Back in April I discovered that my wife was having inappropriate communication with a coworker (a manager in fact) who is based in another city. By inappropriate communication, I mean late night texting and some sexting. I confronted her about it and she denied that it was anything more than "flirting", but said she would cease communications with him immediately, and how she loves me so much and cant imagine living without me, blah blah blah.
I accepted her apology and it seemed that things were going well in our relationship until last week when I found out she may be still communicating with him (I know of at least one text that was sent from him to her when she was out with her friends....I have access to her cell usage via verizonwireless.com). Unfortunately I do not know the extent or context of this communication as she is clearly trying to cover her tracks... but I am especially worried now since her company is hosting a week-long conference next week in our city where I am positive they will see each other in person.
I don't know what to do. We have two children under the age of 5 and I do not want to lose my family. I've considered confronting this man and telling him to stay away from my wife, or calling his wife and alerting her to this situation, but I understand this may cause even more problems. I also know that I need more proof, which I may not get until it's too late. I looked into hiring a PI but it is more than I can afford now. Thanks in advance for any and all advice.
PS- I looked into cell phone spy software and it wont work with her phone since she uses a Windows Phone. All the programs I've read up on wont work with that platform. Also I tried installing a keylogger program on her computer but her anti-virus software wont allow it.
She took the affair underground after your first D-day. I share your worry that something physical will happen if they do meet up. Is there any way you can get her to miss the conference?
P/S You have nothing to lose by exposing because you're not in the wrong here, that's assuming you have concrete evidence to pass on. What's your concern exactly?
Find his wife and expose to her. Do not warn your wife you are doing this, just do it. He will then throw your wife under the bus to save himself.
If he doesn't back off them, the next step is to inform HR about the innapropriate relationship.
I know it seems harsh, but you tried the nice way of asking her to stop, She didn't and has continued underground. Now you need a big stick that will end the affair. Take it to the OMW and let her be that stick.
Find his wife and expose to her. Do not warn your wife you are doing this, just do it. He will then throw your wife under the bus to save himself.
If he doesn't back off them, the next step is to inform HR about the innapropriate relationship.
I know it seems harsh, but you tried the nice way of asking her to stop, She didn't and has continued underground. Now you need a big stick that will end the affair. Take it to the OMW and let her be that stick.
Usually, I would recommend to gather more concrete evidence before confronting your wife and exposing the affair to the other man's wife. However, because of your situation, where there's a possibility the affair has not become physical yet, and might become physical very soon, I think you should take steps to expose and confront in the next few days.
First, let me tell you what your wife is doing. She is in contact with the other man on a daily basis. She is having an emotional affair with him. It is very likely that she has told him that she loves him. It is very likely that in the near future she is going to tell you that she loves you but is not "in love" with you.
Your wife has turned the other man into somewhat of a fantasy. To her, he is perfect. She has no day-to-day responsibilities with him, no cooking, no cleaning, no shopping, no wiping butts or giving baths, just all lovey-dovey and sex talk and making plans to be together to consummate their love.
You cannot compete with the other man. He is a fantasy. Any picture he has given her has him looking his best. Anything he tells her or texts her is carefully crafted to present him at his best. She sees only his best. She has that butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling you get when you first meet someone and are nervous about impressing them. She will tell you she is "in love" with him. Your wife has settled into a routine existence with you. Going to work. Taking care of the home. Raising children. Other man has provided excitement. She will mistake it for being "in love." You and I probably would call it "infatuation," just like when you were a teenager.
Your story is not unique and cheaters behave in very, very predictable patterns. It really is remarkable how similar they all behave.
When two people are carrying on an emotional affair, it will turn physical very, very quickly if they are in physical proximity to each other. The longer the emotional affair, the more likely they will make it a physical affair very quickly when they meet. Due to the large number of texts and conversations your wife is having with the other man (I know she is texting and talking to him a lot, even if you haven't found this out yet), and the length of time she's been at it, it is very likely they already have plans to make it physical the first time they meet. You say you found the first sext in April. That means it probably already was ongoing for at least a few weeks at that point. Now you found out she was communicating with him last week and trying to cover her tracks. If they did stop communicating at all, it was for a very short time, maybe two or three days. So they have been carrying on this emotional affair for at least four months now.
Look for new lingerie hidden away, look for changes in grooming, look for tanning, etc., - she will want to look her best for the first time with the other man when he comes to town next week.
Going forward, understand that cheaters lie. Your wife is a cheater. From now on, assume all of your wife's words are lies, unless they are backed up by actions. Believe only the actions, not the words. She told you it was over. Just words. Her actions say different. She is continuing her affair and taking steps to cover her tracks. She will tell you they are just friends, good co-workers, etc. Do not believe her.
Get a voice-activated recorder and put it in her car. Look in her car for a burner phone. Look for the lingerie, grooming, etc., both in the house and on your account statements.
Try to find out information to contact the other man's wife. Tell his wife what you know - that there was sexting between your wife and her husband in April; that your wife told you she would cease contact with him; that your wife is in contact with him and is covering her tracks; and ask other man's wife to keep her eyes open for signs that her husband may be having an emotional and/or physical affair with your wife. Do not tell your wife you are doing this.
Because their conference is next week, you do not have too much time. If you can, wait a day or two to see if the voice-activated recorder picks anything up or if you can find more evidence by looking around the house, at phone records, emails, etc., before exposing to the other man's wife.
Confront your wife as soon as possible after exposing to the other man's wife. Tell your wife that you know she has lied to you about her relationship with the other man. Do not say what you know or how you know it. Tell your wife that you need to hear it from her, you want her to tell you the truth, and that if she doesn't come clean, you are considering divorce. Stay firm on this. Do not give up what you know or how you know it no matter what.
When your wife finds out you have exposed the affair to the other man's wife, she most likely will storm out of the house and contact the other man immediately. She may make plans to move out and stay with the other man when he comes next week. She almost definitely will tell you that she was about to end it with the other man and recommit to you, but now she won't because of what you've done. She also will almost definitely ask you why would you want to hurt the innocent other man's wife (as if the other man's wife would not want to know that her husband was sexting with your wife or possibly about to have sex with your wife). Ignore this. Tell your wife that everything you are doing, you are doing to fight for your wife, your marriage, and your family, and you will not apologize for fighting for her, your marriage, and your family.
It is important that you remain as calm and confident as possible during any confrontations with your wife. Do not whine, plead, or beg with her to end it. That will not work and probably will make it a lot worse. It is a good idea to have a voice-activated recorder on you when you confront your wife, just in case she might accuse you of some type of abuse or violence to get you thrown out of the house.
It is possible that the affair has become physical already. It is possible that other man has traveled to your city on business and your wife did not tell you about it. It is possible that your wife said she was going to work, but did not.
For now, assume the affair has not become physical yet, but assume they will consummate it when they see each other next week.
In the meantime, can you tell us what your wife has done when you say she's tried to cover her tracks? Also, can you give more specifics about the frequency and content of the texting, sexting and the other communications she's had with the other man in the past?
Good to see that you have done the necessary homework.
Good to see that you are not blaming yourself,and you see this exactly for what it is.
You have only one option.
Tell his wife your suspicion, [ Also about the previous sexting incident ] If you are wrong , both she and your wife are supposed to understand.
If you wife gets upset ,then you are on the right track.
I used desktopshark, it takes snapshots of the screen and didn't interfere with my antivirus.
Agree 100% with what's been said, act and do not delay,
Do NOT underestimate the power of infatuation Posted via Mobile Device
Thanks everyone. I think the hardest part to understand is the ease in which my wife can lie about what's going on. Like it doesnt even phase her. Anyway, she picked the wrong person to try and deceive. I am quite good at these cat and mouse games and i know ill get to the bottom of it one way or another. The advantage that us loyal spouses have is the the DS's always make mistakes. We just need to catch them when they do. Will keep you posted on developments. Posted via Mobile Device
Should instituted the nc policy immediately so right now you could be walking out the door with a clear head. Now u will need to do as others stated and investigate. Also might want to tell her she is not allowed to delete her txt. That way verizon tells you a txt came through and if she don't have it its cause she's deleted it which means divorce. At least that's what I did. Posted via Mobile Device
Should instituted the nc policy immediately so right now you could be walking out the door with a clear head. Now u will need to do as others stated and investigate. Also might want to tell her she is not allowed to delete her txt. That way verizon tells you a txt came through and if she don't have it its cause she's deleted it which means divorce. At least that's what I did. Posted via Mobile Device
Should have also mentioned that I believe they are using an internal, company specific communication tool that I havent been able to track (ms lync). They can text and talk throught it and bypass verizon showing any related texts or calls, only data charges. Posted via Mobile Device
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Caught wife sexting back in April 
