Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
I think it was more than make outs. You don't have an affair phone if it was unplanned make outs. maybe more than one guy? What kind of phone is this? Get the account records for this phone if possible.
Quote:
let's finally have sex,
Why do you think sex never happened if they have this text?
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Sorry man. The writing was on the wall. And now on top of it she's blaming you for being "jealous". Give me a break.
And no. Don't let anybody tell you that sexting a few random women is an EA. It is not. People here get so caught up in that term they forget the definition. For you there was zero emotion involved. None. That is not the definition of an emotional affair. What you did was cyber cheated. It's wrong but gravity of the act is important here. Your WIFE decided it would be cool to talk to multiple ex's, invest deeply in an emotional way with a coworker and then more than likely have sex with him (more than once I'm betting).
Now you have a choice to make. It's going to be hard probably the most difficult decision you've ever made, but believe me when I tell you what you decide here is important for your healing process. I'm not going to tell you to leave since you cheated (cyber) too. But the 2 acts are very different.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
You're putting too much emphasis on this one guy, given how she wanted to justify your jealousy then wanted you to cheat to equal things out don't be surprised if you find a few more quickies to random customers. Start preparing yourself emotionally. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Quote:
She then says "if he's going to be jealous while we aren't doing anything, we may as well make it true".
This is the most appalling statement of them all. She does not respect you one bit. That is not how you talk about the person you care about or respect.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOSTfan
Oh By the way, she thinks I should do the same thing with another girl to make it even. She thinks I don't want to because I want to have the upper hand if we stay together... I said I don't want to because I am actually in love with her. Posted via Mobile Device
Ridiculous!!!
And it's funny how out of the blue she thinks the OM is disgusting.
Nobody buys it.
I don't see what's the point of staying with her anymore.
Judging from this and your other threads, you should let her go. She's doesn't love/respect you. Why keep her?
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
I don't see this as her having two separate incidents with this guy. It was a continuous relationship and it never stopped. They worked in the same place and didn't have to text each other, but they still did. The day in the bar when you had a beer with this guy and he and your wife texted while you were there was a sign that something was terribly wrong. His reaction to your confronting him was a good indication that this wasn't ending.
He may have initiated contact, but she never backe him off it one bit and she actually pursued it. Even if you never expressed an ounce of jealousy towards this guy, she intended to have an affair with this guy. Now, you're jealous nature in general, over an extended period of time, that may have made you very weak and unattractive to your wife.
Your wife's pay is based more on her ability to flirt with men than it actually is based on her ability to serve them drinks. YOUR WIFE'S JOB IS TO FLIRT WITH MEN. This is a recipe for disaster in your marriage.
Some men are unreasonably jealous. Their wife goes out to get the mail, a car passes by, and they accuse their wife of flirting with the driver - that's unreasonable. You are jealous, but you have a pretty good reason, which is that your wife's job is to flirt with other men, how well she does it determines how much money she makes, and some of those guys are wealthy, young, good-looking, funny, etc. She is bound to find some of them attractive. The problem is, your jealousy does make you unattractive.
However, no one cheats because they were accused of it, saying we might as well do it if we're going to be accused anyway. She cheated because she liked this guy and wanted to cheat, she just used your accusation as a justification after the fact.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
This even-the-score business is to try to work you into an open marriage deal. After you do it, she'll be like "see, we're adults. We can handle having others." She's looking to replace you, but for whatever reason, she's not quite ready to move out yet. She's been having an open marriage since she started flirting for tips. I wouldn't let my wife be a cucktail waitress under any circumstances.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
I think before you move forward in your marriage you need to know what's been going on. You can't make decisions about your future without more information about where you stand.
Unfortunately, you cannot believe your wife. She went from you catching her and her telling you that it was friendly texting to telling you it was harmless flirting to telling you she would stop doing it to you catching her with a burner phone to her telling you they just kissed once to her telling you they had sex once, with her telling him he was the best thing in her life to her telling you it's over and he is disgusting. Does this story make sense to you? It doesn't make sense because it's a lie.
If it was going on for a month and his apartment is where she works, she could have been clocking out early and screwing him every night. It probably wasn't just once if she texted him "you're the best thing in my life." Also, he must have had sex with her many times for her to actually think he was ending it with her. He had his fill and was losing interest after just one time having sex with her? Not likely.
As far as her having cheated with others besides this guy, random quickies or whatever, I have no idea and neither do you. She lied to you about this guy and continued lying when you first caught her and still is lying now.
Ask your wife to take a polygraph. See if you can get the truth that way.
In the meantime, she should write a "no contact" letter to the other man and quit her job immediately. She would rather let you fool around on her and you meanwhile let her keep her job (and keep seeing the other man). Maybe she wants to have an open marriage with you and figures her getting you to have an affair is the first step.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOSTfan
What I did was dirty talk with a couple girls from out of state. Cause, unfortunately thats what turns me on. Nothing Physical, I admit to that being an ea. But The fiat ea she had with this guy last month was "you make me smile" crap. The problem was he lived where they work.(hotel). After confronting that, i thought it was over. Until I find a phone confirming this was underground. It was a month of I miss you babes, we need to have sex soon, to I'm lucky youre I'm my life. I am told it was just make outs. That I caused this because of my jealousy. And then I'm told it was just sex once. So hows this in anyway the same thing. Posted via Mobile Device
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOSTfan
Sorry. That last post was idiotic on my part. Aside from being hurt, i had no reason to go off here like that. so I apologize Posted via Mobile Device
Let's compare these two posts of yours. You are conflicted. The one side (post #1) sees this for what it is and is outraged.
Your other side (post #2) is in deep denial and wants to stuff down the emotions. You don't "deserve" to feel anger toward her.
Except that you do.
Why would a long list of random people on the Internet see this for what it is, and you don't? It's because you don't want to believe she would betray you so profoundly. But she did.
She is very, very good at gaslighting. Gaslighting is where you fake out your spouse. You make them think THEY are the crazy ones. It comes from an old movie where the husband would dim the gaslights and then tell his wife she was losing her mind. It is a way to control and manipulate the non-cheating spouse into thinking THEY just have lively imaginations so they won't investigate further and discover the full truth.
You see how much you found on your own. She didn't share this with you voluntarily. You are peeling back an onion and you keep finding more lies.
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chapparal
Whats the divorce rate in Las Vegas? Isn't this the third thread from LV in the last three months?
My friends... well friend now, got divorced after they moved to Las Vegas. They need to rename... Lost Vegas. And the idea that she believes you should go do it with someone to make up for her wrongdoing???
That won't help!
She has done more that she has let on.
Sorry for the situation.
Too much mistrust!
Get together.
Get counseling to determine statuses of relationship.
Get yourself some help! Take care!
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LOSTfan
Some of you have seen my thread about my wife caught texting with a co worker. Thought i solved the, problem. Nope, she took it under ground. They've been texting and at least making out for the last month. Don't know what to do. I'm In shock. Posted via Mobile Device
Been there. He promised to have no contact at all with her, but they continued to email. I sent her an email telling her to leave my husband and family alone. I drove copies of all the emails and texts to the OP's husband to peruse. Now I have a copy of the post by Sweatpea, STICKY: 3 Things Needed to Rebuild Trust in the DS's Honesty It helps me know my rights as a BW and gives me focus. I really feel your pain. It has been 6 months since my discovery, and we are seeing a marriage counselor (2nd session tonight). Here's hoping and you are now in my prayers for recovery, no matter what you choose.
264Likes
Re: Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone. 
