Your funny. I'm far from a demanding person. I never have been. I have zero expectations from anyone.
My ex husband has told my daughter that he had 3 affairs on his current wife, he had several affairs on me and was abusive. I have a zero tolerance for cheating, but that is just me. I believe if you truly love someone, you would never cheat. I would leave my husband now if he cheated. No second chance. You are getting a second chance.
I did not say you are a serial cheater per say, I said you have the possibility of one by what you are saying. Hey, you cheated on your husband, I didn't cheat on mine.
I do whatever I can to please my own husband. We have had a very good 12 years of marriage. We are inseparable and best friends. I would never disrespect him in any way.
I understand your husband was a serial cheater, but honestly, when talking about infidelity, the stories usually all sound similar.
My friend's husband came home the same day as my husband, and we were sitting at my kitchen table making homecoming signs, and she said something small and meaningless, and I could tell she was cheating on her husband. I told her "You are cheating on Josh aren't you?" and she got quiet and said "yes, with his best friend." So, the stories and behaviors are very similar. She then admitted that she has been WANTING to cheat on him and doesn't think they should have gotten married. To me, that really sounds like someone who would cheat over and over again if they remained married to that person.
I forgot to add, my husband and I always tell each other about when other people come on to us strongly. In fact, months before he deployed and the OM was coming onto me, I told him all about it, and he just called the OM an idiot. At the time, I thought nothing would ever come of it so I felt comfortable telling my husband about him. We've also both admitted that it feels like a nice ego boost when people come onto us, cause we both feel we aren't very good looking (I think he is gorgeous and he thinks I am, it's just when we evaluate ourselves, we're like no). It has nothing to do with being a serial cheater, not in my eyes at least. To me, it has to do with being completely honest as well, but that is my opinion.
I've learned my lesson. If I really want to be with someone else, I will leave my husband. This isn't worth it at all. But then again, I know for a fact this only happened because my husband was deployed and absent for a year.
BTW Ilovemyhubby, i would have left your ex husband as well, especially due to the abuse. That is a total dealbreaker to me, with or without the infidelity.
I tried very hard to get my ex h help. We even went to MC and IC. It did not help. I put my heart and soul into trying to make that relationship work. I gave it my all. However, I was relieved to find out he slept with other women. I was looking for a way out, i was tired of the abuse. I can't tell you how happy I am with my current husband. Life has given me a break. My husband stood by my side when I broke my neck 4 years ago. He didn't sign up for a crippled wife. Ever since my injury, I've done everything I can to keep him happy. My ex h would of buried me in the ground if my injury occurred while married to him telling me how worthless I am. I would never do anything to screw it up. I have it very good.
I do believe you have a second chance at your marriage. I do know acting crazy towards someone is a turnoff. You both are young, he may not like the crazy side in you and leave for good.
I've learned my lesson. If I really want to be with someone else, I will leave my husband. This isn't worth it at all. But then again, I know for a fact this only happened because my husband was deployed and absent for a year.
I've learned my lesson. If I really want to be with someone else, I will leave my husband. This isn't worth it at all. But then again, I know for a fact this only happened because my husband was deployed and absent for a year.
Allow me to be blunt.
You cheated because your moral boundary is weak. Find ways or reasons why it should be stronger.
Yes, my moral boundary is weak. I am saying that the affair wouldn't of occurred or crossed my mind if the deployment never happened (I am not saying this is the deployments fault, or that it's excusable). If life would have continued on normally, I can say with 100% certainty that the affair wouldn't have happened, that is all. There is nothing wrong with saying that, and my husband knows it as well.
Oh, I forgot to add, I just got back from the house and I told him that although he may be ready to throw in the towel, I am not and so I would appreciate it if he would continue on with marriage counseling with me, and he said that's totally fine with him (even smiled). Then I told him if he wants to, I'd like to take him jetskiing next week. He got really giddy over that, then asked why do I want to do that. I told him that I want to continue having fun with him as long as I can. He said that sounds great and he will get back to me on a date we can go.
Yes, my moral boundary is weak. I am saying that the affair wouldn't of occurred or crossed my mind if the deployment never happened (I am not saying this is the deployments fault, or that it's excusable). If life would have continued on normally, I can say with 100% certainty that the affair wouldn't have happened, that is all. There is nothing wrong with saying that, and my husband knows it as well.
You still won't take responsibility for what you did & until you do, your R has no chance because you're still lying.
Of course there's something wrong with saying that, it's a cop out because you're trying to avoid taking responsibility for YOUR choice.
It's not the deployment's fault, it's not your husband's, hell it's not even the OM's fault.
This squarely rests 100% on your shoulders & the sooner you get that through your head the better off you'll be.
Until you fully accept that this is all because of YOU, you're not going to have a true R.
"If I want to be with someone else, I'll leave my husband."
This is something my WH said as a promise for our future. This is where his (and your) problem is. You can NOT be committed to a marriage or a person if there is the possibility in your mind or heart of "someone else". No. Marriage is forever and means you forsake ALL others. No matter who you meet in the future and how wonderful they may truly be...you married your husband!
This is a big reason my H and I are on the path to D even though I was open to R. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh, I forgot to add, I just got back from the house and I told him that although he may be ready to throw in the towel, I am not and so I would appreciate it if he would continue on with marriage counseling with me, and he said that's totally fine with him (even smiled). Then I told him if he wants to, I'd like to take him jetskiing next week. He got really giddy over that, then asked why do I want to do that. I told him that I want to continue having fun with him as long as I can. He said that sounds great and he will get back to me on a date we can go.
I have taken responsibility for what I've done. Not once have I blamed anyone or anything. There is nothing wrong with saying that it wouldn't have happened if the deployment didn't occur. It's the truth. I wouldn't have had the want of replacing my husband while he was gone. Never did I say this deployment ruined me/us. It was a part of the circumstances that led to the affair, yes, but so were other things. Had the deployment never happened, or had other things fallen into different place, it wouldn't have occurred. So stop saying that I am blaming something else when I have taken full responsibility of my actions.
Also, no I am not going out hunting down other guys. But honestly, what I said was true. I never said "If I find a cute guy I'm attracted to, I will leave my husband." I'm saying if I stupidly place myself in this same situation, which I NEVER plan on doing but let's just theoretically say it happened, I would leave my husband. I never want to betray my husband like this ever again, and I am mad at myself for letting it happen once. Asking if I want to do it again is a pointless question. Yes, I understand there are serial cheaters out there, but that is not who I am trying to be and I will make sure I never give my husband a reason to say "darnit, I shouldn't have given her a second chance."
And yes crossbar, baby steps. I figure he can't think too much about the OM if he's skiing on the water but no seriously, I just want him to have a good time. A really good time. And I'd like to be right there with him.
Oh, I forgot to add, I just got back from the house and I told him that although he may be ready to throw in the towel, I am not and so I would appreciate it if he would continue on with marriage counseling with me, and he said that's totally fine with him (even smiled).
Do you know why he smiled? I take smiling in this situation as a sort of relief. You already said you weren't giving an ultimatum to your husband. But i believe, according to your description of events, that it was understood as such.
You did good there making yourself the mover in the relationship. He must feel you willing to do that, because he must be exhausted. Mentally, that is.
Now to the guys who keep sniping at stephanie, i understand you guys. If you look at my posts you will see that i take a very hard line with cheating and that if it was me i would have dumped a cheater in a lake of fire without a second thought. BUT this woman's husband has decided to work at it and Stephanie seems to be remorseful and decided to make it up for her shortcomings. She is asking for help in doing that.
It serves little to no purpose to have her defend herself every 4-5 posts. So, instead of going back to her faults, that she is becoming aware of, i would ask the most experienced guys to give her precise indications on what she effectively needs to do. , instead of sidetracking this whole thread.
Stephanie, i know the environment here is... hostile... But i think you are making progress, so keep yourself together alright?
453Likes
but no seriously, I just want him to have a good time. A really good time. And I'd like to be right there with him.
