Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Short synopsis: Together with ex for 7 years, he cheated while I was pregnant with bub #2, left in January when dd was 4 weeks old for his student. I don't know how to attach a link but if you want to read my sob story it's entitled 'my husband left me for an 18 year old' My husband left me for an 18 year old
Anyways, I didn't find find out about the cheating until about a month after he left, and he still denies it. No matter. I found more than enough proof. Ever since he left he has been ignoring my phone calls and texts (about the kids) and just simply cut me out. It's like I didn't exist. I always got the impression that he did that for OW benefit.... to show her he didn't give a rat's ass about me. Looking back, he was 'faithful' to her for the last 3 months of our relationship. For example he didn't want me to sleep in the same bed as him. His excuse was that I toss and turn too much when I'm pregnant and it disrupts his sleep..... ok. Back to the point: he cut me out. He has been angry and rude to me for at least 8 months, so even before he left. Same old story as everybody else's cheating spouse it seems. Here's why I'm writing:
For the past 3 weeks or so I started to notice a slight shift in my my stbxh's attitude. When he is with the kids and we are around each other at my house (he looks after them at the house, as he does not have any gear), he has been trying to engage me in a conversation. He has been pleasant, which is simply weird. When I text about the kids (and I do, since I want to do everything right for court... I keep notes when he does not), he now began texting me back. Last night I actually had a semi-closure talk with him for the first time since he left. When he did leave, I found out his intention from a voicemail of him talking to somebody else... we never actually had an honest break-up talk. He still tried to deny the cheating, but I told him I knew and that I am a smart girl. He just answered 'I know you are'. Then I told him that his new relationship will also have struggles and require work, cause that's how relationships go, even if he thinks now it's perfect. His answer was 'if that's how committed relationships are, then I don't want to be in a committed relationship'.... Interesting. I asked him if he could babysit friday night (his rehearsal night) so I could go out for a work-do, since I haven't been out in like 10 months. He said he'll talk to the band and see if he can move it. That was new. His rehearsals are sacred.... All that just seems odd to me. The new ex. is an ass hole, so this friendly ex just doesn't seem right. Here's the kicker, I get a phone call tonight on the house phone and he has not called the house since he left 6 months ago. It was him. He called to tell me that the he moved his rehearsal and I can go out and that he can put the kids to bed if I want to go out earlier. He even said that he checked with his friends, and the pub I am going to tends to get a line outside by 9, so he'll take care of the kids so I can leave earlier and not be stuck in line...!!!???? whaaaa? Who is this person. But most importantly WHY is he nice all of a sudden. This is what my red flag is about. What does he want? Custody is agreed, finances are agreed. He doesn't have to pay me child support (long story, the laws here blow) based on his income, but he still gives me money. So what is up? Is she pregnant? Is this preparation for some other blow? What do you guys think?
One last thing, the school where he teaches and where the ex-student just graduated from is apparently swirling with gossip about them. Students talk, she probably bragged. Does he want me to bail him out? What do you think this is. I'm actually stunned. I guess I just got used to the new As*shole ex.
And no, I don't think he wants me back, he mentioned that our relationship wasn't working out, so that's not it. And no, I wouldn't take him back either. If I did, I'd be the biggest idiot to walk this earth. Any thoughts?
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
I just get a red flag.... Whatever it is, is definitely egocentric. I just keep wondering what.... it's too eerie to see the change in his behavior....
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
I agree with keko although I'm not sure he consciously has thought out getting back together with you. I think he is beginning to realize what he has lost and remembering all the good times and memories you both shared. Could it lead to a reconciliation? Possibly but I would be very wary of opening your heart to him until he has ended all contact with anyone else and done a lot of work on himself. For now I would just continue to work on yourself and get your life to the best place you can without him. Don't worry about what he is thinking. He's probably so confused his attitude will change like the weather.
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Quote:
He even said that he checked with his friends, and the pub I am going to tends to get a line outside by 9, so he'll take care of the kids so I can leave earlier and not be stuck in line...!!!???? whaaaa?
Allowing myself to go into sherlock mode.
He checked about the pub you were going to with friends? Like in asking his stag friends if that is the kind of place singles go to hook up? That kind of checking?
I'm a teacher. I live surrounded by late teens all day long. I know who they are and their physical side. Young and fit.
But their appeal stops right there. There isn't enough of them in terms of personality to please a grown men. Maybe your STBXH is beginning to realize this just now.
Or it can be that he still wants to part in good terms somehow and feels guilty about all that went down. You're his kids mother. I guess you're going to have to keep waiting for developments.
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Maybe he's starting to get dome odd looks and is starting to see how much a ******* he is. Some nice gestures may work for him to shake those feelings.
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Thanks for replying everybody
costa200, I think the guilt bit might be it. I also posted on the going through divorce and separation thread and somebody said the same thing. It's so stupid, but I don't know where to post... I am going through a separation and divorce, but it's because he cheated and he's still with her... He's coming to take care of the kids tomorrow so we'll see if anything else weird is going down. I called him today to tell him both of our kids are sick with different diseases and on antibiotics, as am I, but he didn't pick up the phone so I left a message (joined custody thought me might want to know). Only time will tell.
I feel quite comfortable with my anger these days, so if he changed the rules on me, I'd be lost again... know what I mean?
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Honeystly, being as it may, its important for you establish a good parenting relation with him. He may suck as a husband but if he does good by your kids you need to be on the same page as him for a lot of issues. Can't begin to tell you how vital that is for the little ones.
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Yes, I absolutely agree with you. If it wasn't the case he wouldn't be allowed to come over my place to hang with the kids while I'm at work, and honestly, I would have packed my **** up and gone back to the US already. It has been very hard lately and any time the thought of moving crosses my mind I just think, no, my kids need their dad. So I have no vindictive motives, I try to do my best working with him (even if it means I have to text about the kids and he doesn't answer). I refuse to be a doormat though. I'd like to kill him a lot of times, but I don't, because it's not good for the kids to have their parents fight. So we never do. Except for my venting texts. I don't care if it solves nothing, it makes me feel better. It's my 'journaling', hahhaha. He did this s*hit to me, he can read about it. I obviously don't expect an answer for those texts, those are purely monologues in nature. But it does get to me when he doesn't text back about the kids.
Re: Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing
Ok so here goes a bizarre update:
Yesterday was the day I went out. Stbxh hung out with the kids during the day as usual and then he stayed at the house when they went to sleep so I could go out. I was out at a work function with my girlfriend for about 3 hours (first time in 3 years!). It was ok, had a couple of beers and watched my coworkers make asses out of themselves. I caught 3 teachers doing coke in the toilet.... cut another one from telling me her rape story, etc. Just made me remember why I don't tend to go out as much, and how much I loved being married with kids.... Anywhoo, so I got home around 11:30, as everybody was too pissed and went to party elsewhere. So I get home and almost all the lights are on. I found that a bit strange. When I opened the door my whole house was shiny clean! I mean dishes washed, containers stacked, kitchen spotless, all toys put away, 10 weeks worth of laundry folded, socks paired, dvds in their cases, remotes lined up, books shelved. I mean , spotless!!!! He showed me what he did and apologised for not finding all the socks. WTF????? wtf, wtf?I just kinda stood there. Then I gave him a quick overview of my weird night and he went home. Before he left he asked if he could see the kids more in the next two weeks, as we both have school holidays now so we don't work (teachers). Our parenting agreement gives him a week when the kids sleep over, so I said ok, we'll chat later, when he wants them. WtF? this makes NO sense. None. Guilt? Pity? The house was a mess as I worked the whole term and me and the kids have been pretty sick for the past few days. Maybe he finally sees that OW is not all she's cracked up to be at 18? I really don't think it's about R. No. That's not it. Maybe he's afraid of loneliness if it doesn't work out and wants me to be his friend? WTF? Any thoughts buds?
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Update: Almost 6 months since left....something is changing 
