Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
You're a good man, JValley! The Heavenly Father just walked with you, and will continue to do so. Always remember that lady, no matter what. Truth is, you helped bring her spirit home to you, before she was called to heaven. When time permits, try to visit her gravesite for some personal reflection. It may bring a few tears, but it will help supply added closure. And call your ex-FIL often to check up on him; I think he cares about you also!
And the lady that you're with now will completely understand and will continue to stand by you! God's peace, brother!
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad, for your sake, that you went and did what you had to do in order to make peace. Many people say "...if you ever need someone to talk to..." but just so you know, we are here and we would love to hear about her.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by J Valley
Thank you for all your kind words. Your words have given me comfort and strength. I have not been feeling too well. I will not be attending the funeral. My ex FIL is very concern about me and has advised me to rest and not to attend. He said the family is very appreciative of me being there in the ICU, there is nothing more that he can ask from me.
The ex FIL told me after I left for home, my ex wife’s condition deteriorated. The doctors told the family to prepare for the worst. If there is any consolation to this was that when it came to saying their final goodbyes, my ex FIL spoke a lot of things to the ex and when he mentioned my name, my ex FIL said the ex gave a small smile (according to my ex FIL, it looked like a smile anyway). Not long after that, she passed on peacefully.
I will post more about the OM and the ex laws when I am feeling much better. Thanks again. As for my lady friend, she said it is better for me to be left alone so that I can mourn in peace or privacy (I can’t remember her exact words). She is not coming. Anyway, I have not been eating well and I don’t feel like going out. The boss was kind enough to let me take a few days off.
Just too many coincidences man, just too many. She was happy you were there. Atleast I would like to believe it to be so.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
****As for my lady friend, she said it is better for me to be left alone so that I can mourn in peace or privacy (I can’t remember her exact words). She is not coming. ****
She is wise to choose not to do so. Will you be meeting anyone there who is important to your future, like children between the two of you.
If you need to mourn, then you need to mourn. But please don't accuse your lady friend of being jealous when she might just be smart enough to know that you are not ready for a new relationship.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by warlock07
I hope you are ok OP.
Thanks for checking on me. I am feeling better and slowly getting into my normal routine. A couple of days ago, I received a package from my ex FIL. My ex FIL told me that my ex wife wanted me to have it after she is gone. The package contained a lot of stuff from our marriage and from our dating days. There were letters, photos taken together, cards and some other stuff that I got for her when we were dating/married. I thought she would have thrown all the stuff away when we got divorced. Embarrassingly, I must say that I got rid of all the stuff when we got divorced. It was my way of detachment and moving on.
In the package was a small little card handwritten by her (I recognized her hand writing) which says, “My dearest xxxx, thank you for all the wonderful and happy moments we shared together. Love you always and forever, xxxx”. I must admit that I was a bit disappointed as I was hoping that she would write a longer letter but I guess she probably knew that she was going or she was too weak at that time.
I promised that I would write about some of the things I learned about her from my final visit at the ICU. To continue from my last post, I met my ex in laws in the ICU. It was rather weird, when we came face to face, we instinctively hugged each other and shed some tears. After things began to settle down a bit, my ex FIL invited me to grab a cup of coffee outside. We started with some small talk but I had to know whether the OM will be there anytime soon as I didn’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable with my presence. My ex FIL just shook his head sadly and looked down. He informed me that less than a year after we got divorced the OM met a tragic accident. When I asked my ex FIL whether the OM treated my ex wife well. My ex FIL said the OM was a respectful, polite and decent guy in spite of the affair. Both the OM and ex wife have agreed not to pursue the relationship any further (I will read that as moving to PA) until both of them have got their divorce. Since the OM had kids (unlike us), things were more complicated and took longer for him to settle with his wife. While separated from his wife, the OM died in a tragic accident.
My ex FIL said after the accident, my ex wife went into depression. From my ex FIL’s story, I could see that reality had hit my ex wife when she realized that she was not able to attend the OM’s funeral as it would be rather awkward. If she had attended the funeral, it would probably hurt the OM’s wife even more since the OM’s wife would legally still be the OM’s widow. I guess my ex wife felt that she was like the OM’s mistress. However, my ex FIL did inform me that they had plans to get married once the OM’s divorce has been finalized.
When she fell into depression, my ex in laws and a few of her friends were trying to get her to contact me as they knew that she still had a lot of love for me but she refused. She knew that I had or at least was trying to move on and she didn’t want to treat me as her back up plan. For what it’s worth, she still cared for me. The ex FIL said they persuaded her but she still refused. After about a year, she finally agreed but it was also around that time when she discovered she had cancer. From that moment, she told her family that she will not contact me. She was worried that I would be concern about her and the last thing she wanted from me was being hurt again. Her depression and her condition deteriorated quite rapidly which resulted her being in the ICU.
I apologize for this long post as I owed it to all of you for your concern and support given to me. Thanks once again.
In spite of her imperfections she was descent, she did the honourable thing. we all who have been thru affairs say to our ws "why not just tell me the truth about ur affair". she did just that, gotta give her some credit......sorry man, God's blessings be on you...
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by dblkman
In spite of her imperfections she was descent, she did the honourable thing. we all who have been thru affairs say to our ws "why not just tell me the truth about ur affair". she did just that, gotta give her some credit......sorry man, God's blessings be on you...
Not to bash the dead, but only if she could have done the honorable thing while she was married to J Valley, which is to not cheat. She really did think she was going to sail off into the sunset with the OM until the karma bus literally hit him. But she did at least have the decency not to make J Valley her back up plan.
477Likes
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do 
Helping couples recover and reconcile after an affair or keep their marriages affair-free at 
Completely.
