporate office.
My H doesn't know who the other guy was and the affair started April of 2012. We had two physical encounter this June of 2012 and I ended it right away when we had sex. The guy is an exec in the company I worked for. So it's highly likely we will see each other again, but I will reject him with all my power and avoid him as much as possible. He told me that he will help me with everything I need if I divorce my H, but I choose to end the affair and be with my husband.
Something for you to keep in mind. Only about 2% of all affairs last beyond a 2 yr period. Generally the male AP (affair partner) dumps the female when the affair is exposed. For those that last a bit longer, they gnerally end when one of their marriages break up.
Your chance of a future with your AP is almost zero.
This guy was no doubt using you. What were the circumstances under which the affair started? Does he have any authority over you at work?
If you are going to rebuild your marriage you should really look for work with a company where this guy does not work. That way you can be sure of never seeing him again.
Is he still working with her? Do you access to his email accounts and phone records?
How much say do you have in the marriage? Do you make any major decisions for both of you? You come off as a bit submissive.
I check phone records, he calls her a lot and they send text messages and so forth. The other night I saw his message asking her how she was (she took two days off because of cold), and she replied she wasn't feeling well. I thought that was wierd and I ask him about it and he said why am I reading his text message, he also told me that he isnt reading mine. I don't know if you can call me submissive, but maybe I am, I don't know. As you can see from my previous post, I can't have him have sex with me, I tried to drag him to a movie theater and he refuse, I beg him to have dinner or take me to romantic places, yet he will only say yes and never actually do it. So yes I am submissive for putting up to all this. My biggest mistake was I resort to cheating rather than fixing what ever is there to fix.
I suggest you back off. You obviously do not know me.
I don't need to know you; I specified 'all of your posts in this thread...' for a reason.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl
Yea, and you are an expert on the topic right?
How do you know I am not? And more to the point, I don't need to be: ad hominem arguments are laughable. Your claim that her husband's lack of intimacy is objectively considered as abuse is not factually accurate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl
Instead of you coming after me for taking a wider view of marriage, why don’t you tell the OP how you feel and think? I will not attack you for what you say in the manner that you have attacked me.
I did tell her, albeit indirectly: her marriage issues are not an excuse for her infidelity and she should not listen to people who try and justify her actions because of said issues. She owes her husband the truth—regardless of the fate of the marriage—and her infidelity and subsequent omission are not equivalent to his lack of intimacy and lack of explanation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl
Well, apparently her husband does not prescribe to the same standard of radical honesty as you want her to. He will not tell her why he has rejected her for 6 years. But you seem to be ok with that.
Your apologist attitude is just weird and your above example is disanalogous.
Something for you to keep in mind. Only about 2% of all affairs last beyond a 2 yr period. Generally the male AP (affair partner) dumps the female when the affair is exposed. For those that last a bit longer, they gnerally end when one of their marriages break up.
Your chance of a future with your AP is almost zero.
This guy was no doubt using you. What were the circumstances under which the affair started? Does he have any authority over you at work?
If you are going to rebuild your marriage you should really look for work with a company where this guy does not work. That way you can be sure of never seeing him again.
It's hard to find a job and dump the place I work for just like that, especially in this economy. I like my job, I enjoy working for the company I worked for. He has some authority over me, although, he is not my indirect boss (He is the boss of my bosses boss). You're right, the emotional affair we have had could very well be a lie, he stayed with me even without the sex and the sex happens because I allowed for it to happen. He tried to call me and I ignore, he also send me a text message and I again ignore. I admit, I developed some feelings for him, but I ended it for the sake of my daughter, I don't want her to suffer because of my selfishness, I guess if I don't get the sex, then so be it. Will see how I can survive this whole thing.
How do you know I am not? And more to the point, I don't need to be: ad hominem arguments are laughable.
It's not an ad hominem argument to ask for support for something you claim. I guess you have no support for your statement.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iJordan
Your claim that her husband's lack of intimacy is objectively considered as abuse is not factually accurate.
My husband’s psychiatrist does not agree with you on this. My husband, his psychiatrist and I have had long discussions about this. Under the circumstances it is considered abuse.
Sure is the couple is such that they can both live with no, or almost no sex life, that’s their choice. In a marriage where one of them wants an active sex life (more than once every 2 months) and the other refuses sex most of the time.
You come live my life for a while and then you will have a right to say something about my life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iJordan
I did tell her, albeit indirectly: her marriage issues are not an excuse for her infidelity and she should not listen to people who try and justify her actions because of said issues. She owes her husband the truth—regardless of the fate of the marriage—and her infidelity and subsequent omission are not equivalent to his lack of intimacy and lack of explanation.
I am not trying to justify her infidelity. It is you who interprets what I am talking to her about as justifying her infidelity. Thus your interpretation is your problem, not mine.
Quote:
Originally Posted by iJordan
Your apologist attitude is just weird and your above example is disanalogous.
I do not have an apologist attitude. Do you really believe that it’s apologetic to discuss all aspects of her marriage?
It’s pretty clear that her husband does not prescribe to radical honesty. He will not open up to his wife about whatever is bothering him. That is not being honest.
Why would you have a problem with pointing that he is not being honest?
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Re: I cheated on my husband of 6 years 
