Elle, I ended my relationship to the OM last Thursday, I went home and talk to my husband about going to marriage councelor. (I did because I am so confuse, I just ended a relationship with the OM, I was hurt, confuse and torn) I told my husband that although were married, the sex is not there and we have to find a common ground as I feel that we are drifting apart. He gave me a typical response and I feel as though he brush it off. Could it be our age gap? He's 39 years old and I'm 28. I am beginning to think that he think he can do whatever he wants (withhold sex) and expects me to stay with him.
You didn't tell him about your affair, why would you expect him to go to MC? Posted via Mobile Device
Torn, when my husband started rejecting me it turned out that it was because he was looking elsewhere.
Do you want to save your marriage? Is there any emotional intimacy at all? Does he hug you or kiss you or is it just the sex element that is missing? You need a full and frank discussion with him - 28 is too young to be in a sexless marriage, i know because 36 was too young for me
Don't pin your hopes on this other man - romance is easy to do when you don't live with someone day in day out....
Dolly, My husband and I hug and kiss (typical married couple), we never fail to say "I love you" even when we fight. It's just the sex is not there. I married him when I was 22, Dated him when I was 19, the sex stops the very first year we marry. He's not impotent, there's nothing wrong with him and I don't think he's cheating. However, he has a partner at work (female) who is also married with two kids who he talks to a lot. But I don't know because he always comes home on time, I also know her husband and she's offer to be the godmother for my daughter so I can't imagine them having an affair.
Bigliam, I am being brutally honest here. There's no reason for me to sugarcoat my story to a stranger, I am here for answers, and advice, it wont help me to lie.
Accepting your version at face value, I still do not see why you had to resort to cheating. You may have been able to fix the no sex problem with your H. But, now, having betrayed him, you have made fixing it much lees likely.
If your H was refusing sex due to resentment or fear of being vulnerable to you(after all, you have just engaged in behavior that many therapists consider the most severe form of spousal emotional abuse. So, you may posess qualities consistent with cruelty), now he will be evne angrier or more fearful.
Couldn't you have been more resourceful?
He stop having sex with me during first year of our marriage. He tells me he's tired from work, headache, stressed, etc etc.
My relationship with the OM is mostly emotional affairs, we have had protected (condom) sex two times. The last time was when I told him that we both need to stop this craziness because I am married, he pled for me to divorce my husband.
In the first post:
Originally Posted by Tornbetweenthetwo
I am so clouded with confusion, stressed, sadness, fears, you name it. I am all of it right now. I been married for 6 years, we have a 2 years old daughter who is so vibrant and smart little girl.
If he stop having sex with you 5 years ago, then it's impossible to have a 2 year old daughter.
Obviously we are only getting one side of the story. I'll bet the husband had a different view.
Don't you think he'll give you another chance considering he brought you over from over seas looked out for you for years? He seems like a decent guy, I don't think he'll do anything rash. Then again what if years later your husband finds it out somehow? Would that give you a higher chance of forgiveness? Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks Warlock, I asked my husband to go to a marriage councelor after I ended the relationship with OM, but my husband refused, his reasoning was "I don't see why we can't resolve whatever issue between us" and I don't want to push further as I'm afraid he would begin to suspect something. As I said in my previous post, I will talk to him tonight and see what happens.
Well, obviously if you had told him about the affair, he'll have a different answer for you.
Remember, we are hearing a cheater's version about this. She may be exaggerating, abusive or emasculating. I would not accept her version as gospel.
I"m not stupid and know that.
I go with what is presented until an OP's story starts to fall apart.
I do find this interesting though.. how she might be exaggerating, abusive or emasculating. And yet on threads where women explain that their husbands are being abusive, etc... the men here tell them that they still have to put out because it's their marital obligation.
Do you think that a man who refuses most sex with his wife for 6 years and refuses to do anything with her is a good moral example of a father?
Originally Posted by EleGirl
I don't know about that. People here seem to mostly believe that cheating is the worse thing that a spouse can do. From my experience I can get over cheating. I cannot get over abuse.
If the negligence and sexual w/holding that the OP describe are true, her husband is exptremely abusive emotionally.
I see them as equal. If he is like this, he emotionally left the marriag a long time ago.
You think infidelity isn't abuse? Infidelity is one of the most heinous thing to do in a marriage or to your partner, no doubt about that.
So much for affair apologists.
And please don't give arbitrary definitions for abuse. I agree with that there is emotional neglect but that is why people go to counseling, start communicating better or separate and divorce when it won't work out, not have affairs.
A woman comes here saying that she is in an affair and first thing you tell her is that she is in abusive marriage with the little details you get from her post? Like I said, abuse isn't a word you throw around lightly. You need more details than that.
However, he has a partner at work (female) who is also married with two kids who he talks to a lot. But I don't know because he always comes home on time, I also know her husband and she's offer to be the godmother for my daughter so I can't imagine them having an affair.
hummmmmmm I wouldn't be so sure about that......
look I'm not condoning you cheating in any way - my husband withdrew emotional intimacy AND sex and I still didn't cheat