notyouraverage

DH has been to about 5 sessions with a counselor to understand his reasons why he chose to sleep with another woman.

His counselor made a suggestion for a counselor for me, with the intent of marriage counseling after we both stabilize.

The other counselor has moved out of town to an area very inconvenient for me to get to given my job is 23 miles away (13 miles in the other direction) so DH's counselor has offered to counsel me as well, then both of us.

Why is this a bad idea (other than possibility of divorce, which is not being discussed right now) or how can this be a good idea?

notyouraverage

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lovemylife26

No Never you should see someone else, you should not even have the same MC that should be diffferant from the ICs you both have too.

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uraha

DW and I are in MC with the same therapist with whom we each did IC (but not at the same time). The big advantage for us has been that our therapist knows us and our respective situations, which has eliminated the need for her to spend time getting to know us.

I'll tell our backstory soon.

Barnowl

I agree with uraha. The counselor already knows our backstory, and so therefore doesn't have to catch up on what is happening. Plus we both really like and respect his opinion. We have done MC, and individual IC with him at times. I am fousing on MC, but sometimes my BW has not wanted to go with me, so I go alone to try to better figure myself out.

Monroe

My experience with having the same counselor is much different.

My husband and I went to MC three days after D-Day. The MC suggested we see him separately in IC. What a mess. He totally pitted us against each other.

Example:

In IC our therapist told me to make myself as present as I could during the day (my husband and I both work from home). He told me to visit my husband in his office, hang out with him when he goes outside for a smoke, etc.

In IC our therapist told my husband to get an office out of the home.



That's just one example of the very odd things our MC/IC said to us.

We see different therapists now and it works much better for us...

iheartlife

I would not see the same counselor. Each person should have their own IC and then a 3rd counselor does the MC.

My IC always said that her office was my safe place to say whatever I want. The MC, on the other hand, should be pro-marriage and trained to deal with infidelity, ie a specialist willing to closely examine the affair.
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