First off, after the incident when I caught them having sex in our home, they never had sex in our home again. EVER. She does spend the night at his house a few days out of the week, but when he comes over here they pretty much just hang out in the living room and watch tv. They don't kiss or hug or anything like that while at our house. Out of respect for me she set those boundaries first and foremost. This woman is not a monster. She is going through a painful period of her life. And once the fog clears. We will prevail. Posted via Mobile Device
People are telling you to divorce because the only proven way to get your wife out of the fog she is in is to show her that you will be fine without her. If she is not too far gone already it might work. But from your comments I think she was gone a long time ago and you just cannot admit it.
We all know you are hurting, we all know you want your wife and family back the way it was. Sorry but that is not going to happen. Your wife has no respect for you and it sounds like she has a lot of contempt for you. She just feels sorry for you. You need to face the fact that even if you do get OM in trouble, she will be there for him - not run back to you.
Some women are just not worth the effort.
And as far as her not stealing money and not a monster. Is this the same woman who would never cheat on you and called you a wimp? So she agreed not to fvck him in your home out of respect for you but they still hang out together, cuddle and watch movies there. This is not respect. It is pity.
Separate your finances, YOU CANNOT TRUST HER. Protect yourself. Sign the D papers and get out of that house. Expose the affair to all. Her parents. His employer.
BTW. His threats of what he could do to you are just that - threats - macho bullshyte. To impress her and scare you.
People who actually have the skill set you give him credit for and are actively involved in using them with overt or covert agencies of the USA -do not - REPEAT - DO NOT, walk around threatening people and telling them what they could do to them. My guess is that this guy is a bully and a coward at heart. Let her have him.
Ok I need help getting my marriage back and the only responses that I get is to leave. What happened to for better or worse? I want my wife back. Period. My kids are fine and always will be. Posted via Mobile Device
Sorry, but my opinion is that the longer you let this "arrangement" go on. the more legitimate it becomes in everyone's eyes, including your wife and the authorities. Listen to Mori's advice. This guy has much to lose. Get him away, and some sense of reality might be possible for your wife.
It has taken guts and courage for you to stand up as you have. I'm a big guy, and I used to love fighting when I was younger. I always respect a man like you who can keep a sound mind when things go crazy, and try to preserve your kids like you've done. But as others said, I think that the hurt and betrayal will soon hit you like a ton of bricks, but in stages. One day, when perspective sets in, you may wish that you never even wanted reconciliation. Your goal now, however, is to stay focused on what you know now. This guy can have his clearances revoked so easily that his head would spin. As coincidence would have it, one of my employees, a Lt. Colonel in the reserves, told me a story of a contractor who crossed the line with a local while my friend was deployed in Iraq. All it took was a complaint of sexual harassment, and this contractor was sent packing by my friend. Forever. Start the communication, but keep it from your wife.
What will you tell us next? That you cook breakfast for them?
Maybe do the OM's laundry for him too?
The fact that you let that scumbag back into your house just
screams to your wife "I'm a giant p*ssy and have no self-respect."
Your "niceness" is precisely why she's banging the OM.... they're
flaunting it in your face and you're just going to sit there and take it?
This is the same as the parking space issue... x1 million.
Unless you stand up for what you KNOW is right,
you'll continue to get walked on and remain unhappy,
while your W views you as a weakling who won't take a stand for his W.
That is a fact.
No amount of posts or advice in this thread will change that.
Absolutely! Never be scared of someone who has a security clearance. They have something to lose. Posted via Mobile Device
I agree. Plus someone who has covert clearance is not going to be teaching kick boxing at the gym and is not going to risk loosing his career over a roll in the hay with a horny housewife with kids.
If he did have this kind of clearance you would never know about it and he certainly would not be telling people.
On the other hand, my son is a Captain in the AF. He has Security Clearance. But he is not going out on blackops. It is just a requirement of his rank in the military.
So does he have security clearance - maybe - but it is not the type you are thinking. Is he trying to impress people by bragging and lying - definitely.
OMG! Looks like wife needs an Alpha male right now and your anything but right now. God if you want to save your marriage you need to fight back, not feel proud of yourself because you refused a hamburger. Don't plan on getting a VAR, get one, expose this affair to her family, and your community - if this comes out he will lose a number of female clients, report him to the agency or company that gave him his clearance. Get a divorce attorney, check and see if you can name OM, file fir custody.
Man up and fight fir your family, show some pride, show your Alpha to your wife.......you have to risk losing her to have any chance of getting her back. Look, you can survive a beating from him, can he survive jail.
At least act like a man, you passive, false pride, and pus$yness is iritating me, can only imangine the effect on your wife. Posted via Mobile Device
Jason, I feel for you, but your waiting for something to happen that is as unlikely as winning a lottery.
The advice was to defend your family and marriage by contacting the authorities. This will kept him away from you and her. You refuse to do so. You stated it was out of fear of what the OM could do.
The advice that your wife is not coming back is based on the fact that: She has no respect for you and lets the OM dominate you. This is evidenced by the fact she is banging the OM and flaunting him in your house. You allow that.
These facts are as clear as day. The idea that if you wait this out she will love you again is too far fetched for anyone to envision. The only way you have a chance at this is to stand up for yourself. You refuse to do that. Hence the that thought you have no chance and should save what little self respect you have and divorce. I'm sorry for your situation, but most would have stepped forward at the first assault and got help from the law. That's how society works, not with threats of violence.
What ever happens, I wish you and your family well.
FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement. Posted via Mobile Device
You should have settled his hash on dday under castle doctrine. But I realize that most modern boys aren't prepared for that, so what you left undone is biting you in the ass as there is no legal way to do what must be done unless the POS approaches you.
What state are you in? Castle doctrine? Carry permit?
As a generally rule, Mr. John Moses Browning trumps Mr. Jiu Jitsu in every day of the week. What do you have for a carry piece?
Kick your wife to the curb and file. Maybe she'll come crawling back. Then you can decide how you feel about that. If this is a real life situation, you need to go Roman in every way. You know how the Romans operated right? All within the law of course.
FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him.
Because he was having sex with your wife in your bed. No cop or judge would think you "initiated" this fight. Really.
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All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
We are giving you all of that. Except the pat on the back is with a 2x4 because you need to wake up man.
FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement. Posted via Mobile Device
Nah, mate. What you need is a 2x4 to the head, and a wake-up call. Yes, it's a very big shock. Yes, you're hurting. But you are in a fog yourself - confused and deluded. You can't have words of encouragement, because your situation is utterly bleak. What you need is courage and fortitude. You need to stand up for yourself and take a stand against the things you don't tolerate and want in your life.
Now, onto your wife.
You think we haven't encountered women and men like your wife? People who were sexually or physically abused by family, or by friends? People who were emotionally abused, or abandoned, or tortured, by the people who were supposed to take care of and protect them? There are posters on this very forum that have undergone terribly traumatic lives. This doesn't justify stupid or evil choices. And your wife is making a cruel and evil choice. Bringing up her past is irrelevant, and you're defending her, unwittingly, by doing so.
You're mistaken.
It doesn't bloody matter what your wife went through as a child. What matters is what she's doing now. And right now, she wants a relationship with the other man, and is perfectly capable and willing to humiliate you in front of her own family and children, to pursue that relationship. Oh, yes. "Poor wife."
"Just to let you know I have enough experience to easily hit you with a .50 cal rifle from over 500 yards away.
If he actually said this, he is a pansy poser. I could do 1200 meter headshots with a bolt action .30 back in the day. Probably still could. He's no SF wundersoldat. This is a ridiculous statement for someone to make.
FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him.
What state are you in? In my state you could have painted the wall with his brains and walked under the scenario you describe. After all, your wife was being raped by an intruder.
I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree.
Now you are emotionally blackmailing yourself because of her past. Do you think that she has a monopoly on childhood suffering? Millions of people here and around the world have suffered as much, if not more, than she has but they didn't turn around and become like the monsters that preyed on them when they were little. So save the sympathy card for someone who is truly worthy of it.
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But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement.
You'll get that pat on the back when you produce some results in defending yourself, and your children, legally from your so called 'wife' and her scumbag boyfriend.
FYI I have already spoken spoken to a good friend of mine who basically told me that don't have much ground to stand on by saying he assaulted me, because I initiated the fight by throwing a book at him. His defense could easily be that he punched me out of fear that I would continue to throw things at him and cause great bodily harm. The fact that he stopped hitting me once I went down basically solidifies his argument that he only did what he felt he needed to do to stop the immediate threat. So an assault case is out of the question. As far as the verbal threats well I need to be able to prove that so I will get a VAR and have it with me 24 7. I understand that many people on here believe my wife is horrible for what she has done, but no one here has the slightest clue as to what she had to deal with as a child and how much she has grown as a person. She is 100 percent wrong for what she is doing I agree. But I know that for every dark night,there is a bright day. All I need right now is a pat on the back and a few words of encouragement. Posted via Mobile Device
jason, I spent thirty years in government and enforcement. Your friend is wrong! You were faced with a stranger in your home, engaged in a sexual act with your wife. He threatened you if you didn't leave. See a lawyer, please.
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Re: How can I go on? 
