cdm9999

I see lots of suggestions about using VARs to secretly record conversations between WSs and OPs... i would like to put one in the car which would catch at least one sided conversations or even both if they are both in the car. However, I learned that it is illegal to record conversations between unknowing parties (I am in NY) .... If I recorded myself and my WH that would be legal, but not unknowing parties if I am not in the conversation.

SOOOOO my question is, even though this would be my evidence of the affair, I feel I couldn't use it to prove anything or proof of adultery. And even if I just confronted him with my proof just so he knows I have proof, I would be worried he could get me in trouble with the law if he was real nasty about it.

What have people done in this case? Do you just prove to yourself using these or do you confront? I've never seen this issue brought up. thanks for advice

the guy

Come on, your getting cheated on and your worried about the legality of a VAR.
I imagine if you were late for work your speeding or rolling through that stop sign is no big deal.

You have every right to protect your self from deciet and betrayal.

BTW, never reveal your sorces....

And if your old man is more worried about getting you introuble for spying then his own marriage then the marriage is over.

The DA is not going to go after you any way....not enles you used it to kill him:-)

Jibril

Well, I don't think you'd be using the evidence in court, but rather to confirm the affair. There's lots of conditions that pertain to the legality of recording, and I am absolutely no expert on the matter.

All I'll say is this. If you're still married to your husband at the moment, then technically, isn't it your car too? How "illegal" is it to set up recording equipment in your own property? I can only hazard a guess, but I'd say there is very little legal repercussion for doing this.

Unless you do something silly with the recording, like broadcasting the contents of the recording on the internet.

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will enlighten us, but I don't think you have much to worry about.

cdm9999

I'm worried about the legality because I don't want my cop WH to press charges against me. I could tell him I have proof and not disclose the source, but he would probably think i was bluffing and I want him to know that I do know. If there is any risk, I will keep it to myself.

Also, I did file for D and filed under both adultery and irreconsilable differences, so I know I don't need grounds, but would love it to have adultery on record. But at least I made the statement, which was important for me because I filed for D BECAUSE of the adultery. i do realize in most cases it is easier to just do the
irreconsilable differences route in the end.

morituri

Then don't.

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lordmayhem

So what if he's a cop? It's up to the prosecutor if they want to even pursue it. And if he's really a cop, then he knows that. If you're in NYC, then he knows its a waste of time. Plus, if he files a report, he would have to name himself as the victim, and that will have to be investigated by detectives and draw attention to himself within the department.

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TheGoodFight

My wife tried to tell me that recording her was illegal too. To which I responed "Yea, so is adultery". She said not another word about it.

Apparently it's illegal in NY too. New York Penal - Article 255 - § 255.17 Adultery - New York Attorney Resources - New York Laws

Just sayin.

Shaggy

To press charges against you would invite the question of why it was in the car and what it found. So basically he could try something, but he'd have to air all his dirty laundry to go there.

So he won't. Relax and deploy.

even if he did try to pursue it, he would have to get a DA to file charges like lordmayhem said. No ask yourself, does a DA have time to file charges for a cheating spouse caught out by VAR? Seriously in this time of government cutbacks, you have to go a lot farther than a VAR to even get on the radar.

Martin12

FYI:

Twelve states require the consent of every party to a phone call or conversation in order to make the recording lawful.

These "two-party consent" laws have been adopted in
California, Connecticut, Florida, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Pennsylvania and Washington (Hawai'i is also in general a one-party state, but requires two-party consent if the recording device is installed in a private place).

Recording Phone Calls and Conversations | Citizen Media Law Project

Remember that Linda Tripp was charged in Maryland for illegally recording her conversations with Monica Lewinsky.

lordmayhem

Oh yeah, a high profile case, in which 49 state senators had to demand that Tripp be charged. In the end they still ended up dropping the case.

Linda Tripp - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

In the real world, they don't have the time to pursue charges against regular citizens. People can quote all the laws they want, we have many laws on the books that aren't enforced because its physically impossible to enforce them all. In the US, prosecutors are constrained by the 6th Ammendment, where the accused have the right to a speedy and fair trial. So guess what? There are a limited number of courtrooms, judges, prosecutors, public defenders, money to run all this, and less that 40 hours a week to try cases.

Prosecutors have NO choice but to use discretion, in medical terms, it's called triage. The vast majority of cases never even make it to court, and prosecutors drop cases all the time, and the ones that do are usually pled out to avoid a trial, while at the same time getting a conviction. That in a nutshell is how the criminal justice system works.

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Eli-Zor

Get the VAR , it would be a rare occation for anyone to place charges especialy if it is placed in a family car . If the VAR is discoverd you may get threats the standard answer is - nothing, let them rant and rave, be sure to practice your smile. They will be more concerned what else you have on them.
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bandit.45

Look at it from this angle:

How is a VAR any different than a home secuirity system with cameras?
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Affaircare

The laws for electronic surveillance are different for every state. Since I do not know which state you're in, I can not tell if it's legal. Here is a link to the Electronic Surveillance Laws for each State in the USA. Please scroll down to your state, and click on the link under "Cite" to actually see the laws.

In a summary though, the majority of states say that recording a conversation is legal as long as ONE person gives their consent. If you are a person in the conversation, you can be the one consenting, so you can record any conversation to which you are a party. To cover the states that require TWO people, you would hold out the recording device for them to see and say "I am recording our conversation. If you continue to speak to me, that will count as your consent to record. <Then proceed with the talk or question here.>"

In the instance of a voice activated recorder in the car to catch him and the OW talking, here you are not a party of that conversation--and chances are slim to none that either of them would give consent to being recorded! Thus the VAR is not usually admissible in court as evidence of adultery...but it would be proof to you that you are not nuts, it's not all in your mind, it's not just you being jealous or controlling. It would be the smoking gun to prove TO YOU that it is right and reasonable for you to move forward with protecting yourself financially and legally.

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Racer

Meh... I weighed the punishment the courts would levy me with (fine if even charged) with the punishment I would go through staying with a cheating spouse and going insane with suspicion.

I didn't fear the police or what minor thing they could to me since I was already serving a life long sentence with my wife and her actions that I should know about.