Talk About Marriage banner
Status
Not open for further replies.

Well I was wrong to forgive about the ea and it ending. Found A hidden phone.

62K views 240 replies 51 participants last post by  Shaggy 
#1 ·
Some of you have seen my thread about my wife caught texting with a co worker. Thought i solved the, problem. Nope, she took it under ground. They've been texting and at least making out for the last month. Don't know what to do. I'm In shock.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#6 ·
Some of you have seen my thread about my wife caught texting with a co worker. Thought i solved the, problem. Nope, she took it under ground. They've been texting and at least making out for the last month. Don't know what to do. I'm In shock.
Your concern in an earlier thread of yours about your wife calling you "smothering and controlling" was unfounded, as she was only wanting more freedom to cheat. You can say the same about your concern about your wife being allowed to see her ex-lovers. You were warned. Now you know.

I am truly sorry for your loss. You do not deserve this. Do not let her blame shift this to you. She will try to hold you to a standard of perfection in pointing out how it is your fault, while not holding herself to the same standard. You cannot win this game because as the self appointed judge and jury she does not want you to win. She wants you to be wrong so that she can blame shift fault to you. Do not buy into it for one second.
 
#10 ·
My wife said, this isn't justification. She sobbed and said how wrong she was. But what she says is "thers always a reason that somebody cheats. It doesn't make it right. But a wife who is getting beat, a wife who is dealing with constant jealousy when at the time it is unfounded." Or even, and I think is is her main point, the fact that she saw I sexted 9 months ago. Wigth a couple different women. Everything that I said was emotionless and was after I tried countless times to do with her. Once she found out I stopped for good. Now fast forward to may, she flirts with this co worker, and I find out. She says its done. I act extremely jealous for a week or two.

Now I find that instead of telling him its done like she said she did. It was a convo that went something like this.. "this isn't worth it. We can't text anymore. He's jealous........" two days later, he goes to her asking if he can still communicate any other way besides the phone I know of." She then says "if he's going to be jealous while we aren't doing anything, we may as well make it true". And then begins him giving her a phone for them to communicate.

So now I've read every text sent through this secret phone. It was a lot of sexual innuendos, meet ups to make out and talk. And kind of evolved into I miss yous, I want yous, let's finally have sex, we are great together, you make me so happy.... and the killer.... " you are the best thing in my life"

So she says it was emotional, she was caught up in the moment. She wanted to get away from my smothering and jealousy, so she could have an outlet. Now that I've caught her, she thinks of him in disgust. She says all they did was make out. And that shed never ever leave me for him. She says if I never found out, she would still continue it with him. She says she was hoping that she would eventually get sick of him.. even in the texts, he was talking to her less and less (claiming it was because he was out of town) and she even askedd him. "Are you over this?" And she says she was hoping he would be.


She wants to stay with me but she doesn't and I don't understand how we move on from this...
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#16 ·
My wife said, this isn't justification. She sobbed and said how wrong she was. But what she says is "thers always a reason that somebody cheats. It doesn't make it right. But a wife who is getting beat, a wife who is dealing with constant jealousy when at the time it is unfounded." Or even, and I think is is her main point, the fact that she saw I sexted 9 months ago. Wigth a couple different women. Everything that I said was emotionless and was after I tried countless times to do with her. Once she found out I stopped for good. Now fast forward to may, she flirts with this co worker, and I find out. She says its done. I act extremely jealous for a week or two.

Now I find that instead of telling him its done like she said she did. It was a convo that went something like this.. "this isn't worth it. We can't text anymore. He's jealous........" two days later, he goes to her asking if he can still communicate any other way besides the phone I know of." She then says "if he's going to be jealous while we aren't doing anything, we may as well make it true". And then begins him giving her a phone for them to communicate.

So now I've read every text sent through this secret phone. It was a lot of sexual innuendos, meet ups to make out and talk. And kind of evolved into I miss yous, I want yous, let's finally have sex, we are great together, you make me so happy.... and the killer.... " you are the best thing in my life"

So she says it was emotional, she was caught up in the moment. She wanted to get away from my smothering and jealousy, so she could have an outlet. Now that I've caught her, she thinks of him in disgust. She says all they did was make out. And that shed never ever leave me for him. She says if I never found out, she would still continue it with him. She says she was hoping that she would eventually get sick of him.. even in the texts, he was talking to her less and less (claiming it was because he was out of town) and she even askedd him. "Are you over this?" And she says she was hoping he would be.


She wants to stay with me but she doesn't and I don't understand how we move on from this...
Posted via Mobile Device
She isn't sorry... that right there says she isn't. Well, let me rephrase that... she IS sorry... she's sorry she got CAUGHT!
 
#11 ·
Oh By the way, she thinks I should do the same thing with another girl to make it even. She thinks I don't want to because I want to have the upper hand if we stay together... I said I don't want to because I am actually in love with her.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#13 ·
Lost, don't fool yourself. Nobody buys their lover a secret phone to only get a kiss. Didn't you said OMs place was in the same building as their work? You can be 150% sure it was much more then a kiss, and I have mentioned this in your earlier thread.

As for moving on, don't forget not only did she cheated on you with this guy but she was also openly asking permission to hang out with the other ex.

She's a serial cheater my friend and you've only caught one small part of it. Don't be surprised if you find out all those extra hours of work were being spent on different places. Sorry if I offended you but that's the cold hard reality for you.


Edit:


:slap:

Don't do it. This attitude shows she has a few more dirt to unload but wants to equal things out before confessing them.
 
#12 ·
I dont think she can ask you to trust any of her words. Only her actions will matter for the time being. Total transparency is now critical. Every dime of money, and every minute of her time must be accounted for, freely, and with the understanding of why she needs to do this for you.

Do you even feel like giving her a chance?

edit: The fact that she wants you to do it should say it all. Her perception of what a marriage is supposed to be is way skewed, and her desire to have an "even" playing field is most probably a sign that she is not ready to own her terrible behavior. Even if you did do "it" with someone else, it would still not be behind her back with a secret phone. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Good Luck.
 
#17 ·
Don't trust one word she says, atleast for a while. Get her and you tested for STDs

Now she says you can do the same with the other girl? She is already in the gutter and wants to drag you down to her level and so that you cannot hold this over her head. If she hasn't contacted this other guy yet, confront him and try to get more details(Why the f*ck did you cheat with my wife?). It is most likely a full blown affair. Affair phone speaks about a lot of intent. Contact the HR if you can.
 
#21 ·
Dude my advice LEAVE HER,

1) She has absolutely no remorse
2) She wants you to cheat to make it even , meaning next time she cheats, you have permission to cheat again, what kind of a relationship is that?
3) So bad sex means the affair wasn't sexual, who the **** is she kidding?
4) These type of cheaters are what we call CAKE EATERS, they're the worst kind and more often than not are serial cheaters and hardly ever change even with extensive therapy
 
#25 ·
On "cools", the affair sex is the greatest sex ever; on here, the affair sex the worst sex ever. The only time it's not the worse sex is when the OM can't get it up. Funny how all these OM's are impotent and/or inept, but the WWs keep going back.
IKR? Strange isn't it?
 
#27 ·
Everyone here--is telling you the way it needs to be

You cheated, the 2 of you worked thru it, it stopped, and that was it

Now she cheats, you get it stopped, and then what happens---she starts up again---So you really can't believe anything she says----I promise you those makeout sessions, some of them, were not limited to lip locking---she admits to one time of spreading the legs----That's a large lie.

She says your stifling her---that is nothing more than her using the alleged jealousy, as justification, for her to resume, her A.

She knew you were gonna moniter her, what did she expect

You tell us---what do you really have for a wife, she is a real piece of work, isn't she---she is one very SELFISH woman.---she now wants you to lower yourself and cheat to even the score----does she have any kind of morals at all---I wonder what you both see when you look at her in the mirror

I will tell you why you are getting all this sobbing, and doing what she thinks is needed to stay in the mge

Cuz she is scared sh*tless that you will D, her, and she will be forced to face the big bad world on her own---and you better believe, that is not something she wants to face----she has her nice little life/H./family/mge, and life may not be great, but its OK-----If you D., her that all dissapears------so then that begs the question, what are her motives, for staying

If she loved you at all, which I don't see how that could be, if she is out screwing another man, but if there was some love there for you, when you caught her, and gave her your gift---THE SECOND CHANCE, what did she do---she justified, your hurt/pain/suffering/checking, into a reason to go and cheat again

A cheating spouse that is truly serious, would be doing everything/anything possible no matter what to make a R., work------what does this woman you are married to do---wants you to cheat, and she continues her A., and states, if you hadn't caught her, she would still be screwing her lover

WHAT DO YOU THINK OUGHT TO BE DONE????????
If someone came to you, and presented this to you, as their problem, what would YOUR advice be to them??????
 
#28 ·
:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You've both cheated on each other. You say you are in love with her. Funny how I just responded to other posters response to your other thread regarding why you have a problem w/ her hanging with her ex's. And my response was correct. You cheated and therefore feared she would cheat. And she did. Both of you got caught. She's in it much deeper than you.

If y'all don't get some serious counseling, you may as well file the paperwork now.
 
#29 ·
What I did was dirty talk with a couple girls from out of state. Cause, unfortunately thats what turns me on. Nothing Physical, I admit to that being an ea. But The fiat ea she had with this guy last month was "you make me smile" crap. The problem was he lived where they work.(hotel). After confronting that, i thought it was over. Until I find a phone confirming this was underground. It was a month of I miss you babes, we need to have sex soon, to I'm lucky youre I'm my life. I am told it was just make outs. That I caused this because of my jealousy. And then I'm told it was just sex once. So hows this in anyway the same thing.
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#41 ·
Sorry. That last post was idiotic on my part. Aside from being hurt, i had no reason to go off here like that. so I apologize
Posted via Mobile Device
Let's compare these two posts of yours. You are conflicted. The one side (post #1) sees this for what it is and is outraged.

Your other side (post #2) is in deep denial and wants to stuff down the emotions. You don't "deserve" to feel anger toward her.

Except that you do.

Why would a long list of random people on the Internet see this for what it is, and you don't? It's because you don't want to believe she would betray you so profoundly. But she did.

She is very, very good at gaslighting. Gaslighting is where you fake out your spouse. You make them think THEY are the crazy ones. It comes from an old movie where the husband would dim the gaslights and then tell his wife she was losing her mind. It is a way to control and manipulate the non-cheating spouse into thinking THEY just have lively imaginations so they won't investigate further and discover the full truth.

You see how much you found on your own. She didn't share this with you voluntarily. You are peeling back an onion and you keep finding more lies.
 
#32 ·
Sorry man. The writing was on the wall. And now on top of it she's blaming you for being "jealous". Give me a break.

And no. Don't let anybody tell you that sexting a few random women is an EA. It is not. People here get so caught up in that term they forget the definition. For you there was zero emotion involved. None. That is not the definition of an emotional affair. What you did was cyber cheated. It's wrong but gravity of the act is important here. Your WIFE decided it would be cool to talk to multiple ex's, invest deeply in an emotional way with a coworker and then more than likely have sex with him (more than once I'm betting).

Now you have a choice to make. It's going to be hard probably the most difficult decision you've ever made, but believe me when I tell you what you decide here is important for your healing process. I'm not going to tell you to leave since you cheated (cyber) too. But the 2 acts are very different.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
You have insufficient privileges to reply here.
Top