I agree. This is not a bitter observation on my part as a betrayed spouse. It is simply a realistic observation.
Most cheaters reoffend and then tend to be either narcissistic or sociopathic, by my observation and research.
The cheater appears to be living in a world of compartmentalization, disassociation and displacement of their anxieties, hostilities or their aggressions.
I am no longer a practicing catholic. I consider myself spiritual, but I still abide by the ten commandments because you are right, they seem to be basic tenets of all religions.
Again, I think this is on target. There are too many cheaters, in general, and too many who reoffend without conscience or care for the pain they are inflicting.
Most cheaters hate the thought of being cheated on. I see this time and again when the BS engages in a revenge affair.
I am far from being a perfect human being. I don't think any human is perfect.
Nevertheless there are things that to my mind are just out of bounds.
Lying to your spouse about a cheating which requires an extensive secret life and web of lies, and exposing the spouse to an STD, some of which are not curable, is one of the things I think is way out of bounds.
The sad thing is that society seems to sanction it and almost encourage it.
Sara, seems like you and I are on the same wavelenghth. I certainly don't claim to be perfect, but there are some bare minimums to being a human in society. Honesty, surely has to be near the top of the list. I just don't get why it's so uncommon. Yes, society does seem to encourage it. Don't get me started on politicians
For those offended by this thread I am sorry, but I have been cheated on a long time ago so I too know how it feels and at least this thread is staying on topic and with the theme of this entire section..............."infidelity".
So so many types of affairs you can only lump together by definition of the word affair. Beyond that the reasons, length, degree of hurt, intensity, type, frequency, etc etc are all so different I just don't see how they are comparable as a few have said here.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Funny how some who say they wouldn't tolerate any cheating from their spouse... , go and cheat later.
This immense level of hypocrisy leaves me speechless.
I think it's more naivety than hypocrisy. I think people like to toot their own horn with egocentric superiority and forget they too are susceptible to poor judgement.
Life is short yet at the same time life is long. Feelings change, we age, our ideals get shattered, goals left unmet, hardship, our spouses change, etc etc. To say so many things as absolutes especially something as common as a affair is naive to me.
I am also sorry if any of my comments earlier have offended anyone who is here trying to heal from infidelity. I have nothing but compassion for what you are going through.
I too am trying to heal, and I made my comments coming from the position of being recently blindsided by a serial cheater/compulsive liar who says he did only want me the whole time and was never dissatisfied with our relationship. I am at the stage where most of what I am feeling is "Why did he do this to me, when I actually was unhappy during the relationship, but I didn't choose to cheat?!" I have not yet forgiven him. Maybe my comments make more sense now in the context of my particular struggles?
For the record, I do not think I am perfect or immune to cheating (or that anyone else is). The reason I think it's so unlikely that I will ever cheat is because I know I'm not perfect, therefore I have made it a point in life to remain self-aware at all times and maintain strong personal boundaries. I have made many mistakes and I have learned my own vulnerabilities through them. I have an idea of what types of situations would most likely make me susceptible to cheating, and that is why I avoid those situations. I'm one of those obsessively careful types of people who thinks 20 moves ahead before I decide on my first one. I can usually catch myself very early on from going down a path there would be no going back from if I continued. And my main motivation for my self-discipline is that I don't want to end up compromising my values and not being able to respect myself in the end. I also know it is hardest to forgive myself when my mistakes hurt people I love.
Everyone has their own individual vulnerabilities to every type of cheating. But despite their human flaws, many people will never end up cheating. Right now, I just wish my former fiance was one of them. He only thought about the consequences after he'd already done it.
I think it's more naivety than hypocrisy. I think people like to toot their own horn with egocentric superiority and forget they too are susceptible to poor judgement.
Life is short yet at the same time life is long. Feelings change, we age, our ideals get shattered, goals left unmet, hardship, our spouses change, etc etc. To say so many things as absolutes especially something as common as a affair is naive to me.
I agree affairs are common, too common and therein lies the problem.
As for anyone changing their core values enough to have an affair.
I call Bull donkey.
Core values are just that. Cheaters lack core values to begin with an that is what allows them to become vulnerable to cheating.
the only exception, IMO, is a revenge affair which is a reactive response to trauma. (i don't support revenge affairs, but I do understand them more than cheating for no reason other than one is claiming to be bored or anxious or stressed.
Some studies show a cheater gene and a monogamy gene.
I agree with that science.
I have always been monogamous. Even when dating. I could only date one person at a time.
I could only have sex with someone I saw as a potential long term mate.
Some people date many people at once and also have sex with more than one person while dating.
I think that says something about their core values.
And to those that have been cheated on who are taking shots at me - that's crazy, because I am the one ON YOUR SIDE about how wrong it is for your spouse or significant other to have cheated on you. My sister's husband has cheated on her 3 times over the past 20 years that she knows of and she's continuously taken him back, and I was in her corner the first time and was supportive when she took him back then because other than infidelity he's a really nice guy & always has been. But after the 2nd and 3rd times I backed out and told her she's on her own and that if he cheats a 4th - 5th - and 6th time, she has allowed it all to keep happening so she shouldn't be surprised & won't get any sympathy from me.
And some of you sound like you're mad at me because I'm NOT a cheater and maybe should be; but for the record I turned down one opportunity to cheat in this marriage with a co-worker(that's still there), and turned down an opportunity with one of our neighbors in my previous marriage as well.
In MC our C made the standard comment, "given the circumstance everyone is vunerable"... my fww nodding. she looks at me, I looking at both of them in disgust. "You just dont get it do you... 30 years of MC, and dont get it". If marriage is bad enough to cheat, then divorce. Wow, what a novel idea. Posted via Mobile Device
In MC our C made the standard comment, "given the circumstance everyone is vunerable"... my fww nodding. she looks at me, I looking at both of them in disgust. "You just dont get it do you... 30 years of MC, and dont get it". If marriage is bad enough to cheat, then divorce. Wow, what a novel idea. Posted via Mobile Device
But what if the marriage isn't bad enough to cheat? But it still happened?
OK, I will admit, maybe my circumstances are, if not unique, fairly rare, my wife cheated on me, but due to her circumstances, she failed to understand that her actions would hurt me. Yes, she was sorry when she saw the effect it had on me.
I became depressed and cheated as a result of that depression.
But was our relationship bad? No, in general, it wasn't. And we are still together.
I'm a BS who divorced but never cheated.The reason is because I have the same expectations of myself as I do of the person with whom I'm in a relationship.I expect to be held up to the same light and held accountable when I'm lacking.
My H had an A and we are still married. He is truly remorseful and ashamed of his actions.
For 18 years he was honest and faithful. Hated cheaters. Swore he would never do that to me. Scum of the earth bastards!
Just saying! Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: One of the MAIN reasons I don't cheat.... 
