This is my very first post. Like many of you, I never thought I'd end up here, Been married for almost 12 years, and then I was blindsided by my husband's emotional affair. He says he's since my discovery, ended all contact with her. And I'm still undecided what I want to do as far as stay or not. I am full of rage, and am not handling any of this well at all. I do love my husband, but I don't trust him and I don't know what to do. Here's where the trigger part fits in. A) The OW lives literally 150 feet from my husband's employment B) The OW is a licensed therapist C) This waste of skin's last name is actually.. LOVE! yes, seriously. D)We attend the same church. How in the world do I get past all that??? We have been to a therapist that we trust from our church, and she mentioned that there's 4 other coupes that are seeing her because of this woman! This is insane!! I can't eat, sleep and am barely functioning. Everywhere I go..non-stop triggers..Even him telling me he, "Loves" me is like a knife in my heart.. this is brutal.
It sounds to me like someone needs to report this woman to the licensing board.... yesterday. I think that you should, also, inform the church of her actions. So, do that now, whether your husband wants you to or not. This is abuse of power of some of the worst kind. Individuals are very susceptible to what a therapist tells them, whether they are their personal therapist or not.
I'm so, so sorry that you are going through this. Find a qualified therapist, give yourself some time and make your decisions based on what is best for you and your loved ones. Good luck.
Thank you, "Empty" for replying. I did make my husband go talk to our pastor (I was there also) and he confessed to the affair. And thank you also for your suggestion on reporting her. The first thing that pops in my head if I do that is- Am I setting them up for more contact as soon as she finds out? Obviously she'll know I turned her in. Should I even be concerned about that? Gosh this is so nuts..
Thank you, "Empty" for replying. I did make my husband go talk to our pastor (I was there also) and he confessed to the affair. And thank you also for your suggestion on reporting her. The first thing that pops in my head if I do that is- Am I setting them up for more contact as soon as she finds out? Obviously she'll know I turned her in. Should I even be concerned about that? Gosh this is so nuts..
So this is at least her 5th married man that she has had an affair with - YOUR married man and she lives by his work and goes to your church? I would not hesitate to expose her AT ALL! Your husband screwed up, so if it gets out, so be it, but she is a threat for sure.
Yes, Looking... I'm betting that 5 is only the tip of the iceberg. It just kills me that there's probably so many more out there like me. She's a real piece of work
Have you considered finding a new church? I know that's a big deal if you like your church and are members of the community, but maybe for the health of your marriage and your sanity, you would be able to find somewhere you feel more comfortable.
I just can't imagine going to church with the OW each week.
Also, would it be possible for your husband to find another job somewhere else? Would that make you feel more comfortable? If so, ask him to do it.
In the end, though, your main issue is with him. HE was the one who owed you fidelity, and HE was the one who chose differently. In time, you can work through this if you want to, and you don't have to decide now. But focus on HIM and your relationship, not the OW as it is your H who is more important in this scenario. OW, as vile as she is, could have been anyone who paid attention to him, so she is more or less irrelevant.
Norajane, yes we've discussed finding a different church. And half the time I want to more than anything. But then I feel like she somehow wins if she drives us away. Probably jacked up thinking on my part.
I have aso mentioned that I'm not comfortable with her living so close to his job, and he agrees that he needs to "get his resume out there", but I've seen maybe 6 go out. I do understand with the economy so messed up that it's not going to be an easy process.
And you're so right that it could have been anyone. I've thought about that quite often. I am trying so hard to keep the focus on him and his actions, but sometimes it hits me and I feel like I'm brought right back to square one. The betraya, pain, anger...etc comes flooding back in.
I know that no matter what, I'm strong enough to get past this, with or without him. I have 2 daughters from a previous marriage, and they woud be completly devastated. Neither of them have a clue any of this is happening. (the power of a protective Momma)...but gosh, this is the harderst thing I've had to face yet.
I think you should approach your pastor - if what she's doing is affecting other church members then your pastor should be willing to take this 'therapist' aside and suggest that she leave the congregation. Also, if she is publicly shamed, maybe she'll move.
OUT her. I see no down side to outing her publicly, especially if your pastor would back you up. Maybe your pastor would even do it.
You anger and upset are very normal so do not beat yourself up for that.
If she is licensed I would report her and do it now. If she tries to contact your husband get a restraining order. Should not be hard to do and should cost to much to get it done.
The triggers and angers will lessen with time. When I first found out about my wifes affair and the details. I could not look at a hotel with out a large amount of rage. Have you seen a Dr about your health? Are you sleeping, eating OK?
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Motherlload of all triggers- please help 
Point taken.
