Kallan Pavithran

You already know that they were flirting in an inappropriate way then why you went to meet him and tolerated him flirting in front of you? This way you gave them an impression that you can be cuckolded easily. What kind of a friend send a married friend sex songs describing what he will do to her, if the meet up? why didn't you realised it earlier that they have feelings for each other. In a way you enabled her affairs by your passiveness, by only some meaningless words without any consequences.

She know that what she did with her first OM was cheating so any WS will be working their ass out to R and do everything to ease your pain but she is going to paint with her old flame alone in your home.REALLY?

We know what they will paint, eve and Adam doing kink sex on your marital bed, do you want to see that painting? if not then let her go man she is not a marriage material, else she will do it again and again. It will be difficult for you to leave her after few yrs with kids in the scene.

KanDo

Look Nick, I don't know what stage in your training you are at; but, this is not going to get better. You are early in your marriage and she is having at least one affair (and only she knows if there are/were others). She is not truly remorseful. She is playing you big time. Get out while you can. There are plenty of wonderful women looking for great guys. The one you have chosen is broken. Send her back!

Keep her at your own peril.

Acabado

Why the hell she doesn't have female friends! She needs to find out WHY?

anonymouskitty

Nick

Read This

No More Mr. Nice Guy

And more importantly

LEAVE HER before you start raking in the dough

badbane

Yea cause when I call my high school friends the first thing i do is see if they can give me ideas for paint colors........ COME ON
I am sorry this is happening to you but I am sensing the BETA in you. It is time to go Alpha male now. I am sure someone on here will link you to the 180. It is time to get serious and stop this behavior before it spirals totally out of control. At this point totally out of control seems to be not that far off.
I will pray for you my man.

lordmayhem

iheartlife said it best, that she needs to have the attention of multiple men. She needs that external validation. She can't get that from female friends.

She wants to date other men, seriously, how messed up is that? She told that straight to Nick's face. Nick should give her a divorce so she can date all the men she wants. Of course she won't want to, she wants the security of marriage, but the freedom to date other men. She is obviously a classic cake eater.

__________________
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Machiavelli

simply an outstanding post.

Machiavelli

Nick,

Do you have religious beliefs that would keep you from ending the marriage?

Since you're in med school, you should be able to work up your T panel. I suggest you do it. You're way too tolerant, unless you're into that kind of thing, and I know you're not.

Tall Average Guy

But forgiveness with out action on the part of the transgressor is without real meaning. The OP says they are working on their marriage, yet her actions show she is really not. She is making the same mistakes, and not evn trying. Seriously, having another guy come over to paint while your husband is out of the house after you get busted for an EA? How can anyone think that is okay on any planet?

To the OP - while I agree with most others that you should probably cut her loose, if you want to stay here are a couple of things that need to be done:

1) no more male friends for her. She can't be trusted with them at this time. Also No Contact letters to all of these guys.
2) IC for her (probably for you as well for your willingness to put up with this crap) and MC from a counsel who specializes in infidelity.
3) You reading No More Mr. Nice Guy, Married Man's Sex Primer, and Hold on to Your Nuts. You have to work on boundaries and stop being a doormat.
4) Get His Needs Her Needs and figure out how to communicate.

There is a lot of crap you need to do, and frankly I am not sure it is worth the effort.

NextTimeAround

Hav ing had a med student as a roomate when I was in college, boy do I know how busy she was when she started doing residency. OP, if your wife is bored now and needs to find other men to keep her interested, boy she's really going to be bored once you do your residency.

I also agree with someone else here, it really should be a red flag when a woman doesn't have female friends and particularly when they don't care, or worse, are proud of it.

Stephanie.Jackson

I don't know how much insight I can give you, but I can sort of understand what is going on.
I've been with my husband since I was 16, him 18, and we got married when I was 19 and now I am 22. BTW, as a nursing student, I have so much respect for what you are doing education-wise. I couldn't do it lol.
Anyways, I cheated, both EA and PA. I confessed to my husband (although he had been snooping for almost 3 weeks by then I found out) and he gave me the boot and so now we are living separately. Now, I know I messed up hugely. I have ZERO desire to contact the OM and my primary focus is fixing my marriage, even though many people on this forum aren't supportive because they think marrying at our ages is what caused this, and it's not, I caused this. It could have happened at any age and so I don't agree with the age thing. Now I do think the PP are correct that maybe your wife wasn't ready to get married. And I definitely believe you were. But the thing is, as a cheater, I am feeling incredibly STUPID, disappointed in myself, and extremely remorseful. Because I AM remorseful. Your wife however, keeps making the same mistake over and over again (okay we will call it a choice cause the word mistake is not appropriate here). If I were as fortunate as her and my husband eagerly decided to work it out instead of being in the confused state that he is in now, I would NEVER EVER EVER contact the OM. Kinda like I am now.

You need to file for legal separation. Or serve her with divorce papers. Her response to that will show you how she truly feels. She's playing with you and knows that you are wrapped around her little finger and is being a cake eater as was previously stated. Remember, just because you file for divorce doesn't mean you have to actually go through with it. Good luck.

jnj express

Hey stephanie---good post---you, coming from your side of things---can be valueble here----

aug

If she needs a male best friend, then you're her placeholder I would think.

67flh

ok,future doctor---here is a glimpes of your future unless you dump your wife NOW...your finished med school,your starting to make some serious coin,your wifes going to dump your azz and hit you up for serious alimony,depending what state you're in, possibly for life...only thing saving your azz, is your wifes too STUPID to realise this,consider this as a lightning bolt hitting you(a once in a lifetime happening)to the insite of your wifes true colors and run like hell.

Kallan Pavithran

he may be thinking that his wife is different, we know cheaters are same, cheaters who are not remorseful and respectful will cheat again and again........