iheartlife

They have 2 kids, he isn't going to abandon them. Let's be realistic about that.
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Humble Pie

Is being paid for... by who? Since it is in her aunts name, you might be able to stay in the home and request that she leave (given you talk to your aunt about her recent behaviors) Or, just move out with your kids and let her face reality. That is tough love.

Kapla|

i pay for the home and for her car. i have no family in this country for me to go and spend some time with. my sisters live in germany.
i have already told her grandma and one of her freinds and she says that they just dont love her and that she hates them for telling her to stop. her mother supports the behavior and her dad hasnt said anything


thank you all for all your advice.

we have been together for 8 years and married for six

Humble Pie

I am sorry you have been put in this terrible, selfish situation away from your home country.

You are clearly being taken advantage of here. Best thing since some of her family are not against her behavior (shocking!) is to calmly expose this situation to all members, saying you guys relationship has come to this.. (situation) and that you feel her time is too much invested in this facebook relationship and inform them you are leaving and taking the children with you (rent an apartment somewhere).

I think she has been taking advantage of you for too long for her to say such things, you must start to stand up for yourself, stop this type of behavior she is showing you!

Homemaker_Numero_Uno

There is a book about abusive relationships. It details how to confront abuse. Maybe that would help. I forget what the book is but maybe others would know.

So, supposing that she doesn't allow herself to be won back by you. What is she going to do? Maybe you could ask her. What is the plan of action if you fail? So that you know what to expect?

Then she will see that instead of getting upset, which is probably what she is ultimately trying to do, unseat you emotionally, you are taking her at face value. You can explain to her that while you certainly love her and will attempt to demonstrate that a bit more, that ultimately she is in control of her own feelings, and that you want to be prepared for either outcome. You might also ask if she feels that in future she might have a repeat of her falling out of love with you, and suggest that you will take the time to prepare contingency plans for the case where you will fail to woo her back. Ask he how she imagines the child custody and support, etc. will work out. Take notes and pay attention.

She needs to learn that even if she ends up with this other guy, she is going to have responsibilities to you, even though she is no longer in love with you, so long as you have children together.

Maybe she will find it's easier to love her husband rather than deal with all the unpleasant paperwork and contingency planning involved with having an affair, whether it's physical or emotional. Having an affair is hard work. Now she has to answer to two men, one the father of her children, and the other, her lover or intended lover. How boring and tedious is that!

67flh

myself, i would tell her to take her week and shove it where the sun don't shine,that you will not operate under threats and she's either in or out.

Caribbean Man

I doubt very much that you can get her to " fall back in love with you."
she has shown absolutely no respect for you , by giving you that CRAZY response to your concern.

If it were me ,I would simply tell her that I don't need one week ,and show her the door.
But I see your situation is tricky because of home ownership etc. Maybe,the best thing might be to take your kids and leave. STOP paying for the house and her car.
Start afresh.

__________________
“....And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Complexity

That's just ridiculous. Do you have serious marriage problems or something?

iheartlife

Can you get the aunt on your side so you don't have to worry about the house for now?

You two didn't meet over the Internet, did you?

Here is what I would do:
--get the books I mentioned, read them quickly to get up to speed, esp NJF and NMMNG
--meet with a lawyer to get an idea of your rights regarding the property and custody of the kids; if they have passports, secure them safely now;
--sit her down calmly and say, we are married, I love you, I vowed to be faithful
--you have betrayed our marriage by becoming emotionally close to someone else
--if you feel there are things we can improve in our marriage, such as communication, I will gladly go to counseling, BUT
--I am not the one who must compete for my wife
--you (wife) must choose NOW between him and me
--you (wife) must write a letter of No Contact to this man (forms are on this forum); we cannot improve our marriage with 3 people in it

All of this is said calmly, no emotion. No begging or pleading or weakness. If you are concerned she is turning away from you due to lack of emotional warmth, show her emotional warmth, but no crying.

If there are things you've done wrong, say you will work on changing them, but not if this man is in the picture. Say, it's not possible to devote the energy to two relationships, as long as you are with this other man you aren't sincere about staying married.

If she says no, cut off her cell phone service and the Internet, calmly tell her you cannot fund her destroying your children's lives with a stranger.

Then find out all you can about OM; tell his wife, GF, family; and find out if he has a criminal background, you do not want a strange man who finds married mothers attractive around your children
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Sara8

Exactly. If someone won't cut contact, show them the door.

EAs are as difficult to get over as PAs.

And an EA/PA is one of the most difficult types of affairs to move past.

Nip this in the bud before it turns into a PA as it most certainly eventually will.

Sara8

Amen.

keko

Help her pack her stuff.

Monroe

If you can, find out if the guy on Facebook is married. If he is, expose the affair to his wife.

costa200

So you caught her cheating and she gives YOU an ultimatum? That's an incomprehensible situation for me. But MORE incomprehensible is the fact that you didn't answer something along the lines of:

"i have no interest in the love of a w... that doesn't respect me. Expect to have divorce papers served. Oh, and do try to look less ugly when my dates arrive. It reflects poorly on me to have been shagging such a porker".

Acabado

Keylog the PC and save the evidence. Find out wheter OM is married or has GF/SO and expose him.
Talk to a lawyer, learn what your rights are. Follow the advice to a T as if you were to file inmediately.
Your wife is in lalaland, the entitlement your wife is showing has put you in a defensive, panic mode. Don't let your wife in any way, shape or form you feel treatened by this. Stay cool and firm. Shake it inmediately. This situation needs huge doses of tough love.
Expose her to all relevant people. If she didn't send a NC letter and totaly cease contact with this OM tell her she has to go, then pack her stuff and tell her go to OM, she's more than free. You are not keeping a woman who don't love you, you are not doing anything if she didn't stop cheating. It's self respect.
Shake her world to the core.

Don't let fear rule your life.
Implement the 180:
The 180 degree rules

Hang tough, man.