I don't know if you'll read this in time but Dude, remember. Express what your feeling. Pretty much say to her what you been saying to us. And if you want to do it loudly, okay...whatever floats your boat. But, when it's all said and done, and the dust settles a little. Have some viable solutions by the end. Whether it's a divorce, or seperation or immediate MC. Have some idea's of what you need from her and what you need for yourself. Because if you don't have those things then all you're doing is b*tchin and no one really pays attention to someone who just b*tchin.
Many that have posted on your thread are going through the same sh*t you are right now. Read some posts from CTS and Sara, It will enlighten you and make you realize you are not alone.
You have been given good advice by all. Print out what Morituri sent you and give it to your wife after you have spoken with her.
It is fine to vent on your wife and be angry but in the end it will not solve too much other than letting your wife know how pissed you are and raise your blood pressure.
However, what you need to do is set conditions on your wife if you are to remain in the marriage.
1. SHe tells you the entire truth with a written timeline.
2. She has no passwords on her cell, facebook or email and gives you access to her computer and cell phone.
3. She agrees to write a No Contact letter to posom.
4. She agrees to be an open book on what she is doing, when she is doing it and whom she is doing it with.
5. She agrees to get professional counselling, not just a MC but a independent counsellor to find out why she did this.
This is a start and I hope you talk goes well tonight.
Steve you get mad. You show her the raw emotion that is churning you up inside. (don't hit her) But she needs to see what she has done to you. She has lot her right to be thought of, considered before, and walked on eggshells for.
If she wants you back she needs to shut up and take it.
But you need to 180 and definitely 180 her. You need to put her out in the cold and she needs to see that her fantasy has real world consequences.
Find your line in the sand and be prepared to head for non-defiled pastures. This is about you now and your wife better make this about you now too or she is nothing more than a cheater. You don't deserve this, and she better let go of this fantasy or that is all she will have left.
Well, I did it. I didn't yell except to tell her "Shut the f**k up" when she tried to interrupt me or take an angry tone with me. I was totally in control. She had to nerve to say the other guy threw her away like garbage. My response "No you threw our family away like garbage. You were treated as what you are." She has agreed to the transparency that I require from her but only time will tell if a liar is still a liar. I think I read somewhere that my wife is no less a coward and I would agree with that. No argument here. But as far as this prick with whom she did this, he is absolutely complicit as is anyone who has no trouble wrecking a home. I'm not openly hunting this piece of **** down, but if I ever cross paths with him.....Well **** needs to be cleaned up. They are both cowards and so is anybody else who enters into this kind of affair. Anyway, I feel better after blowing her boat out of the water last night. I really want to thank you all for your input. Very insightful!
Good job. At least she now knows the amount of damage that she caused. At least she knows that this has affected you deeply.
Still, it amazes me that a WW or WH can take an angry tone after what they've done. It's like they completely forget the pain that they caused because they're being selfish of their own pain...i.e. "being tossed away like garbage."
How is she acting now? I bet you she's giving you a wide berth.
I have done that Keko. This man has nothing but debt. The lawsuit will cost me more than his entire life is worth. I'm considering a small claims court action which will at least inflict some punishment on him. My attorney gave his finances a colonoscopy and all he owns is a crappy 2001 chevy impala. The fact that she did this with this piece of crap loser has had a terribly negative effect on my self-esteem.
My wife informed me about 2 weeks ago that she had an affair. Can somebody please explain to me why I am protecting her from my anger? I love her so much that I'm afraid to hurt her with the things I need to express. Also, how do I stop obsessing over what I want to do to the coward who knowingly took a married woman with children into his bed? My mind is twisted beyond all recognition. I want to hurt but I know it's not my nature. I want revenge but I know it is not my nature. Will I ever be myself again? I feel like my wife get's to keep her nice family and this coward she slept with gets to go on about his life without consequence while I lived with these tortured thoughts.
It has nothing to do with the "COWARD" and everything to do with your wife!! He was just a tool to complete the task if it wasn't him it would have been someone else. Your issue should be with your wife and wife alone!!
Crossbar, she is calling me like every 3 hours or so to apologize. Every time she calls, she gets a little more of what she deserves. Yeah, the angry tone she tried to take nearly pushed me over the edge and the selfishness in that statement pretty much says it all. I understand now that this is a self-centered egotistical woman that I am married to and this knowledge will serve me well in the months to come.
It has nothing to do with the "COWARD" and everything to do with your wife!! He was just a tool to complete the task if it wasn't him it would have been someone else. Your issue should be with your wife and wife alone!!
That's like saying the driver isn't complicit in a bank robbery. I reject this argument and nothing will change my mind about that. I am taking issue with my wife (who is a coward) and I would with this piece of crap coward if he were man enough.
Sir sorry for my harsh post.
you called your wife a coward and the other man a coward. but taking your wife after knowing she did it with a homeless loser makes you also a coward with no dignity which is worse and below level than both of them.
if you have dignity you would have threw her a way like a garbage like what the other man did so she become an example for other people who cheat on their spouse.
sorry again for harsh words but this is the truth.
I went thru the same thing, I was in shock for a few days then the anger came out and I lite her butt up with my feeling. And told her all she had to say didn't mean crap it it was my time to talk and if she couldn't handle it then she knew were the door was.
Now the next step for her is to affair proof the marriage and get the tools like IC and other consequences like loss of privacy and accountability.
If there is true remorse she will lean into it and do the heavy lifting to keep her marriage.
Its not over brother, there is along road in front of both of you, so do not rug sweep this crap and open it wide open and face this crap head on.
Again another consequence is her facing this crap and talking about it to you.....no matter how hard and shameful it is for her, she needs to own this unhealthy behaveior with out excusses.
She needs to understand why she has this kind of character/ behavior and change it for the better.
My chick has not only change her life style but has a better understanding of who she is as an individual by looking at her self and learning the tools that will prevent this kind of behavior thru IC and MC.
The point to all of this is your WW has to do the heavylifting to keep her marriage.
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Re: Anger over wife's affair 
