Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by J Valley
Thanks everyone. I will be leaving first thing in the morning to visit my ex. It will be a long drive. I strongly believe that visiting her is the right thing to do. In a way, I think I do owe her for all the good times we shared together.
I have just spoken to my lady friend. She didn't seem too happy about it as I will need to cancel our date but she agreed that I should visit the ex. She may have a bit of jealousy issue. Like I said, we have only dated about a month, we still got a long way to go to understand each other.
It will probably be a while before I post here again but I will keep all of you updated. Thanks again.
Good luck, man. This has... just had to pause to take my glasses off and wipe the tears from my eyes.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam
JMO, but, since she cheated on you, and never made amends or restituion, I would not visit her.
Sounds like she really did not care that she was hurting you by having the affair with the other guy. She could have dicorced first, without cheating.
I think, in her own way, she did try to make amends and offer some form of restitution at the time of the breakup.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam
Yeah, except that she set up her next relationship on his time. Maybe he would have met the woman of his dreams during the time she was having her affair, and that opportunity sailed because he , mistakenly, relied on her allegiance to her vows.EA's are affairs, right? It's infidelity, right?
It is in a grey area. We always advice people here to divorce or MC if they start falling in love with the other person or before they start cheating. People do fall out of love and marriages end. When it happened, she did the honorable thing, considering the scenario.(Assuming she did not hide anything)
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
It sounds like you got the whole scenario right, from her A through not answering her emails, to your reaction now. Both of you are obviously good people. I hope you find peace and I am sure your new lady friend will understand and respect you when she has thought it through. All best wishes. Posted via Mobile Device
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
When my guy friend was hospitalized for his brain hemorrhage and in the icu in a coma, etc. I kept waiting for his ex to come and visit him, but she didn't. I think most family members would not be surprised if you wanted to visit and would accommodate a visit. It's natural to want to say goodbye to a partner you cared for and loved. You were a major part of her life for so long, but also if she is coherent you should be prepared to say something to make her feel good at how she contributed to your life.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam
JMO, but, since she cheated on you, and never made amends or restituion, I would not visit her.
Sounds like she really did not care that she was hurting you by having the affair with the other guy. She could have dicorced first, without cheating.
BL, she's human and made mistakes like all of us. I get that you feel that cheaters are the scum of the earth and don't deserve forgiveness or redemption. But everything is not black or white. Ultimately, we are the sum of all of our parts -- some good and some bad. You being a lawyer should understand that.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Are you really sure you want to see someone in the dying stages of cancer? If you have not seen this woman for years, you are in for a shock. Depending on her deterioration, you may not even recognize her. Not a very good last memory.
Plus, you've moved on; why stain your (possible?) new relationship with this? Keep your memories of your ex-wife the way you have them now. They sound like pretty decent memories!
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
It is tough! I feel you should follow your heart. And if compelled to go, take the lady friend, too! She can see you are on the level. AND SO CAN THE ex! Good luck!
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by J Valley
Thanks everyone. I will be leaving first thing in the morning to visit my ex. It will be a long drive. I strongly believe that visiting her is the right thing to do. In a way, I think I do owe her for all the good times we shared together.
I have just spoken to my lady friend. She didn't seem too happy about it as I will need to cancel our date but she agreed that I should visit the ex. She may have a bit of jealousy issue. Like I said, we have only dated about a month, we still got a long way to go to understand each other.
It will probably be a while before I post here again but I will keep all of you updated. Thanks again.
I'm glad to read that you are going. It shows that you are a forgiving, kind and loving person and I suspect that your EX will accept this gesture of friendship in the spirit it was intended and be genuinely glad to see you. This gesture will give both of you the peace of mind that one could only hope for after such an event.
As for your current lady friend, she has nothing to be jealous of. You have a history, and your going to visit your critically ill Ex is not a threat to your new relationship. You gesture merely should indicated to the current lady friend what a genuinely warm and loving person you are that you are capable of forgiveness and closure, and not bitter about your past. If your lady friend can't see that about you, she is self-absorbed and not a keeper.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
As for your current lady friend, she has nothing to be jealous of. You have a history, and your going to visit your critically ill Ex is not a threat to your new relationship.
I'm willing to bet that his lady friend will still resent it somehow. I believe the OP really needs to work at assuring her that this is just a charitable human thing to do, and not some romantic dramatic episode.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by costa200
I'm willing to bet that his lady friend will still resent it somehow. I believe the OP really needs to work at assuring her that this is just a charitable human thing to do, and not some romantic dramatic episode.
I would hope that this new lady friend was mature enough to already know and accept that this as a charitable human thing to do and that the OP would not have to explain it to her. It says something about what she would or would not do under similar circumstances. It's a good character test, in my opinion.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by costa200
I'm willing to bet that his lady friend will still resent it somehow. I believe the OP really needs to work at assuring her that this is just a charitable human thing to do, and not some romantic dramatic episode.
really?
he's been with his new GF for only a month
he isn't visiting some old high school flame or something like that, he's saying GOODBYE to a woman he was married to for 8 years
she's DYING and there is absolutely no chance of a rekindled relationship
frankly, if she isn't understanding of that then I would question her ability to demonstrate empathy
OP- go get your closure, I've seen my mother die of cancer and it won't be pretty and you may not get any answers that you are looking for
477Likes
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do 
