My story has devastated me. I have been married just about 20 years. My anniversary is October 17 which would have been our 20th. We married young, bought several houses, and had 4 beautiful children in the process.
On May 10th my life was destroyed. I discovered some emails, to another man and woman, in my wife’s trash bin. They consisted of rough sex things and her mentions of getting back together with them. I was devastated, confused, scared, and nervous. I showed several people copies of the emails because I was in disbelief. I didn’t know what it meant. They suggested that I confront her. I went through my day at work but barely made it through.
I confronted her about the emails. My wife told me that the emails to the man were to someone that she had met on Craiglist. She told me that they had just been texting back and forth and talking on the phone. She told me that some of it was sexting but nothing else. She gave no real details on the other email to the other person but claimed “to not know why she sent them”. I went to the friend that she had sent that email to and he gave no explanation.
My wife gets herself into counseling and we start marriage counseling several weeks after. Her individual counselor and our marriage counselor are married and practice together. As part of the sessions she blames me for not being emotionally there for her and turns the sessions into blaming and saying that I’m crazy. The marriage counselor asks her whether the relationships were physical at all and she says absolutely not. The marriage counselor asks in another way about the same thing. She says no. His body language was clearly changed and I got feeling that he knew something that I did not. The session continued uneventfully and he tells us that he is leaving on a vacation and won’t be back for 3 weeks. My wife had agreed in writing that any issues that are part her counseling session could be shared with our marriage counselor. I believe that the marriage counselor knew she was lying. I feel vicious about that because my health status has been compromised because of STD’s and HIV.
Two days ago I check her face book page to find a message from my colleugue in her in box. I read it and find that they had been sexting back and forth for months. She actually had set a date for hooking up after May 8th and so I immediately call his wife at 12:30a and meet with her. Told her of the situation. She confronts her husband and he denies everything.
Prior to leaving to talk that spouse I find out that my wife had sex with a good friend several months before and why wife was contacting him for more. I could not believe it. Still can’t. I confronted him and find out that it was all true.
I wake my sleeping wife up after this discovery. She then reveals to me that she had been contacting this guy on Craiglist and sleeping with him. I couldn’t believe it and I am in shock. This is only the stuff that I know about.
Last night she begged me to not leave her but I told her that we were divorcing. My children have begged me to not do it and there hasn’t been a tear that has not been shed for any of us innocents. I cannot express with words what I feel. I just hope some people have some advice on this. What would you do now? What should do I do?
They lack the emotional development to understand the implications of this for a marriage. They just want dad and mum together. Fully understandable. But what they don't see is that being in a broken family where the parents are forced together due to them is horrible.
I work with kids like that everyday. They are less stable and are worse off than kids from divorced parents that know how to conduct themselves.
Kids may never be the sole reason to keep together. For their own sake.
Oh, and get tested for STDs ASAP.
Quote:
Her individual counselor and our marriage counselor are married and practice together.
Counselors must have a healthy marriage, they keep no secrets from one another. I'm sure you've picked up on that too.
You should divorce her...If you didnt discover her affairs she would probably F...k all your "friends" in a few months/years from now...I hope you expose all of them including you WW...
My advice is file for divorce and run as fast as you can....Your life cant be worse then it is now,it can only be better without her...
Sorry these past situation have led you to this form.
Please take time to clarify what you have posted, as others mentioned, it is a bit confusing.
How many affairs PA & EA is your wife juggling now or in the recent past? She has been sleeping with your friends? how many?
How old are your 4 children, do they know the jist of the reason why you are requesting a divorce.
Your wife seems already to be totally blameshifting her mulitple affiars on you, which is a serious cause for concern. I would immediately seperate finances, inform all family members of her actions, and see a lawyer immediately.
I am so sorry you are married to such a damaged person. The fact that she shows nearly zero remorse is very chilling. Also extremely disturbing is the fact that she is a serial cheater, and doesn't discriminate between strangers, your good friend (double betrayal for you on that score), and your work colleague.
I have zero credentials to say this, but it would not surprise me if your wife was diagnosed as either a narcissist (NPD) or with a borderline personality (BPD). Look these up and see if the symptoms fit her.
Do you know if she was ever the victim of sexual abuse?
Sorry that the post is disjointed but thats where I am in my life at this point. Total shock.
There have been 5 men in 2 months. All PA affairs. 1 is my friend from work, 1 man is the husband of my WW wife's "best" friend (their family has 3 children and are neighbors), and the others were from Craiglist. We live in very small town and basically the whole town has or will know because of the people that are involved.
I did inform the neighbors wife (our neighbors with children) but she is at this point a mental wreck. Worse than me.
The affairs were all physical. I have no idea how long it was going on. When I first found out I was told by her that it was just a "sexting" thing with one man. That I could work through. NOT THIS. But 2 days ago I found Facebook chats between herself and our neighbor that they were getting together while I was at work.
Yes she was a victim of sexual abuse for 6 years at the hands of her uncle. At church believe it or not. It was never dealt with legally though at the end of it everyone knew what had been happening.
The guy I work with is my partner. We work in public safety. I don't want to get too specific for obvious reasons. I'll see him every shift for the rest of my life and until retirement.
Kick her out of the house and file for D. Dont trust a word she says and dont allow her to manipulate you by her lies or sex. She is a serial cheater, if you R she will cheat you again again and again.
The guy I work with is my partner. We work in public safety. I don't want to get too specific for obvious reasons. I'll see him every shift for the rest of my life and until retirement.
The OM denying and lying to his wife as well as an OW lying to husband when outed seems to be an all too common theme.
In my case the OW also lied and denied to her spouse.
I called him and he said he would talk to her and then called back and said she said it was just an inappropriate flirtation and the I was a crazy jealous spouse who keeps her husband on a very short leash.
That is so far from true, my STBEH went on men's trips and boy's nights out and late night business meetings frequently.
The OW's spouse hung up on me when I told him I had been sent letters, emails and photographs to prove things, as well as found texts and voicemail.
Yes she was a victim of sexual abuse for 6 years at the hands of her uncle. At church believe it or not. It was never dealt with legally though at the end of it everyone knew what had been happening.
She is in desperate need of counseling. She probably has zero self-esteem. There are various mental disorders that can be the result of this abuse. I would get her into a counselor and discuss the likelihood of recovery. That is the core issue you're looking at--a very broken person. Craigslist is the bottom of the barrel. Fixable? Maybe. Or maybe not.
Brace yourself, because you may have only found the tip of the iceberg in terms of how many men, and what went on with them, and how long this has been going on.
Yes she was a victim of sexual abuse for 6 years at the hands of her uncle. At church believe it or not. It was never dealt with legally though at the end of it everyone knew what had been happening.
The guy I work with is my partner. We work in public safety. I don't want to get too specific for obvious reasons. I'll see him every shift for the
I am truly sorry you are here. No one understands the devastation of an unfaithful spouse unless they are a victim.
The OW seeing my spouse also prior had another longterm affair with a family friend. They were using his family vacation house for their frequent trysts. She called it their place.
Her emails mentioned how her spouse and his spouse all got together with their kids.
She seemed to take secret pleasure in knowing that they were having an affair while the respective spouses were oblivious.
Kinda' sick, IMO.
I don't know how my STBEH didn't run from her after that.
But likely that is why he no longer wants a relationship with her.
I also got hints that this OW was sexually abused by her father. Hence her attraction to a man her father's age.
IMO, Iheartlife is right, she needs heavy duty counseling
48Likes
A Devastated Family 
