Re: I want to die right now
Well both my parents (Whom divorced 2 years ago) are in the car to give me company and drink together and decide what our plan of action is going to be. Up until my husband called me 15 minutes ago, we all decided that I am going to say f*ck it and move back into the house because this whole living separately thing is NOT working and what else do I have to lose at this point.
Now when my husband called, I got even more confused (but it stopped the endless bawling/crying/cussing/screaming)
H: So what did you want to talk about?
Me: Are you and Angela trying to be a couple?
Me: Do you have feelings for her at all?
H: No, I just enjoy talking to her.
Me: When are yall planning this vacation for?
H: Oh we were just all 4 discussing it, no set date just getting ideas and stuff.
Me: And you think it's okay to share a hotel room with this woman right now?
H: I haven't really thought into it much. It's all just ideas and starting to plan things, nothing more. How did the conversation with the chaplain go?
Me: He said you and I need to come in on Monday and we all three need to have a discussion.
H: What chaplain was it?
Me: The division chaplain.
H: Oh SH*T okay so I pretty much really have to come in. Can we do it Tuesday because I am off Monday and that's when I will be coming into town.
Me: That's fine. Now here's the thing. I know you wish I weren't your wife, but I am. And I know you aren't giving a reconciliation a second thought, but I am. And as your wife I feel that even though I messed up majorly, you need to work on this, even if just a little, so we have no regrets because you're being very vague and sending mixed messages. I am doing all I can and you aren't doing anything at all in any direction except maybe against the marriage, but yet won't give me the final "leave me alone forever" text.
H: Oh okay so you messed up, but I have to work on this marriage to fix it? Why do I have to work to fix something I never wanted broken?
Me: No, I am taking that burden and willing to do the heavy lifting in this. But you need to help in other ways. Until you give me a final answer at least, you need to put in some effort.
H: Like what?
Me: I need you to come to counseling with me. Not just this chaplain thing here in a few days, I need you to come with me to all my counseling sessions until you tell me to f*ck off for good.
H: That sounds okay with me.
Then his phone died. SO wow I am shocked, I am getting my wish to have MC together! When just like 4 days ago he said no, not for a very long time, if even then. Now my problem is, do I still put myself into the house or do I stay here in this apartment 3 miles away? Or do I wait for the chaplain appt tuesday? My parents said I should move into the house (before I told them about this phone convo) but they will keep this apartment open in case it goes sour I will always have a place to live. My goal is to get him to stop detaching himself from our marriage and me, and get him to the point where any vacation with any woman besides me is just awkward and feels wrong.