My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 06-28-2012, 04:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

My husband told me last night that he does not love me anymore. He said that he can't handle how up and down I am after I learned about his affair with another woman. I have been trying so hard to recover from it and I admitted to him that I have failed in getting the right help. We are Christians and I always felt as my spiritual leader that he would have helped me through the process, but he just left me fall deeper and become more angry. Now he says that my love for him is not real and that I never loved him. He moved out and got his own place and said it doesn't matter where I go, he will not be with me. On top of that, he will not give me a divorce. He just wants me to live alone and remain married to him. He even is playing a mind game with me saying that if I choose to divorce him after so long, that he will know that I have been planning it all along. My friends say this is emotional abuse and I need to get out. That saddest part of all is we have a son together. I feel it would be in our son's best interest to be with me considering I was the one who supported us all financially and emotionally our entire marriage and his entire life. My husband feels of course that he is the better parent and keeps putting ideas in our 6 year olds head that he can come live with him whenever he wants. I don't feel this is right and I feel if my husband wants to leave our family then he is leaving all that goes with it. I need help. What do I do?
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Old 06-28-2012, 05:06 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

As I said on your other post, DUMP HIM NOW and secure custody of your child. This guy is not worth your time or your trouble or your tears.
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Old 06-28-2012, 05:18 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

You do know that in Matthew chapter 19 infidelity is grounds for divorce?

Your husband abdicated any role he might have had as leader of the family. He chose to step aside. You are no longer obligated to look to him for spiritual guidance in any fashion. He never led by example anyhow.

His undermining of your role as a mother is frankly evil. Start keeping track of what he says, because you need to start collecting evidence to protect your custodial rights.
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Old 06-28-2012, 05:32 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

This is so wrong.A man who goes out and has an affair is no leader at all,especially a spiritual one.
He's putting the blame on you and saying you need to recover?? No,no,no....Yes its 50/50 of the problems in marriage but the affair is all on him.
I was raised a Southern Baptist under strict rules
and cheating on youre spouse is a huge no,no.
I'm into 4 1/2 months of R now after my wifes affair,it isnt easy but she is accepting all the blame for what she did and tells me how sorry she is every day.Dont let your husband play the victim card.Mind games? Oh yeah, he's trying to turn it around on you,dont let him.
I'm very sorry this is happening to you.You will find many good people here with a ton of good advice to help you.You dont deserve this.
I wish you well.Hang on and dont give up.The people here helped me and what they did was incredible.
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

Stay strong in your christian values and like the other poster said Matthew chapter 19 gave us the way out. He is the one that fell out of Christ. When I went through my wifes affair I remember how bad Jesus was treated and I will never come an inch near what he suffered. So I looked to him on how to get through all the mess.

With prayer. And yes I did pray for the other man also. In the end God worked it all out and we are stronger than ever.

We also went to MC and MC with our preacher.
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Old 06-28-2012, 07:42 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

We sought out counseling when he first told me about the affair. When we were in counseling he admitted that he was wrong and he admitted that I was going to be going through a hard time and that he would do whatever necessary to help me through it. In the end though now he believes that love is not a choice and he believes that our marriage counselor has been wrong all along. I know that he's lost right now and I know that he's not thinking clearly. but as of right now according to him there's nothing more I can do to prove to him that I do love him. As a matter of fact he just now finished getting the rest of his belongings and leaving. I did earlier set aside some time to speak to his mother about what was going on and she doesn't seem to know what to tell me. She says we are polar opposites and that we both have our own faults. I'm supposed to be leaving for Dallas tomorrow with my son and we're supposed to be moving into our apartment. I'm not sure what my husband is going to think or try to do after that. I know he's told me that if my son decides he wants to live with him that I need to let him move back up here and live with him. My son is only six years old and I truly don't believe my son knows what he really wants. I know that my son is going to miss his dad and I know he doesn't understand what is going on between us. My fear is that once my son begins to miss his dad and starts telling his dad he wants to see him, my husband's going to equate that with him wanting to come live with him. My son is told me that he wants to live with me and he says it doesn't matter what the other parent does for him but it's all about who loves him. I think this is really mature for a six-year-old to say but at the same time I really hope it's true. I want my marriage to work and I wanted to survive but at the same time I don't want to stay married to somebody who doesn't want me. I don't want to live with my son just the two of us knowing that my husband will never come down and be with us. I'm so confused on what the right and Christian thing to do is right now. I tried asking our marriage counselor what to do she has no answers for me. I've often wondered if secretly my husband is planning on serving me with papers after I move to Dallas and he's just not being honest about it. I'm so confused, I'm so hurt, and all I can keep doing is praying but I feel like God is not listening.

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Old 06-28-2012, 08:43 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

You husband sound very narcissitstic, and of course emotionaly abusive and manipulative. Who gives a damm about what he might think if you divorve his sorry ass and why? He's a cheater. You don't need to explain it a sh!t.
Don't buy the mink fuuckery.
Hard 180.
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Old 06-28-2012, 08:46 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

Talk to lawyer ASAP. You don't tell him a darn thing. He fired you as wife and friend.
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Old 06-28-2012, 08:46 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

Tell your a-hole of a husband to f himself. No one "gives" a divorce. Just cram it down his sanctimonious throat.
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:21 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

Of course he doesn't love you anymore. He screwed up and now he has to hold your hand while you recover, and that takes MAJOR work and effort, so he gave up. Can it get any simpler?
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Old 06-28-2012, 09:32 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

If he waned to R,he would show it.He would be full of remorse,guilt,he would regonize what he did and tell you how wrong it was,he would apologize over and over.His actions would show you that he loved you.He would committ to working on the marriage.
This is what my spouse has done and still is.
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:37 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

By the way when was your discovery day?
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Old 06-28-2012, 10:49 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Discovery day?
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Old 06-28-2012, 11:03 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: My husband says he doesn't love me anymore.

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Discovery day?
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Assuming you are in North America, some feel it is sometime in 1492. There is debate on this, though.Presumably, the natives already discovered this place. I think Leif Erickson has some claim, as well.
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Old 06-28-2012, 11:05 PM   #15 (permalink)
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We sought out counseling when he first told me about the affair. When we were in counseling he admitted that he was wrong and he admitted that I was going to be going through a hard time and that he would do whatever necessary to help me through it. In the end though now he believes that love is not a choice and he believes that our marriage counselor has been wrong all along. I know that he's lost right now and I know that he's not thinking clearly. but as of right now according to him there's nothing more I can do to prove to him that I do love him. As a matter of fact he just now finished getting the rest of his belongings and leaving. I did earlier set aside some time to speak to his mother about what was going on and she doesn't seem to know what to tell me. She says we are polar opposites and that we both have our own faults. I'm supposed to be leaving for Dallas tomorrow with my son and we're supposed to be moving into our apartment. I'm not sure what my husband is going to think or try to do after that. I know he's told me that if my son decides he wants to live with him that I need to let him move back up here and live with him. My son is only six years old and I truly don't believe my son knows what he really wants. I know that my son is going to miss his dad and I know he doesn't understand what is going on between us. My fear is that once my son begins to miss his dad and starts telling his dad he wants to see him, my husband's going to equate that with him wanting to come live with him. My son is told me that he wants to live with me and he says it doesn't matter what the other parent does for him but it's all about who loves him. I think this is really mature for a six-year-old to say but at the same time I really hope it's true. I want my marriage to work and I wanted to survive but at the same time I don't want to stay married to somebody who doesn't want me. I don't want to live with my son just the two of us knowing that my husband will never come down and be with us. I'm so confused on what the right and Christian thing to do is right now. I tried asking our marriage counselor what to do she has no answers for me. I've often wondered if secretly my husband is planning on serving me with papers after I move to Dallas and he's just not being honest about it. I'm so confused, I'm so hurt, and all I can keep doing is praying but I feel like God is not listening.
Please dont let your son believe he has any responsibility in the decision of whom he lives with. It seems you havent asked him which parent he would prefer, but he shouldnt have to worry about "taking the right side" , whichever side thst might be at the moment. Make sure he knows that you as the parent will do what needs to be done to assure he is in the best possible living situation.

When parents are divorcing it is so hard for most of them to keep the kids out of all the awful adult decisions that need to be made. My folks are divorcing after 43 years of marriage and even though I am 37 year old woman they are still trying to get me to take sides. Its gotten to the point where I had to send my dad a "no contact" letter and my mom is no longer allowed to discuss anything divorce related in my presence.

My point us, you have done your best up until now to live a Godly life and be the wife you know you should, try to remember that the only thing that truly matters is keeping your boy safe physically and emotionally.
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