I have heard the term "you are either a cheater.....or you're NOT" from many different people, and so I guess I've always fit into the "not" category.
Now with that being said am I a cheater - NO; but there are many times that I have been a loud obnoxious jerk to my wife and have gossiped about her like I do on here which is wrong, so I am not without my own set of faults and are guilty of other things that don't involve a third party.
And one biiiiig factor for not cheating that I left out is whomever you cheat with, unless it's an anonymous prostitute type of thing, you may as well hand them the keys to your house and your life because they now OWN you with this dirty secret of yours in their pocket they can destroy you with.
I like and agree with most of your post.
However, venting about a spouse anonymously on a support forum is not the same as an emotional affair.
The difference is one is intimate and professing love and getting to know each other on a personal level with intent to meet, if meeting is not already taking place.
A support forum or a psychologists office is a healthy place to vent.
Finding another person to vent to and revealing detail of your life and your spouses life with intent to meet or eventually have sex is different.
However, venting about a spouse anonymously on a support forum is not the same as an emotional affair.
The difference is one is intimate and professing love and getting to know each other on a personal level with intent to meet, if meeting is not already taking place.
A support forum or a psychologists office is a healthy place to vent.
Finding another person to vent to and revealing detail of your life and your spouses life with intent to meet or eventually have sex is different.
Well I'm definitely not looking to hookup with anyone online and I am pretty much anonymous on here - and wanna stay that way, but at some point my wife and I are going to have to get some serious counseling or we'll be in divorce court by the end of this year I'm afraid.
"And one biiiiig factor for not cheating that I left out is whomever you cheat with, unless it's an anonymous prostitute type of thing, you may as well hand them the keys to your house and your life because they now OWN you with this dirty secret of yours in their pocket they can destroy you with."
I think in most cheating cases this fact gets lost during the heat of passion, or maybe people don't really care about someone having that much control over them.
Why do you people feel the need to come on the CWI forum and rub your self righteous attitudes in the faces of people who are
COPING WITH INFIDELITY!!!!
Yes we are all entitled to our opinions but us BS spouses are doing our best to piece our lives back together and we dont need your holier than thou attitudes!
Pop over to the Social Spot and have your fun.
Dont you think we all feel like crap already!!
I don't get where you're coming from... can you explain?
Why do you people feel the need to come on the CWI forum and rub your self righteous attitudes in the faces of people who are
COPING WITH INFIDELITY!!!!
Yes we are all entitled to our opinions but us BS spouses are doing our best to piece our lives back together and we dont need your holier than thou attitudes!
Pop over to the Social Spot and have your fun.
Dont you think we all feel like crap already!!
No one's attacking the loyal spouse daisy, I think you misunderstood the OP's intentions.
Well I'm definitely not looking to hookup with anyone online and I am pretty much anonymous on here - and wanna stay that way, but at some point my wife and I are going to have to get some serious counseling or we'll be in divorce court by the end of this year I'm afraid.
Well a divorce is a saner option than cheating if you have marital difficulties.
I am glad you have made a conscious choice to NOT cheat.
Lack of integrity, lack of respect and self-respect, no accountability, immature, selfish, bad wife, bad mother/role model, CHEATER, liar...
Right after DDay, I would have indignantly defended myself from about half of these accusations. BUT, they're all correct, and it was, in part, empathy that led me to that conclusion. I only hope that, one day, I'll be able to say, "Those things are who I was.". Is that even possible? (I don't know why I kept reading this thread, but as painful as it was, I couldn't tear my eyes away, hope you're not offended by me adding my $.02) Posted via Mobile Device
Lack of integrity, lack of respect and self-respect, no accountability, immature, selfish, bad wife, bad mother/role model, CHEATER, liar...
Right after DDay, I would have indignantly defended myself from about half of these accusations. BUT, they're all correct, and it was, in part, empathy that led me to that conclusion. I only hope that, one day, I'll be able to say, "Those things are who I was.". Is that even possible? (I don't know why I kept reading this thread, but as painful as it was, I couldn't tear my eyes away, hope you're not offended by me adding my $.02) Posted via Mobile Device
No, not at all.... thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Lack of integrity, lack of respect and self-respect, no accountability, immature, selfish, bad wife, bad mother/role model, CHEATER, liar...
Right after DDay, I would have indignantly defended myself from about half of these accusations. BUT, they're all correct, and it was, in part, empathy that led me to that conclusion. I only hope that, one day, I'll be able to say, "Those things are who I was.". Is that even possible? (I don't know why I kept reading this thread, but as painful as it was, I couldn't tear my eyes away, hope you're not offended by me adding my $.02) Posted via Mobile Device
Yes one day it will be possible. Do everything on your power to put things right. You made bad choices, but you can repair the damage. Posted via Mobile Device
I don't get where you're coming from... can you explain?
As I said. The self righteous attitude of the person who will NEVER cheat coming onto this forum where people are in a lot of emotional turmoil seeking help because of their spouses infidelity. Spouses who swore that THEY would NEVER cheat! It just smacks us in the face! And yes I probably am a bit sensitive about it, but I just don't get it!? I don't understand . No one is immune from infidelity! Absolutely no one! Posted via Mobile Device
People who have cheated aren't all the same. There are some who have a temporary "brain explosion" and live to regret their actions for the rest of their lives. They show true remorse. There are a few on this forum.
At the other end of the spectum, there are the sociopathic types who really don't care about anyone but themselves & their own selfish needs. They don't care about the damage they do to their BS, their children, their AP's BS and children.
The sad thing is, in all the reading I've done on this and other sites, and my own personal observations in my own real day to day world, there seems to be a greater proportion of the second group.
I was raised a Catholic, but no longer follow any religion. I consider myself a spiritual person. But in my life, in everything I do, every decision I make, I live by "do unto others as you would have done unto you". To me, it's the golden rule for life. When you look at the 10 commandments, it's really the same commandment, with specific examples. Don't kill you're neighbour, don't hump his wife, don't steal his BMW etc. Also, it's my understanding that, in all religions in the world, that the "do unto others..." law is the only theme, common to all of them.
It's not rocket science. Do people who carry on affairs, the lies, the sneaking, the risks of STD's to themselves & BS, really think that it's okay. If they could just think for a moment, "would I be happy if my BS did this to me?". I think that most of them don't. They just don't care. And I think it's sad there are so many like that.
People who have cheated aren't all the same. There are some who have a temporary "brain explosion" and live to regret their actions for the rest of their lives. They show true remorse. There are a few on this forum.
At the other end of the spectum, there are the sociopathic types who really don't care about anyone but themselves & their own selfish needs. They don't care about the damage they do to their BS, their children, their AP's BS and children.
The sad thing is, in all the reading I've done on this and other sites, and my own personal observations in my own real day to day world, there seems to be a greater proportion of the second group.
I agree. This is not a bitter observation on my part as a betrayed spouse. It is simply a realistic observation.
Most cheaters reoffend and then tend to be either narcissistic or sociopathic, by my observation and research.
The cheater appears to be living in a world of compartmentalization, disassociation and displacement of their anxieties, hostilities or their aggressions.
Quote:
I was raised a Catholic, but no longer follow any religion. I consider myself a spiritual person. But in my life, in everything I do, every decision I make, I live by "do unto others as you would have done unto you". To me, it's the golden rule for life. When you look at the 10 commandments, it's really the same commandment, with specific examples.
Don't kill you're neighbour, don't hump his wife, don't steal his BMW etc. Also, it's my understanding that, in all religions in the world, that the "do unto others..." law is the only theme, common to all of them.
In the catholic religion cheating is grounds for divorce and the church advocates apprising the affair partner's spouse as the right thing to do because the BS has a right to know his spouse is coveting another person's spouse or lying.
I am no longer a practicing catholic. I consider myself spiritual, but I still abide by the ten commandments because you are right, they seem to be basic tenets of all religions.
Quote:
It's not rocket science. Do people who carry on affairs, the lies, the sneaking, the risks of STD's to themselves & BS, really think that it's okay. If they could just think for a moment, "would I be happy if my BS did this to me?".
I think that most of them don't. They just don't care. And I think it's sad there are so many like that.
Again, I think this is on target. There are too many cheaters, in general, and too many who reoffend without conscience or care for the pain they are inflicting.
Most cheaters hate the thought of being cheated on. I see this time and again when the BS engages in a revenge affair.
I am far from being a perfect human being. I don't think any human is perfect.
Nevertheless there are things that to my mind are just out of bounds.
Lying to your spouse about a cheating which requires an extensive secret life and web of lies, and exposing the spouse to an STD, some of which are not curable, is one of the things I think is way out of bounds.
The sad thing is that society seems to sanction it and almost encourage it.
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Re: One of the MAIN reasons I don't cheat.... 
