Mario Kempes

Excellent post, TRy. Couldn't have put it better myself.

Danielria, most of us BS's here have been trickle truthed to some degree, some more than others. I was lucky in that I managed to torpedo my wife's EM before she got a chance to meet him. Who knows what might have happened if she had.............

I have a bad feeling though, about your wife's only kissing this guy.

I reckon most of us here have that same bad feeling.................... I wish you the best.

Will_Kane

There area a lot of things in this story that don't make sense. When a story doesn't make sense, there's about a 100% chance it's a lie.

About three weeks ago I caught my wife talking to a past boyfriend. I confronted her with this and she told me all about it. She said that she looked him up to talk about something that happened in the past.

Did she say specifically what it was that she looked him up to talk about, or did she just leave it at that, "something that happened in the past" with no further elaboration?

She admitted to having an emotional affair with this man. She also said that she visited with him once and that they did in fact kiss. She said that she got caught up in the moment because she told him about her desire to have a baby. He told her that he would be a donor for her if I didn't want to do it.

She admitted to an emotional affair. Did she elaborate? What was said between her and the other man that made it an emotional affair? Did she tell him she loved him or vice versa? Did she send sexual messages to him or vice versa? How long had they been in contact before you found out? Do you have any information at all to verify your wife's story, such as the length of their contact or what was said between the two?

So, they had been exchanging "I love you's" and/or sexual messages, then they met up, he agreed to father her love child, and they sealed the deal with a kiss? Where did they meet? I am assuming they are no longer teenagers, if they were in love with each other or exchanging sexual messages, why would they stop with just a kiss? It's theoretically possible, but not believable.

If you look at the other threads on this forum, you will find that when a wife is caught and tells her husband they only met once and they only shared one kiss, that usually it ends up that they met 10 times and had sex every time.

Would your wife agree to submit to a polygraph test to verify the key points of her story?

She told me that she was sorry and would never contact this man again. She has cried on multiple occasions telling me that she is sorry. I stayed in bed for about three days because I could not believe what had happened. I know that she feels guilty about it and I really didn't think that she realized how much I love her. She knows this now and wants to make it work.

I don't have access to the phone records. I have thought about asking for them, but I don't want her to get mad. My mom and mother-in-law both told me that my wife told them that she still loves me very much.

Let me get this straight: She is so sorry about the affair that she keeps crying about how sorry she is that she hurt you, but she will get mad at you and leave you if you ask to see the phone records to verify her story? She cheated on you, the only reason you know is that you caught her, she didn't come clean on her own, her story isn't all that believable, but she will be mad if you don't trust her by buying her story hook, line, and sinker? It's OK that she cheated on you, but you better not ask to see those phone records? Is that what you're telling us? Do you know how crazy that sounds?

The problem is that my wife is going through menopause. She had approached me several months ago wanting to try and have a baby. My wife has never been able to have a child of her own and would require using an egg donor and IVF (me and another female's egg). Well, I feel that some of this is my fault because I would not listen to her. She shut me out and went looking for someone that would listen to her. She claims that nothing sexual happened between her and this guy, but I can’t get this thought out of my head. How do I know for sure if she’s telling me the truth?

You can never know for sure if she had sex with this guy. You can ask her to take a polygraph. She probably still is in contact with him and she probably still is having sex with him. You have not done much to stop it. Get yourself a couple of voice-activated recorders and place one in her car and the other in a place in your house where she is likely to contact him?

Does she keep her phone with her at all times and guard it with her life?

I have never had to doubt this woman in the almost 20 years that we have been married.

Your story is not in any way unique. If you go back to the beginning of 2012 and look at the threads in this section of the forum, you will find a couple of dozen stories just like yours - married 20 years, multiple kids, can't believe wife would do this type of thing, she says it was only one time and it was only a kiss, etc. I don't remember a single story on this forum where that turned out to be the truth.

Is there anyone out there that can help me get past this? I had agreed to go to the IVF clinic with her and do this. But the very next day I caught her talking to this guy.

So, what was it, about a week before you caught her again? She did not confess the second time either, you had to catch her. What was she talking about this time, another thing that happened in the past? Or is she keeping you in the dark about the content of their communications?

I have not been an easy person to live with and we have not had time to spend with one another because of me being in school and her working too much. I love this woman with all my heart! In fact, I have never loved any woman like I do her. We have two kids that we adopted and I don’t want to lose my family. Still, the thought of her having an emotional affair is bad enough, and the idea of her having had sex with this guy is still in my head. I can’t sleep at night and I have lost 12 lbs in the past two weeks because I can’t even eat. Can anyone offer me some help? I feel like a ping pong ball and the match has no end.

That feeling you have is your "gut" telling you that your wife is full of bull. You know her story doesn't add up or make a bit of sense - a four-year-old wouldn't believe the story she's telling you. You WANT her story to be true, but that does not actually make it true. It is a lie.

Cheaters lie. That is the nature of cheating - hiding and lying and deception. Going forward, assume all of her words are lies. Believe only her actions.

If I leave, I will lose her and my family. If I stay, then I am going to have to live with the thought that she might have had sex with this guy. I have never had to worry about her in the past. I know that she loves me and I know that I love her. Well, I hope that someone can be of some sort of help to me! Thanks!

You are afraid of losing your family. Not so afraid that you will take off some time from work or school, though. You ARE losing your wife and your family. She is NOT ending contact with the other man. Don't be too busy to save your marriage.

In order to save your marriage, you have to be willing to lose it. You cannot accept her continuing her affair with the other man and just wish it to end. It will end on its own eventually, but that might be three years from now. It you want her affair to end, you are going to have to set boundaries for your wife and then enforce them.

She said that my attitude and the fact that I wouldn't listen to her hurt her a lot.

She feels justified that she cheated on you. She feels she can keep cheating until she gets over her hurt. She wanted to set the record straight with both of your families, YOU are the reason for the problems, SHE is just an innocent victim and her cheating on you is completely understandable. DO NOT buy into this nonsense. She could have let you know how serious the situation was to her. Her cheating is not justified.

costa200

So, you have confirmation that your wife cheated on you, both emotionally and at least a measure of physically (just a kiss... yeah), and you're afraid she get mad? Seriously dude... What the hell... At this moment she has no right to get mad over nothing. She has the right to pack up and leave if she doesn't like it. You call the shots and make her dance. If she is unwilling, well, what does that tell you?

She loves you very much? Because getting it on with another dude is the ultimate proof of love right? How does your mother side with her on this? FFS... What the heck...

How do they know she loves you? Because she told them perhaps while crying a bit?

Oh, YOU hurt HER by not listening?
You're surrounded by weird females man...

She is a good woman? Alright. How about a good wife. Is she a good wife?

I'm sorry but your thread is the test case of a guy who has lost all sense of self worth and pride. You get cheated on and your main concerns is that you may be guilty too and you are hurting her and she may be mad now if you act like a hurt husband. Try to put yourself in the third person perspective here. Read what you wrote pretending it to be from a guy you don't know. Can you sense the WEAKNESS put in every sentence in that text?

Let me be aggressively honest here. You do this, she gets your baby, and if this is going the way i think it is she will end up divorcing you and you'll have to pay for this kid (that you may end up seeing at weekends) for 18 years. This even if she gets with the other guy. So basically you'll partially be paying for their lifestyle. How great is that? How can you seriously consider getting this woman pregnant at this moment?