Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
I ask this because I still get the slight impression from my H..that because his affair was only somewhat emotional and just basic idle chit chat as he put it, that in his mind it was not as bad because nothing physical occured.
I am kind of thinking that for a lot of men that is more common way of thinking.....but then again at the same time..for me if his had included anything physical I honestly do not think I would still be with him trying to R.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Well mine views it different that's for sure. He doesn't think it's that big of a deal at all.
Of course if I had an EA he'd flip out and kill the guy I'm sure.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by highwood
I ask this because I still get the slight impression from my H..that because his affair was only somewhat emotional and just basic idle chit chat as he put it, that in his mind it was not as bad because nothing physical occured.
I am kind of thinking that for a lot of men that is more common way of thinking.....but then again at the same time..for me if his had included anything physical I honestly do not think I would still be with him trying to R.
IMO all cheaters fail to see an EA as cheating. Even if their is kissing and sexual touching involved.
Still it is.
Also there is an army counselor on this board who likened and EA to a rape for the BS.
Numerous studies show that for woman an EA is worse than a PA. And for men a PA is more upsetting than an EA.
Still, I agree with Lamaga, the men may take the physical act of sex harder on a surface level, but the EA likely bothers them, too.
Same for woman, a PA without emotion may be easier to take on a surface level, but deep down it bothers them just as much.
It is rare for anyone to have sex without some emotional attachment.
Some studies seem to support that above statement.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
My wife had a 4 mont EA with hs bf,nothing physical back in hs or when she re-connected with him 8 months ago.
I used to think a EA would be relatively easy to get over,boy was I wrong.Four months into our R and sometimes I'm not sure if I want to stay.
The majority of my male friends feel that as long as it did't get physical its not that bad.
I do know if it had gone physical there would be no way I could even try R,that would mean she gave herself over to him completely.
I could'nt handle making love to her again if the OM had been all over her.
Good thing she woke up after I kicked her out,the OM was nothing like he was passing himself off to be.OM has spread a lot of lies about her. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Definatley thinks there is a huge difference, claims he did not even realize there was such a thing as an EA. Still tells me it wasn't real, he didn't feel for her. It was just a game to see if he could still get someone to like him to boost his ego.
He talked about many special things about our life/love story and shared them with her, I asked what part do I have left that this didn't poison? He said his touch and she never could of had that because he would never have let it get to that point because he could never do that to me... That is what he thought cheating was.
He does see that what he did was very wrong, but he also said that when I was reading all of it , he thought for sure I would see how ridiculous it was and know that he was just bull****ing. He always says "I did not go as far as you think I did"
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Many guys say that as long as some guy hasn't had sex with his wife, that words mean nothing....until it happens to them. Then when they discover their WW saying "I Love You" to the OM many times over and calling him "Love of My Life" or Soul Mate, it suddenly becomes real.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by EverRain
Definatley thinks there is a huge difference, claims he did not even realize there was such a thing as an EA. Still tells me it wasn't real, he didn't feel for her. It was just a game to see if he could still get someone to like him to boost his ego.
He talked about many special things about our life/love story and shared them with her, I asked what part do I have left that this didn't poison? He said his touch and she never could of had that because he would never have let it get to that point because he could never do that to me... That is what he thought cheating was.
He does see that what he did was very wrong, but he also said that when I was reading all of it , he thought for sure I would see how ridiculous it was and know that he was just bull****ing. He always says "I did not go as far as you think I did"
I think too that when you are reading it back to them...they probably feel very embarrassed...funny how those words sound stupid when your BS is reading them back to you.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
Quote:
Originally Posted by EverRain
Definatley thinks there is a huge difference, claims he did not even realize there was such a thing as an EA. Still tells me it wasn't real, he didn't feel for her. It was just a game to see if he could still get someone to like him to boost his ego.
He talked about many special things about our life/love story and shared them with her, I asked what part do I have left that this didn't poison? He said his touch and she never could of had that because he would never have let it get to that point because he could never do that to me... That is what he thought cheating was.
He does see that what he did was very wrong, but he also said that when I was reading all of it , he thought for sure I would see how ridiculous it was and know that he was just bull****ing. He always says "I did not go as far as you think I did"
My wife did that in the beginning too, claims she did nothing wrong because she didn't sleep with him. So no, there's no difference.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
My husband and I agree that EA and PA, in OUR eyes, are equal as far as betrayal. We have both been on both sides (BS & WS). Because of this, we are BOTH more aware of how our words affect each other. At first, when mine was discovered, I tried the "we were only joking around...only talking"... but it hurt him deeply. I didn't realize, myself, exactly HOW deeply, until I saw the texts between him and the OW. He thought it was just talking... until I pointed out that you don't call someone who is "just a friend" 'sexy'...especially when you couldn't recall the last time that word was used to describe YOUR SPOUSE! And pictures... yea, easy way to get thru on that one! Send your spouse pics of yourself, same pose, similarly clad (as the OW/OM)...and ask if they would be ok with you sending pics like that to opposite sex friends. Funny how the WS changes his/her tune on that tactic!
Anyway, my husband and I agree on the view of EAs... that was my point.
Re: Do you think that men view EA's differently than women?
An EA in which people declare love and call each other soul mates will likely eventually become a PA.
The only reason many EAs do not become physical is because the cheater got caught.
There is no reason to be online declaring love for another person or complaining about your respective spouses unless you are looking for something more than talk.
If you wanna' complain, complain to a same sex friend, or go to a counselor.
An EA, IMO, is just a PA waiting to happen. And, it will happen eventually.
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Do you think that men view EA's differently than women? 
