blueskies30

I guessed his email password nad now have access. I didn't find much, but did find an email he sent to anohter woman back on Nov 6th. At this time we were talking everyday on the phone and text every night. He asked a woman out to dinner and a movie or to bowling, pool etc.

I didn't find anything from the woman he seemed to have a relationship with and I know he had sex with, but this one email and during the time frame incriminates him.

I'm all sorts of feelings now, since he was supposed to committed to me in November

anonim

do not confront or he will change his email

put a keylogger on his computer

blueskies30

Too late, I sort of already did. I didn't say anything about his email account. I just said I didn't know he liked to play pool. Then I wanted to leave it at that, but he kept saying who said this. I just said no one, its nothing, but he kept up. He said something is on your mind...He just kept at it. Until I said the girls name and then part of what he emailed and then the date he emailed her. He said he didn't remember her at all.

Now as it stands everything is off

Remains

put a keylogger on anyway. then u get the new password if it gets changed. And any new account. He said he doesn't remember? He is a liar. That is just an easy route to ending a conversation and questions.

blueskies30

His computer is 800 miles away from me now. I have no idea how I would even go about putting a key logger on it. Would it even help me by constantly monitering him, ready for the next shoe to drop?

From what I saw on his email, he hardly uses it at all. There was only 1 new email and none of the emails were about anything really. He has a strange obession with doing surveys and almost all the emails were survey related or complete junk.

I found that one email that was incriminating him. I'm sure he remembers her or he would not have made a huge deal out of it tonight. The email was dated Nov 6th and that was the time that I took the restraining order off him.

Because of me mentioning that someone sent me a copy of his email to me (which is not the way i came out with it at all. He beat it all out of me, figurativly speaking) he went on a texting rampage all night long.

He said I knew you didn't trust me.

Heres some of his screwed up texts "so I guess in ur ***ed up family. U show luv by busting a guys balls & making him feel worthless & small"
"it doesn't matter if I say I luv u, U dont & won't believe me
Here it is JULY & u still don't believe me or believe in me
I guess u can stay in the states and drive ur precious van & I'll go do what a good nigga does & work!"

Remains

I think u just said it with the 'I'm sure he wdn't have made a big deal about it'. He knew exactly what u were on about and wanted to know how much u knew. He was desperate to know all, and then when he knows all he says he can't remember! As soon as he found out he dropped it? And then laid into u. Well, that sounds like defensive behaviour to me. If he had nothing to defend he wouldn't be so angry IMO.

As for constantly monitoring him, it would only help u if u are staying with him. If u r not waiting for the 'next shoe to drop' then no, there is no point monitoring him.

I think defensiveness is the key to if anything is being hidden. If u are not attacking him or throwing accusations all the time, the defense is unreasonable.

blueskies30

I have a feeling that woman works in a sports bar or something because he said in the email about him being her favorite customer.

I won't be able to monitor him since I can't be with him.

I now know he is such a flirt and he can easily pick up women anywhere. I wish he would flirt with me that way. Its kind of hard to do 800 miles away though.

Now because of tonihgt he said in one text " I'm hurt, I'm sad, I'm frustrated, I'm pissed
So obviously u don't really readwhat I txt when I tell u my feelings
Should be suprised, but I'm not
Cause u never listen"

All that is from my finding that email.

Remains

Defesiveness, attacking u, anger at u, over something wrong he has done...usually means very very guilty of what he is being accused of.

Hope1964

You should go dark on him. Forget about driving up for your anniversary.

Or, investigate keyloggers and take one with you to put on his computer. Although the way he acts, I wouldn't even bother. There's no way I'd reconcile with someone who acted the way your husband does.

__________________
Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want ~ Spock
FOR CWI NEWBIES
~My story~
Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
Help for sex addicts and their spouse

Readytogo

ummm...restraining order lifted? Get out of that relationship.
end it fast. You deserve better!
Dont waist your time and money on a Keylogger.
He's defensive for a reason. there's your sign.

thesunwillcomeout

Yup. He's putting it on you. Making it your fault. "Where there's smoke, there's fire" -- Uncle Remus

He's pissed you're digging. They act that way cuz they hope it'll stop you from doing more. Like it's really gonna scare you off, right?

Not worth the drive.

Beowulf

Whether he is up to something or not is not really the issue. The fact that you found an email proving that he was at the very least less than forthcoming and he reacted with anger and defensiveness instead of compassion and understanding tells me all I need to know about his level of remorse. He is not ready to resume a meaningful relationship with you or anyone else. He is still acting from selfishness and manipulation.

blueskies30

I was suprised that he even text "morning " to me this morning then half hour later "luv u" I did text back "morning" to him 15 min after he text, but I idn't repond to his "Luv U" I want him to start being remorseful and being afraid that I might just stop loving him. All day hes been pretty needy. Hesw at work from 5-3:30 and hes been texting more than usual and most time I've been unable to respond because of Driving, kids dr appt or me sleeping. So the less contact from me has been having an effect on him.

His previous cheating with the 1 crazy girl I knew about and thought was the only one, he had lessened his guilt by telling me it started during our seperation when we were headed for divorce. This time though he can not say that.

I only slightly had a chance to tell him anything I feel, but so far none of it looks like he gets it from his replys. I said "I thought you were committed to me at that time, so thats why I'm very upset"

He came back with "well I thought we were ok cause I was going to counseling b4 I was kicked out"

So that makes no sense, he just wants to think of his own feelings of that he was still hurt of something from me kicking him out of the house. He is still going on about that and its almost been a year!!!

blueskies30

Your right. I wish he was remorseful, he would make me feel like he wouldn't do it again. NOw today he is wanting to talk about his feelings, hes never been so needy at work before. he was at lunch and he sent a couple texts that I didn't respond to because I was asleep. Then he sent a text " so u r ignoring me, even when I'm trying to communicate
Thats y I don't tell u any of what I feel"

Then after that he sent a text in a different mood " I was thinking that I wish u were down here cause there is a tattoo convention here this weekend"

Then he reverted back to being angry and defensive because I only said "oh" to his texts...I was half asleep and did have enough time to soak in what he had said.

Hope1964

Good grief, it sounds exhausting, all that bullsh!t. Why don't you just IGNORE him? He's playing head games with you.

__________________
Curious how often you humans manage to obtain that which you do not want ~ Spock
FOR CWI NEWBIES
~My story~
Understanding the Pain - required reading for WS's
Help for sex addicts and their spouse