Could it be that you and your lawyer have completely different goals? It appears that your lawyer’s goal is to get you a good, clean divorce, In which case his advice is probably sound. Your goal appears to be slightly different and more emotionally charged….which isn’t an insult towards you at all, I mean how could you NOT be emotionally charged with all this craziness going on in your life? I’m just saying that your lawyer is completely disconnected emotionally and can think more rationally than you (at this moment) and therefore proceed with what he knows will work within the law.
HOWEVER, and I’m surprised this hasn’t been mentioned earlier, there’s nothing stopping you from consulting with another attorney and seeing THEIR viewpoint, which may (or may not) be more along the lines of what you are looking for. If a doctor diagnosed you with some strange and bizarre disease, certainly you would seek a second or third opinion on the subject. Assuming an initial consultation is free, what harm could consulting with another lawyer or two do you? If all the others say the same thing as your current attorney, perhaps there is some merit to what he is saying? If you find an attorney that tells you things more along the lines of what is being suggested in this forum, then you can select that attorney.
In any event, I must agree with everyone else who is encouraging you to report this incident to the police, like, right now. If the guy is a wanna- be, then you’ve lost nothing and gained everything. If he is serious, than in the event that he does something, there is a police record and in the end, you win. In any event, I’d be concerned about an attorney who advised me against getting a RO from someone who, literally, threatened my life. For me, that goes well outside the issue of divorce entirely: the rhetoric has moved from family and divorcing into personal death threats. This is something you, personally, should take very seriously and address with the local authorities as soon as possible. Creating a paper trail NOW documenting this persons violent tendencies might not only save your life, but the lives if your children. I hate to even bring it up, but if he smacks one of your kids around, it’s much more damning for him when the police show up if he has a paper trail of abusive tactics. Without the trail, it’s just his word against yours….again.
Finally, for the love of all that is holy: stop answering the phone when this guy calls. Stop talking to him. Stop responding to him. Let your phone ring and ring and ring (make sure to document when the calls come in, you can use that later when filing a RO to demonstrate harassing calls). You are completely inflating his machismo ego and playing right into his hands each and every time you waste breath responding to this guy.
I ask him what the fvck does he want from me and he just says. "Truce". Keep your mouth shut and leave her alone" I say fine you can have her I don't want her, I only wanna see my kids. He says ok from now on when you come over don't say 1 word to her and she won't say one word to you". I agree. Then he says ok. He hangs up. I sit there for like 30 minutes and I leave. I have not slept one minute since. I have ripped my car apart trying to find a GPS tracker but I can't find it. I truley cannot function right now. Please just bear with me. I can't take this anymore. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm sorry to be rude, but come on! Were you the bully victim as a child or something? Good grief. Go camp out at the police station until they arrest the idiot and call your laywer NOW!
Dude, you need a bull dog lawyer. Do the research. Talk to people that had to take legal action and got great results from their lawyer. Drop this guy. You're trying to be and alpha guy with a beta lawyer.
I tell him I will get a restraining order on OM and he tells me not to because that will only prompt my wife to get a RO on me and that will complicate me from seeing my kids.
This guy is a putz. Any judge will see this as retaliatory, especially if you have the VAR evidence.
Don't take action to protect yourself and the kids because she may retaliate? Stay away from your home and kids to avoid confrontation?
No, strike first, and strike hard. Get a lion of a lawyer. File for divorce, full custody, and a restraining order against him. Have the papers served on them both all at once. Get them off balance and reacting to you. You DO NOT want to be reacting to her. Never telegraph your "punches". Let everything come as a shock and suprise to them. Let them constantly wonder what you're going to do next to screw up their little fairy tale fantasy. And continue collecting evidence. You'll need it for the hearings and court.
You need to find out about the laws regarding recording others in your state NOW. Many do not allow it without at least the consent of one party to the conversation. BUT (listen here and see if you can work this) THAT DOES NOT APPLY TO CONVERSATIONS IN A PUBLIC PLACE WITH NO EXPECTATION OF PRIVACY! You need to know this so you can manipulate the conversation as you need to get the evidence you need next time you're in a public place with either one of them. That can be a restaurant, your driveway, the park...you get the idea. Let the lawyers battle in the hearing if it is legal or not...at that point EVERYONE (to include the judge who will be making the decisions) knows the recordings exist, and has a general what is on them. It reflects favorably upon you, no matter if they take them as evidence or not, because NOBODY is going to record themselves doing something wrong. Just the fact you try to get this into evidence will be beneficial to you.
AND, if Rambo threatens you in a public place, assaults you in a public place, and you have it on tape? Buh-Bye G.I. Wife confesses to filing false claims on tape in a public place? Cops would LOVE to have that recording. Cops hate it when a crazy woman abuses the system and wastes their time. Trust me, they do.
If nothing else, jason, report it all to the cops and insist they start a file on him, then go get your kids, take them to someone else's house, and stay there. When she starts steaming from the ears, just say 'your boyfriend threatened to MURDER me yesterday and I will NOT ALLOW my children to be around a man who may kill them, too. You wanna see the kids? Get a lawyer.'
All of my brothers, a lot of my cousins, my H, and most of his friends are military (mostly Marines, a few Navy). They always talked about the "badasses" who never even had to shoot their guns, but always talked about how awesomely fierce they were. The ones who do experience don't run around talking about it. At least in my experience. It is a trauma that you don't want to relive.
There was one guy in my H’s unit (which was NBCD or CBRN) who was always saying stupid shat like that. End rant!
I've been close to many a combat vet. The guys who were in the chit did not run around bragging about it. And they were mostly all quiet men, who would give warning but react in a snap if they needed to. In my time in military and LE I've also seen many posers like the OM who were torn to shreds by anyone who knew what they were talking about, or who stood up to their fake bravado.
Don't fear the guy telling you how bad he is...fear the guy who is sitting back quietly and not saying a word about how bad he is.
Must agree with the above posters questioning this guy’s military background. I served in the military for several years and (fortunately) never saw combat, nor did I ever do anything “badass” outside the range of what everyone else gets to do. ALL of my combat vet buddies are extremely sensitive to macho talk when it comes to combat and killing, every single one of them has PTSD or some sort of service related disability, and only my non combatant vet friends brag about being tough guys. I have personally known three separate soldiers who would lie through to their teeth to women about being special ops, military intelligence, etc. when they were really only E-1 or E-2 level radio operators (privates, in other words). Most people who don’t come from a military family or served themselves don’t know one MOS from the other (or even what an MOS is) so it’s easy to make crap up. That all said…none of that information is relevant to death threats being levied against you. I WOUD be interested in a background check on this guy NOT to verify that he served, but to verify that he was not just released from prison or is wanted in another state, or something along those lines. The lies your wife is buying aren’t important: the truth of this guy’s background could be vital to your children’s safety.
Must agree with the above posters questioning this guy’s military background. I served in the military for several years and (fortunately) never saw combat, nor did I ever do anything “badass” outside the range of what everyone else gets to do. ALL of my combat vet buddies are extremely sensitive to macho talk when it comes to combat and killing, every single one of them has PTSD or some sort of service related disability, and only my non combatant vet friends brag about being tough guys. I have personally known three separate soldiers who would lie through to their teeth to women about being special ops, military intelligence, etc. when they were really only E-1 or E-2 level radio operators (privates, in other words). Most people who don’t come from a military family or served themselves don’t know one MOS from the other (or even what an MOS is) so it’s easy to make crap up. That all said…none of that information is relevant to death threats being levied against you. I WOUD be interested in a background check on this guy NOT to verify that he served, but to verify that he was not just released from prison or is wanted in another state, or something along those lines. The lies your wife is buying aren’t important: the truth of this guy’s background could be vital to your children’s safety.
How do I go about getting my money back from him? Posted via Mobile Device
You can cancel his mandate by simply phoning him and confirming it in writing. As for getting your money back, he's already spent time in consultation with you, so I doubt this is a possibility.
Don't be so quick to fire him, Jason. He's given you good advice, IMO.
Can someone please tell me the easiest way I can fire this lawyer and get a full refund???? Posted via Mobile Device
Actually talk to him. Say you are finding that you are not happy in that you and he disagree on the right priorities here and you'd like to end his counsel. He will bill ou fir the time he has already sent, but should refund the reminder of the retainer.
The fact that he isn't helpmg you get the RO against a man that has assaulted you and nw has threatened to kill you says it all. Posted via Mobile Device
You can cancel his mandate by simply phoning him and confirming it in writing. As for getting your money back, he's already spent time in consultation with you, so I doubt this is a possibility.
Don't be so quick to fire him, Jason. He's given you good advice, IMO.
Cosmos, what is your take on the lawyers refusal to seek an RO against this man ? Posted via Mobile Device
Can someone please tell me the easiest way I can fire this lawyer and get a full refund???? Posted via Mobile Device
I'm not sure, but it would seem to me that the easiest way is to approach a new, aggressive lawyer and ask him. If he/she wants your business, they will help you get out of the old lawyer. Or, at the very least, you are getting a second opinion. Work through the system, and don't let yourself be thrown out of it by firing a lawyer without a backup plan in place.
Don't underestimate what turnera is saying. Think about the types of issues that make everyone stand up and pay attention, despite their preconceptions. You have a guy who is coming into your home, with your kids, who has threatened murder on multiple occasions. Some people will go on and on about proof, or lack thereof, but any civic official will immediately envision what will happen if this guy actually carried out these threats in the presence of children. It is like storing explosives in the presence of your children. If you camp out at the police station, or a new aggressive lawyer, ask them repeatedly if they are willing to deal with what will happen if this crazy guy hurts your children.
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Re: Update jason h 
