How do you get over being lied to?
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » How do you get over being lied to?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-02-2012, 10:18 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default How do you get over being lied to?

I've explained my situation in the past but in brief, husband lied about something (I know WHY he did, mostly because of my typical reaction to stuff--flipping out, getting angry right away etc and because we now realize he was Mr. Nice Guy always wanting to please me and never make me upset).

Anyways, we are in the stages of working through this and in MC and learning SO much more about each other (mostly from here and books we're reading) but I know to move forward I HAVE to let go of the anger of being lied to...

Things seem fine for awhile and then all of a sudden I think about stuff and get so angry...at this point *I* am losing time for the things I need to do (work, being a mom etc). I'm also resentful that if he was honest years ago we wouldn't be doing this right now...

Any advice?
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Old 07-02-2012, 10:27 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

I dont really have any advice here as Im in the same boat. Being lied to is one of the hardest parts of my h's EA. The betrayal and the deception. Knowing that he is such a GOOD liar scares the sh*t out of me. And I, like you, can be going along fine-then BAM!- Im mad as hell about some lie that just jumps into my head. Either triggered or not.

Hope it gets better for you.
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Old 07-02-2012, 11:56 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

Seems to me, you need to go out of your way to let him know its "safe" to tell you anything (as it should be in a marriage).

If his fear of you flipping out and having a huge bad reaction to him telling you the truth is why he lied, then you may have a part in this situation to fix to.

What did he lie about?

Have you ever lied to him about anything?
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Old 07-02-2012, 12:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

Anger.

It is normal.Very normal. And it is easy to be in anger.
Strength is in overcoming anger.

In your case, encourage him to be speaking truth and only truth. Fear of reprimand, fear of losing the image, fear of losing the spouse.... are some of the reasons for avoiding truth.
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Old 07-02-2012, 12:16 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

It's going to be up to him to rebuild the trust. No more lies or deception--full transparency. Over time you will regain trust and be able to move past this bump in the road. My estranged husband lied (and cheated). That began in 2006. I still can't get past it because he is still lying to me. We live our separate lives, but sometimes we must interact with each other (children, bankruptcy, taxes, etc.). It's really hard not knowing what is the truth!
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Old 07-02-2012, 01:19 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

Thank you all
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Old 07-02-2012, 08:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: How do you get over being lied to?

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Originally Posted by 827Aug View Post
It's going to be up to him to rebuild the trust. No more lies or deception--full transparency. Over time you will regain trust and be able to move past this bump in the road. My estranged husband lied (and cheated). That began in 2006. I still can't get past it because he is still lying to me. We live our separate lives, but sometimes we must interact with each other (children, bankruptcy, taxes, etc.). It's really hard not knowing what is the truth!
I'm in this situation. I'm positive WS is still lying to me, it's been nine months since d-day and I can't heal cause I'm stuck on wanting to know the truth. He just doesn't get it, I can't move forward in this place he's put me in. Totally unfair.
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