Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Chris, you're like 43 and your wife is 47, right? You've been together for 24 years, right? You wouldn't have known about any this unless she had told you, right? Think about that for a minute.
Your wife has probably devalued your masculinity and attractiveness for a long, long time. It's part of the program that leads to the affair. It's been shown repeatedly that women lose interest in sex with H the longer the marriage goes on. Researchers can even correctly guess the length of the marriage if they know the sex frequency. This may not even be her first affair. In fact, tell your sons you're researching your family heritage and get some DNA swabs from them.
You've been trained and beta-ized by your wife and the fact that you believed she was in love with OM for two years with no sex is the proof. The hug you gave is the pudding. Testosterone starts declining at 25 and even more so around 40. Get yours checked. This may be the reason your WW sought out another man and had the kind of sex with him that's off the table for you.
This is situation is bad, but it's an opportunity to get rid of your adulterous wife age 47 and her corrupt family. While the divorce is going through the process, get yourself in shape. I mean ripped (testosterone supplementation will help). Once on the market, you'll find you're competing with obese doughboys, but you should be able to land a 35 year old. Maybe even one with some morals and integrity. A fair trade, I'd say.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Quote:
Originally Posted by the guy
Its illegel to blow wifes boyfriend away? Are you sure?
So I cleaned my guns for nothing?
Not necessarily. A couple years back a local guy noticed his wife wasn't in bed and the dogs were disturbed. He armed himself and went around the house and no wife. He goes outside and his pickup, with a camper top on the back, is rocking from side to side. A woman's legs are sticking up in the air and a guy is on top plowing away. He looks in, right into his wife's eyes he says, "Honey, he's raping me!" The husband blows away the OM in mid stroke. Investigation reveals wife was actually in an affair. The DA, an idiot, files murder charge against H. Grand Jury returns a no-bill. H walks. After that, the DA filed charges against the WW and she went to prison. Last I heard, the H was going to wait for his WW to get out.
The moral: even though this kind of action is now illegal, you still have to be indicted to be tried, and you have to be convicted before you can be punished.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli
Chris, you're like 43 and your wife is 47, right? You've been together for 24 years, right? You wouldn't have known about any this unless she had told you, right? Think about that for a minute.
Your wife has probably devalued your masculinity and attractiveness for a long, long time. It's part of the program that leads to the affair. It's been shown repeatedly that women lose interest in sex with H the longer the marriage goes on. Researchers can even correctly guess the length of the marriage if they know the sex frequency. This may not even be her first affair. In fact, tell your sons you're researching your family heritage and get some DNA swabs from them.
You've been trained and beta-ized by your wife and the fact that you believed she was in love with OM for two years with no sex is the proof. The hug you gave is the pudding. Testosterone starts declining at 25 and even more so around 40. Get yours checked. This may be the reason your WW sought out another man and had the kind of sex with him that's off the table for you.
This is situation is bad, but it's an opportunity to get rid of your adulterous wife age 47 and her corrupt family. While the divorce is going through the process, get yourself in shape. I mean ripped (testosterone supplementation will help). Once on the market, you'll find you're competing with obese doughboys, but you should be able to land a 35 year old. Maybe even one with some morals and integrity. A fair trade, I'd say.
DNA, man.
You are spot on about her putting me down as a man. I said to her many times that she was emasculating me. To be fair, there is now nothing off the table for me as far as sex goes but that probably goes without saying?
I can get a 35 year old as I am - I have been offered it in the recent past but, being married, turned it down. There is more to life than "ripped abs" and I don't want a woman who wants a man with them.
My testosterone levels I am sure are fine and I know the children are mine because of some unrelated testing that went on when they were both born.
This morning I cancelled the counselling sessions and I am getting a lawyer to sort this mess out.
There is quite a bit I haven't mentioned in these posts to do with how I have been treated in the past by the wife and her family, but I am grateful for everyone's input as it has helped me see what a fool I have been.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Acabado
And cut from your life all those inlaws who pretended to be friends to you.
I second that, cut off the inlaws. You may want to R with your wife down the way, but you have no obligations to the rest of her family. Too much burden for one.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Chris,
I am glad you got an attorney. That is the first step that you needed to take in this process.
And I am pleased that you value your masculinity. Your wayward has done a job on you my friend.
But Chris you know what is worse than the infidelity, is the lying that your wife and family have perpetuated for over 2 years.
You have no support or trust system with them. Even worse they are very disloyal, almost to the point that they took pleasure in making you the fool in this entire situation.
If this happened to me my wife and her family would be gone from my life forever. And I would do my best to not have them in my children's lives as well.
They are sick people.
See an attorney and know your rights.
Your wife is sick, a liar that needs deep intensive counselling. A marriage counsellor cannot help you when your wife is such a liar and aggressor in the affair.
And you need counselling from being blindsided my man. No shame in that.
You need to take care of you now, your physical health and mental health. You need to be there for your kids.
We understand you love your wife but your wife not only lied, cheated and put your health at risk for std's but her entire family has disnonored you very badly.
That is a sin most people could never forgive.
Get tough with your wife, set her boundaries. And take the time to decide what is best for you. Not your kids. But you.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
You know that your wife was having a crush for this guy for five years ago, you suspected it.Why she had the crush on another man when you are there? I think the length of the A may be for 5 long yrs. It means the marriage for the last five yrs or at least for 2 and half yrs were nothing else but lie, deceit and manipulations. Actually you didnt had the marriage for this long period.
She confessed to you and you hugged her comforted her, Why couldn't you put two and two together?
You gave her a chance on Dday, but she ended up on the bed of OM within two days. How many more chances are you ready to give her? When will you realise that enough is enough?
What in you allowed your wife to disrespect you in the most horrible way for this long? Why your inlaws, nephews, nices and may be many other friends disrespected you, your marriage and your children in this way? When ever they saw you they may have been laughing on your back along with your wife. You may have been the biggest clown, fool, or a cuckold husband for them who was unaware of the fact that your wife is banging OM and evryone except you are aware off, What you did wrong was loving and trusting your wife, but you got the worst pay back. Then Do you want to be a clown or a fool for them to laugh?
Do you realize now that you are cuckolded and have been having sloppy seconds for nearly three yrs of your marriage? coming off his dik directly to your bed and having sex with you............
Life is short live it with dignity and self respect. There is a beautiful world to live for a good man like you.
Good luck. Its your life, Dont settle it for her pus$y or dont allow her manipulate you with sex.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Dont stay in this marriage for the sake of kids, i think they are the last one to respect you now, if you stay in this marriage they will also loose the respect for you.
None of the children in the world wants a cuckold or doormat as their father, they love to have a strong man with good morals, self respect and who can be their role model, as their father.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Also, your wife is minimizing. Even if she believes herself being truthful/honest (whether it's deliberate is still at the court). Most cheaters doens't believe they are cheating unless they are f0cking, they simply dismiss the emotional side and often other physical aspects of infidelity. The onsided emotional attachment started 5 years before. The full blown EA sure started between that date and the first kiss, actual intercourse surely happend shorty after that.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Your wife is not only a cheat and liar, she's also a thief. She stole 2+ years of your life that you could have moved on and done something for yourself. Think about that.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bandit.45
Your wife is not only a cheat and liar, she's also a thief. She stole 2+ years of your life that you could have moved on and done something for yourself. Think about that.
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
I am really sorry for what happened.
I don't know how you manage to not go crazy.
I really do hope the counseling would bring any positive result, but I can't help but feel that it's the understanding and loving that leads your wife to seek another man.
Maybe I'm projecting my issues onto your story, but that's genuinely how I feel.
She might even not be aware about it but some people takes automatically the support for granted and would end up seeking a badass to give them the thrill of being put down.
I sure hope that you'll find the right happiness.
I am really interested to know how it went in counseling. You said something about the counselor prioritizing on putting you back together, did you talk to him about the fact that you still can't move past the affair ?
Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long)
Hi Spunoh,
We got rid of the counsellor; she was rug sweeping for my WW and basically not interested in helping me get over what my WW did - although it took me another 4 weeks to figure that out. The counselling became a very big problem for me in the end, but I have found another now who seems to understand the problem better.
I will post an update to the whole thing later as so much has happened since (I am still with the WW).
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Re: 6 weeks after finding out really struggling(long) 
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