I think I have finally learned how to take sex for what it is, just sex. Maybe I learned that with the OM. Because looking back, that's all it was, a physical body replacing my husband during his absence. I used to be very emotionally tied to sex.
I believe the OM taught me how to have an orgasm, and get myself into the right mindset. It really is a mind thing. However, he did put a lot more effort into it than he used to. We discussed it before I came over.... the things I wished were different in that department and stuff. So between my new-found ability/knowledge and his putting in more effort, I was able to reach the big O. If he had done what he was doing the last 2 years, I never would have.
I donīt think the OM taught you anything except that there are predatory men out there who are looking for vulnerable married women to have sex with.
Maybe you learned to orgasm because you discovered how important passion is to sex. Letīs face it, passion can make even the most mundane of tasks extremely pleasurable. People who attack life with a passion excel in almost everything in life.
...I believe the OM taught me how to have an orgasm...If he had done what he was doing the last 2 years, I never would have.
Having an orgasm is a natural human function. If you had not communicated to your husband what your physical needs were prior to him having sex with you, he would have done what he was doing for the last two years. Communication is important for every aspect of a relationship.
BTW, the sooner you stop assigning positive traits to the OM, the better your chance to save your marriage will be. You should be repulsed by the thought of what you allowed him to do to your marriage, and how much that hurt your partner, and by extension, should be repulsed by him.
I have a female friend that had her first orgasm, with her husband of 20 years after her 43th birthday's party. She already had given up but then started paying attention at her body, her reactions and boy... she claimed had become a sex addict (she was as normal as the next door girl), she started using toys, reading about the G-spot, positions, she nearly killed her husband for a solid year before things started to calm down. Sadly there's a high proportion of women who never had it in their lives.
What's the diference between the being friends after divorce and reconciliation? Being friends means he doesn't risk his heart again. Staying married means he has to put himself in the cross line again, enduring who knows for how much time very little trust, the uncertainty of being burned again next time you decided to drop your boundaires. Then there are many, many things like justice, pride, further emaculation, gossips, family influence, shame... Maybe he thinks he could reconcile if he was able to fight those things and if you manage to make him believe you can "affair proof" yourself (I always felt insulting this "affair proof" the marriage concept, there's not such a thing because it doesn't involve personal responsability). You are young, have no children... the idea of starting fresh is way more appealing.
From the things you wrote I believe he still loves you, he's obviously attracted to you, he's even putting effort in pleasuring you and is being rewarded for it, can see a future...?
I'm sending positive vibes ahead so you have your chance at reconcilliation.
I am not necessarily trying to glorify the OM, like I said, I do not miss him or want him back in my life at all. But being in that "relationship" helped me achieve my first orgasm. I've read books, all over the internet, asked other people, and no matter what couldn't achieve it. I gave up and tried to just relax... nope.
I definitely believe there was too little communication about why our sex life (to me only) was bad. I always thought I was broken... I couldn't orgasm and everything down there hurts so bad... but then like I said, I found those pills and that cleared the pain/irritation down there and now I can achieve the big O. I guess I just didn't want to hurt his man ego :/
I definitely believe there was too little communication about why our sex life (to me only) was bad. I always thought I was broken... I couldn't orgasm and everything down there hurts so bad... but then like I said, I found those pills and that cleared the pain/irritation down there and now I can achieve the big O. I guess I just didn't want to hurt his man ego :/
I am not NECESSARILYtrying to glorify the OM, like I said, I do not miss him or want him back in my life at all. But being in that "relationship" helped me achieve my first orgasm. I've read books, all over the internet, asked other people, and no matter what couldn't achieve it. I gave up and tried to just relax... nope.
I definitely believe there was too little communication about why our sex life (to me only) was bad. I always thought I was broken... I couldn't orgasm and everything down there hurts so bad... but then like I said, I found those pills and that cleared the pain/irritation down there and now I can achieve the big O. I guess I just didn't want to hurt his man ego :/
.. I don't feel like divulging on the internet why..
Seems so odd, with you going into so many private details of your life in this thread, and your conversations at work with random people about your issues, that you would make that statement given the inherent anonymity of posting on the net
His loss is not addressed because maybe he has no loss (besides the emotional wreck I made him with my actions, and all the hurt I caused him). He is going to be fine financially, he's a good looking man, and he's sweet as can be still. His only loss would be of his best friend really.
He explained what the hotel thing was about a couple days ago and it's made perfect sense and so I've dropped it. He said he is not on the prowl or anything. I believe we've come to a mutual agreement that he really likes to have sex with me, and I totally will give him whatever he wants in that department if he so decides to call me up and ask.
So my counselor thing this coming Thursday wasn't able to go through due to insurance purposes, so I had to pick another one. My appt is tomorrow at 10am with this guy, so hopefully it goes well. My husband said as long as they let him off for work (he said they should, the army is all about marriage reconciliation), he will be there. It's funny because on Thursday night when we talked, he said NO COMMUNICATION between us, except for the counseling thing (I will just text him the time/date/address and hope he shows up). So yesterday I texted him all the info, and he responded "I will be there if they let me get off work." So I said "K". Well he called me at 1am today and just told me all about his day and his new truck... we talked for like 30 minutes before I got too curious and asked why he called (not in a mean way, just confused) and he said "I promised i would call to let you know I am going to try and make it to the counseling session" and I was like "you never promised me you'd call... I thought that was what the text was for" and he said "I promised myself I would call." I thought that was really odd. I think he was bored and wanted to chit chat. But anyways, I will see him tomorrow in counseling, which I really can't wait cause it's been since Thursday night so I'm excited to see him He's not very good with the NC thing though, but I'm not complaining
You need to read this and understand, really understand. Do you understand that right now your husband has lost his life. He is questioning everything about himself, every decision he's ever made is being second guessed. He wonders if he is really a man, he wonders if he can ever have a meaningful relationship with a woman. He wonders if he will ever want one.
Stephanie, I don't really think you entirely grasp what you have done here from your husband's perspective. Right now he may in large part be wishing he had died before coming home from deployment. Please do not minimize what I just said because when my wife revealed her affair to me I wished I had died before she told me. That was how much pain and confusion I was experiencing.
Bullet wounds heal and other than a small scar there is often little to remind one of the injury. This kind of injury goes so much deeper. No doctor can cure this injury. No surgeon can cut out this pain. There is no treatment for this trauma. His life is a lie and you are the trickster.
He hasn't lost anything? On the contrary, he's lost everything.
His loss is not addressed because maybe he has no loss (besides the emotional wreck I made him with my actions, and all the hurt I caused him). He is going to be fine financially, he's a good looking man, and he's sweet as can be still. His only loss would be of his best friend really.
He explained what the hotel thing was about a couple days ago and it's made perfect sense and so I've dropped it. He said he is not on the prowl or anything. I believe we've come to a mutual agreement that he really likes to have sex with me, and I totally will give him whatever he wants in that department if he so decides to call me up and ask.
So my counselor thing this coming Thursday wasn't able to go through due to insurance purposes, so I had to pick another one. My appt is tomorrow at 10am with this guy, so hopefully it goes well. My husband said as long as they let him off for work (he said they should, the army is all about marriage reconciliation), he will be there. It's funny because on Thursday night when we talked, he said NO COMMUNICATION between us, except for the counseling thing (I will just text him the time/date/address and hope he shows up). So yesterday I texted him all the info, and he responded "I will be there if they let me get off work." So I said "K". Well he called me at 1am today and just told me all about his day and his new truck... we talked for like 30 minutes before I got too curious and asked why he called (not in a mean way, just confused) and he said "I promised i would call to let you know I am going to try and make it to the counseling session" and I was like "you never promised me you'd call... I thought that was what the text was for" and he said "I promised myself I would call." I thought that was really odd. I think he was bored and wanted to chit chat. But anyways, I will see him tomorrow in counseling, which I really can't wait cause it's been since Thursday night so I'm excited to see him He's not very good with the NC thing though, but I'm not complaining
It is good for you that he is still not completely detached but you seem to enjoy the control(?) you have over him a bit too much.. Just watch out.
453Likes
Re: I want to die right now 
He's not very good with the NC thing though, but I'm not complaining 
