anonymouskitty

Send Her a card thanking her for all the good times and be done

moxy

Your split was amicable and even though it hurt you both, she did right by you in telling you up front about her intentions rather than having a full on affair and lying to you about it all. That in mind, I don't think it would be harmful for you to see her. If she is critically ill and possibly dying, then I think it'd be good for you to see her and wish her well because it might give both of you a sense of closure.

__________________
"He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it." -Martin Luther King, Jr.

"“We first crush people to the earth, & then claim the right of trampling on them forever, because they are prostrate." -Lydia Maria Child.

Jibril

I happen to be a sentimental SOB, and I'm inclined to agree. However, OP went NC on her, and hasn't been in touch with her for years. She is not his friend.

I would understand if she sent him a Christmas card, or wished him a happy birthday every year. If she has made no effort to be friendly, I don't see why OP should start now. He will only be picking at an old scab.

crossbar

Dude, that's a tough one. People can give you advice until the cows come home but ultimately, it's you who has to make the decision. All I can say is, follow your heart and do what feels right to you.

AngryandUsed

That will be "if you do, I do" type. Why shouldn't we come out of this?
OP is not starting anything new. In fact, he is concluding....

anonymouskitty

You misunderstand Jibril, what he meant was if she was in intermittent contact with OP then visiting her would have been the right thing to do but they're practically strangers now so I don't see any reason for his going there

Having said that I don't think there would be any harm in doing just that, maybe go there and talk about all the laughs and fun times you shared, just getting her in a good mood. Nice thing to do for someone you knew

J Valley

She did sent me a few e-mails, asking if I am taking care of myself and hope that everything is going well. She even sent me an e-mail once reminding me to go for my annual medical check up! However, I have never replied to any of those e-mails.

Thinking back now, maybe I should have replied. You can see that I am having regrets now about past events. Maybe, I should not have gone NC with her. I should just remain friends but at the same time I knew I need to detach in order to move on.

Count of Monte Cristo

Visiting his dying ex might make her feel better -- however, it might also make her feel worse because of how she left him for another man.

anonymouskitty

Well then its only right for you to go there and seek some closure as someone said, bury the past indifference. Better for your immortal soul() No honestly now i think you should be kind to her, she's not got a long time left on this planet. She may well have some regrets that she'd like to atone for

Count of Monte Cristo

I posted this before your response about the emails from her. Oh sh!t! No one gets out of here alive. Go see her, share a hug and a laugh and get on with your life.

keko

Good point.

warlock07

You will have the regret that you should have visited one last time. you can never change that. She sounds like a good woman.

anonymouskitty

I think this is why you should go

Illbehisfoolagain

If she has cancer, and is already unconscious, she probably won't make it long enough for you to make the trip anyway. 72 hours is about the longest she will live while after slipping into a coma. If she is in the 'death rattle' it means she is brain dead and has 24 hours at the most at that point (the noisy breathing is because they are brain dead and no longer have the natural reaction of clearing the phlegm from their throat).

I see no reason why you should have any regrets or guilt about not visiting. You will have to find a way to come to terms with your not responding to her emails. I would bet she totally understood why though. A 16 hour round trip is a long way to see someone who did you like she did, when she won't even know that you are there. Her family WILL be there by her side, and they will be devastated by the impending loss of her. Trust me, that alone will be such a tragic, shattering experience, its just not a scene you want to take part in if you don't absolutely need to.

aug

She's unconscious. Is she at the end stage?

Since your mutual friend called, it could be a hint to go see her.

I say go see her. Thank her for the 8 years. Let her go so that you can move on now without questioning yourself in the future if you should had seen her or not.