I guess a full 180 is in order...
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » I guess a full 180 is in order...

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-10-2012, 07:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default I guess a full 180 is in order...

I've complained numerous times in my previous posts that I'm dealing with an essentially unremorseful spouse.

I'm just getting sick of this whole deal. I know that I have to hang in there at least until I finish school (and can flee the state to avoid his crazy making lol) but it's just such a joke. I know that I am dealing with a possibly P.D. person or just one who is so immature and incapable of change. But, it's frustrating.

In MC today WH was given an assignment of sorts. He was told that EVERY day he should ask himself several times per day if he had shown any remorse that day, or any kind, loving words, or expression of happiness that he was getting a 2nd chance etc. I will be cautiously optimistic about this, but honestly I am not holding my breath.

He doesn't GET it and doesn't care to get it. Every week he puts on a show in MC and then the rest of the week...NOTHING. No bringing IT up, no remorse, angry and defensive any time I even remotely bring anything up...and basically just business as usual...

I am just going to live my life and look for happiness where I can. He has proven himself to not be a full partner in many ways and certainly not one in overcoming his infidelity. If I didn't "need" him right now and if I didn't have the horrible taste in my mouth of how he treated me during our separation (and what he exposed our children to...) there is no doubt in my mind that I would boot him out the door for good.

I'm just sad today, coming to terms with my reality and just venting... thanks for listening...
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Old 07-10-2012, 07:35 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

You should not be treated like this.

You should rethink your attempt at R and maybe take the route of a Divorce.

Do you see your WH changing, if not you need to take the proper route otherwise you are faced with a life of misery with him.
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Old 07-10-2012, 08:48 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

He knows you need him so he has the upper hand. Everything stays the same because it can and thats the way he likes it. If anything changes, it is because his status has changed somehow. Either way, wait it out till you are OK for your next move, which you need to schedule,plan for, and make before you get bitter or talk badly about to your children. He has shown you you really dont want him back so try to focus on your future.
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Old 07-10-2012, 08:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

Hang in there until you are ready to make your move (which is what I'm doing). I am in a similar situation with financial constraints and children to consider. I am biding my time too.
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:31 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

Quote:
Originally Posted by rrrbbbttt View Post
You should not be treated like this.

You should rethink your attempt at R and maybe take the route of a Divorce.

Do you see your WH changing, if not you need to take the proper route otherwise you are faced with a life of misery with him.
I'm already legally divorced from him though. Otherwise I would have filed to send a clear message. The only thing I can do is ask him to leave I guess...
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:32 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

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Hang in there until you are ready to make your move (which is what I'm doing). I am in a similar situation with financial constraints and children to consider. I am biding my time too.
How long are we supposed to live a fake life? I'm thinking no more than one year? Not that the financial/child issues will really resolve by then anyway... It's just hard to bide your time because it feels like I'm losing a piece of my soul every day I stay.
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:33 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

What a prick! Can't you do something to get out/get him out? How can you live this way? And why are you bothering with MC?

So sorry for you!
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Old 07-11-2012, 09:40 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

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What a prick! Can't you do something to get out/get him out? How can you live this way? And why are you bothering with MC?

So sorry for you!
Thank you.
I guess I could file legal eviction on him or something if need be. I am the owner of the house and we are already divorced on paper.
I guess I keep hoping that maybe THIS time it'll get through his head. THIS time he'll take the MC seriously and try to do the "assignment". I should know by now it won't happen...but it's so hard to face the reality of the whole thing.
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Old 07-12-2012, 04:51 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

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Originally Posted by Crazytown View Post
I've complained numerous times in my previous posts that I'm dealing with an essentially unremorseful spouse.

I'm just getting sick of this whole deal. I know that I have to hang in there at least until I finish school (and can flee the state to avoid his crazy making lol) but it's just such a joke. I know that I am dealing with a possibly P.D. person or just one who is so immature and incapable of change. But, it's frustrating.

In MC today WH was given an assignment of sorts. He was told that EVERY day he should ask himself several times per day if he had shown any remorse that day, or any kind, loving words, or expression of happiness that he was getting a 2nd chance etc. I will be cautiously optimistic about this, but honestly I am not holding my breath.

He doesn't GET it and doesn't care to get it. Every week he puts on a show in MC and then the rest of the week...NOTHING. No bringing IT up, no remorse, angry and defensive any time I even remotely bring anything up...and basically just business as usual...

I am just going to live my life and look for happiness where I can. He has proven himself to not be a full partner in many ways and certainly not one in overcoming his infidelity. If I didn't "need" him right now and if I didn't have the horrible taste in my mouth of how he treated me during our separation (and what he exposed our children to...) there is no doubt in my mind that I would boot him out the door for good.

I'm just sad today, coming to terms with my reality and just venting... thanks for listening...
Wow, that is almost exactly what has and what is happing to me. My W never showed true remorse from her Affairs. When I would bring up to her if she can do certain things for me, many times she would get very defensive and resentful. One of the main problems with my wife is that, with us, she has a bad attitude with just about everything.

I too am slowly coming to grips that if her and I do not work, that life goes on, I am still a great person no matter what crap she put me and our kids through.
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Old 07-12-2012, 09:41 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: I guess a full 180 is in order...

I have a similar issue. My STBXW says she is remorseful for her two physical/emotional affairs only when I tell her how hurt I am. I'm not convinced her remorse in genuine.

I think if she truly regretted what she did, she would come and tell me on her own, without prompting by me.

Basically, I don't think those of us who were betrayed can understand the mind of a betrayer but I don't think they are really truly sorry (other than sorry about getting caught).

Do your best.
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