Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
I am with Big Liam on this. I don't think he should have gone, and once he gets there I think he is going to be sorry he did. I don't see this as having any affect of closure for him. If anything its going to tear the scar off a freshly healed wound that she callously inflicted on him three years ago, and then tried to smooth over with the "let's be friends" b.s.
And what if she had married her affair partner and he is there when OP arrives? Um...can you say awkward? Can those of you as BSs imagine what that would be like?
He owes her nothing, and he owes it to himself to move on. Face it, if the mutual friend had not called him and told him of her condition, he would have gone on with his life blissfully unaware that she had died.
I have a question: if she knew she had teminal cancer, then why did she not contact him when she was still pysically able if she wanted to see him one last time to bury the hatchet and bring closure for them both? Nowhere does it appear that she desired, or is desiring, him to come to see her.
What if he gets there, she is conscious and she asks him "What the hell are you doing here?"
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Well, as I said in the edit to my comment, he's already decided to go, so perhaps the friendly TAM thing to do would be to support him, not keep throwing stones about a situation that doesn't affect us one whit.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by warlock07
It is in a grey area. We always advice people here to divorce or MC if they start falling in love with the other person or before they start cheating. People do fall out of love and marriages end. When it happened, she did the honorable thing, considering the scenario.(Assuming she did not hide anything)
Except the OP noted that she was in an EA when she came to him asking for the divocrce. I don't see much grey area here. She cheated, then asked for the divorce. Absent the terminal cancer, I suspect the group's characterization of her actions and subsequent communications would be far less chaitable.
Nevertheless, I wish the OP well in his visit, and I hope it gives him some added peace.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
You said she was unconscience, right? So if that's the case she won't know you're there. Sounds to me like your conscience is working on you.
If it were me, and I chose to make the effort to visit her, I would be sure none of her family were present during my visit. Try visiting during the last visitation period of the night.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Still hung up on her/the marriage after that many years of NC; not sure why he went, but in the end, it's his choice, not ours. As for the 'ladyfriend', she's probably questioning that, at the very least...
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by kindi
If it was my exwife laying there in the hospital bed with terminal cancer I'd send her a card that said "Congratulatons on your achievement" and maybe write on the envelope "Do not open until the funeral".
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by lamaga
Well, as I said in the edit to my comment, he's already decided to go, so perhaps the friendly TAM thing to do would be to support him, not keep throwing stones about a situation that doesn't affect us one whit.
I don't believe he solicited blind support vs others' genuine opinions.No need to patronize the OP. It is disrespectful, IMO.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
I guess I'm in the minority too. To me ex means ex. I just got my divorce this week and I can honestly say I hope to never see my ex again in good health or bad. I don't plan on attending her funeral either.
Yeah... I'm an a$s. What else is new?
I think OP will be sorry he went. But it's his life.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam
I don't believe he solicited blind support vs others' genuine opinions.No need to patronize the OP. It is disrespectful, IMO.
It will be interesting to hear about the OP's experience so that we can use that wisdom to make our own experiences.
these things go both ways. do we want to be at the death bed of someone who cheated on us; or at the deathbed of someone whom we decided we couldn't stand the sight of on a daily basis.
as one friend pointed out to me, just because someone dies doesn't change the fact that they were an ass hole when they were living.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigLiam
I don't believe he solicited blind support vs others' genuine opinions.No need to patronize the OP. It is disrespectful, IMO.
Opinions are all well and good, but once someone has made their decision, there's no need to keep criticizing. It's a move typical of One-Ls, I'm sure you'll agree.
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by Almostrecovered
sorry to hear you harbor such anger
Nothing wrong with a little anger. I would be worried about anyone who was not angry about having been cheated on(you and Ghandi, AR, excepted, of course )
477Likes
Re: Ex Wife is critically ill, don't know what to do 
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