My H, who is divorcing me is having conversations on the phone and via texts and trading photos with other women. We are not divorced yet. It hurts me that he respects me so little that he would do this. Is he being unfaithful or am I making too much of this, seeing how we are headed for divorce anyway?
Until the divorce is final, you two are still married. He is treating you like used trash, and that is very sad. He is choosing to flaunt these conversations in your face, which makes me think he is a pathetic and weak man. I'm sorry you are going through this. Who's name is on the title to the house? If its you, ask him to leave.
He owns the house with his ex wife. The pathetic thing (just one of many) is that we only got married last November. He told me that he was divorcing me in January/February of this year. The divorce is bad enough after such a short marriage and what he's put me through, now to have to deal with this is absolute torture.
Why hasn't he filed for divorce yet? Since he has not filed it sounds like he is using the threat of a divorce as an excuse to do what he wants but to stay married.
Perhaps you should let him know how serously you take marriage.. that you will not be married and put up with his mistreatment... see an attorney and YOU file for divorce.
As your attorney to seek interium spousal support for you if your income is a lot lower than his. The interim support will have to be paid to you until the divorce is final.
Also ask for the funds to get your own place.
Stand up for yourself. Do not put up with this mistreatment.
He's filed the papers, but has not officially served me with them. He handed them to me but our state requires that a Notice of Service be filed with the court.
I do not have an attorney. I cannot afford one. Next week I'm going downtown to see the family court advocate for help. As for living in the house, I have no place to go, not even to the shelters, because they have no space available, believe me I've tried to call. I don't have anywhere I can go locally, since I have no friends or family here. I'm trying to get as much money together as I can so that I can move out. My only option now is to live on the streets or rent a motel room for a few nights and then be on the streets. I'm in a motel room right now. :/
I had a feeling that this is the position you are in.
How old are you and your husband?
Do you not have a job? Can you get one quickly if you don’t have one?
Is your husband giving you any money right now to help you out?
Going to legal aid is a good idea if they are able to help you.
Does your husband have an income? Can he afford an attorney? Does he have any savings?
You can get free consultation for half hour to an hour from many attorneys. Find out your rights.
You can ask the court to order your husband pay for your attorney.
You can ask for some money to cover the down payment and move in for an apartment.
You can ask for interim spousal support until the divorce is final. This would be 30%-50% of your husband’s income. Plus you can ask for some money to get a place. IT’s not fair that you are thrown out without even enough to rent a small apartment for yourself.
A divorce can take months, even years. I don’t know what state you are living in.. but in California it’s taking at least 18 months to get a divorce right now because they have closed down so many court rooms. So if you are in Cali you’d get spousal support for 18 months.
Do not let him rush you into a divorce. I do not know the circumstances. But if you had a job and a place to live before you married… you gave those up and now this? You made choices based on his promises so at least get some help to get back on your feet.
(I am assuming that you were not living on the street when you met and married him.)
I'm 41 and my husband is 54. I do not presently have a job. When I met and married my husband, I lived in another town and was looking for a job. When I moved here and we got married, he advised me against getting a job, since he traveled a lot for work, and me having a full time job would mean that I would be unable to travel with him. I decided that to still have an income I would try to start a freelance web design business (which I have tried to do).
My husband is very gainfully employed, he works for a large, well-known university located back east and is affiliated through his employment with an even larger well-known Government agency. I have been trying to not let him rush me into a divorce so that I can save up some money. We've not been married very long. He has no savings.
We married last November. About a month after we got married he fell into a deep depression, and after the beginning of the year, he decided he wanted a divorce. He suffers from bipolar disorder, which I did not know and BPD which I did not know about. I also came to realize that he is sexually predisposed to wanting to have sex with very young girls, (one of the reasons that he was attracted to me was because I look younger than 20). I also found out that he had sexual contact with his ex-wife's daughter which is really why the marriage broke up. I gave up everything to move down to a strange town because I believed that he meant to be a husband to me.
What the heck could have gone on in just 3 months to kill a marriage?
The answer to that question is in her other thread. Basically her husband is bi-polar. He married her on a high and then crashed after they married. She has a long thread on it.
I'm 41 and my husband is 54. I do not presently have a job. When I met and married my husband, I lived in another town and was looking for a job. When I moved here and we got married, he advised me against getting a job, since he traveled a lot for work, and me having a full time job would mean that I would be unable to travel with him. I decided that to still have an income I would try to start a freelance web design business (which I have tried to do).
My husband is very gainfully employed, he works for a large, well-known university located back east and is affiliated through his employment with an even larger well-known Government agency. I have been trying to not let him rush me into a divorce so that I can save up some money. We've not been married very long. He has no savings.
We married last November. About a month after we got married he fell into a deep depression, and after the beginning of the year, he decided he wanted a divorce. He suffers from bipolar disorder, which I did not know and BPD which I did not know about. I also came to realize that he is sexually predisposed to wanting to have sex with very young girls, (one of the reasons that he was attracted to me was because I look younger than 20). I also found out that he had sexual contact with his ex-wife's daughter which is really why the marriage broke up. I gave up everything to move down to a strange town because I believed that he meant to be a husband to me.
Well, I gave you the best advice I can on how to protect yourself financially for several months while you get on your feet. If he does have a good income then the court can order him to pay your legal fees if you need an attorney.
The money is there, you just need to do what is needed to some suppport until you are back on your feet.
My H, who is divorcing me is having conversations on the phone and via texts and trading photos with other women. We are not divorced yet. It hurts me that he respects me so little that he would do this. Is he being unfaithful or am I making too much of this, seeing how we are headed for divorce anyway?
QJ: You mention that your husband might have BPD. My STBX-wife, who I strongly believe is a (high-functioning) BPDer, exhibited exactly the same conduct towards me beginning about 10 months into our marriage. She began to have constant furtive conversations and texts on the phone with "someone". In a few weeks she got even more bold/reckless, and started actually taking his calls and answering his texts in my presence, even during lunch or dinner -- including a special meal at one of her favourite places that I had arranged to talk about "us".
I found this behaviour to be shockingly inconsiderate and provocative. It was part of a wider pattern of inexplicable, weird conduct that caused me great consternation and pain.
But you can bet he is being unfaithful. But if he has BPD, that's only the appetizer: there's lots more to come in other aspects of your marriage.
If your husband has BPD, you are in a way fortunate that he is divorcing you, because you would otherwise probably be trapped in an awful situation that you would soon want to get out of yourself.
I am very sorry you are in this situation, but I echo the views expressed by others that you should look after yourself, get the heck out of this toxic relationship, and try as best you can to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back into a positive zone of life.
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Is he being unfaithful? 
