Ok this is where i am at and need help cause my head is really messed up. My wife and i made a misstake and decided to become swingers. Life was all good at least i thought it was. In the past six months we found a couple that were hangin with and then basically we stopped hanging out cause the wife said that her husband was falling for my wife. i did not believe it and they also agreed with me. I did notice that they were becoming really good friends and he was also becoming one of my best friends. through the months they would text constantly but i would talk with him to on a daily basis. i told my wife that if she was going to have lunch with him that she needs to tell me. well people around me told me that they think that something was going on but they did not now. Well i finally checked the wifes computer and read some IM's from them. It said that she was going to his house and having lunch together. so i confronted her and she said that they were just hanging out. I knew she was lying. so a couple weeks went on with our marriage failing and dying the whole time. we would fight about it and she would still deny it. Then one day i found out she went to see him again and i told her that i want the darn truth. she said yes we are having an affair. so there is the story.
ok. so she wants to be seperated for now. i told her that i am willing to forget and lets work on this marriage and make it work. she says she is not sure. and well we were supposed to go on vacation to atlanta with this guy that was supposed to be my friend but now i am not going but she says she is still going. She told me that after the trip she will decide what she wants.
What am i to do? She was the only girlfriend i ever had and we have two kids. Do i get out or keep trying to make her come back? she says that we were having problems before the affair but i had my blinders on and didnt see it. What do i do?
First let me say that you are a complete fool. Now that its been said. Does your wife work? Please tell me she doesn't. Tell her that the day she leaves for Atlanta, you will be filing for divorce. And that when she comes back all her clothes, everything she has will tossed out. Tell her that there is an new sheriff in town. Also if the children ask why you are throwing mommy's stuff out, Tell her that you will tell them, that mommy has a new boyfriend (They have the right to know). Tell her you will out the affair to all friends and relatives. As for right now. You need to go and separate your finances. Close all joint bank accounts and credit cards before she can go. Or the alternative is her going and being done by this guy multiple times. I guess it comes down to whether you will accept being cuckolded or not. Decision is yours.
that she did break the number one rule. i fully agree with u on that one.
and yes she does work. but part time. she is taking her check to go cause i told her that i am not paying for her to have fun with him. I can say that i feel that it is over. I guess i just dont have that back bone to do these things. My problem is i dedicated my life to her. Stuck with her when she tore her acl. stuck with her when she lost jobs. i married her for a reason. The fact that i love her to much to just give up. even tho i should.
She has even said that right now when i touch her that she doesnt get the goose bumps or any other feelings anymore. Should this tell me its over. I told this is how i feel and she says that its not really over but needs her space to think on what she wants. I guess i am just really confused.
Does anyone think that this can be fixed? Should I be waiting for her? I feel i shouldnt, but everytime i try and talk to her she just gets mad and tells me she needs space. No i am getting mad talking about it.
Thats to bad. Because I wrote those measures to give you a fighting chance to save your marriage. The problem is. She has lost all respect for you. What I have suggested will renew that respect. But by all means, if you think being weak and letting her cheat is the way to keep her. More power to you. And I mean that literally.
What about his wife? How does she feel about this affair?
Also why are they comming here to Atlanta for vacation? there are a few Serious swinger clubs here, is that why?
Well that happens sometimes with swingers, may I asked why you became swingers? was it to add spice to a relationship that seemed to "lack something" ?
Also witht he swinger community becomming "close friends" with 1 couple ius a recipe for a disaster becuase eventually emotions become part of it...and thus a divorce.
My wife and I thought about being swingers, we checked out a club in NJ and Atlanta....we decided it wasn't for us, so we moved on.
I imagine your marriage was dying a long time ago. I would start to move on, but I am curious about his wife, what happened to her?
Who's idea was it anyway to become swingers?
I'm thinking it was hers, am I right? You did it cause you wanted to be a 'good' husband?
Listen, you need to stop being a doormat. She's loving this...she's getting off on walking all over you. that "I'll decide when I come back..." WTF is that?
Thats basically saying..."well honey, I'm going to let him bang my brains out some more...you just wait here"
Do you not see this? Your enabling her by trying harder. You need to get that out of your head...theres NOTHING you can do to affect her behavior. Trying harder just enables her. As things get worse for you, and as she has more fun outside the marriage, you become a 'better' husband. Its win win for her. She's enjoying everything about this...hot extramarital sex and a nice clean doormat for when she comes home. Being more of what you've been already....is just going to make you explode one day.
Look, I'm not seeing any hope in this. She has zilch respect for you. She is pushing the envelope everyday with you and everyday she gets more cause you let her.
Let her go on vacation with this dude, and while she is gone, take the kids and find a new home and file for divorce. Make sure to get temporary physical custody and have your lawyer order temporary child support. This is no environment to raise kids in.
She says it is not about the sex. that they have become best friends. I told her that it is obvious more that best friends. she refuses to stop talking to him. It was my idea to become swingers and we became friends after we were in the swinging.
The longer you show her that there is no consequence to her actions, the further away she will drift. Everything you are doing, is helping her to choose him. It is sad to see so many men allowing their wives to cuckold them and basically help them move out of the marriage. At this point, you are definitely the OMs best friend. You are actually doing everything to ensure that he gets your wife. First you let other men do your wife, then you help them by encouraging your wife to leave you, by being incredibly weak and unattractive to her.
I can speak from experience that what initfortheduration says is true, the suggestions are not intended to be mean to your wife or get revenge, they are to make her view you as a man and want you. I suffered from these same things, when I started standing up and being a man in my wife's eyes, things turned around. You dont have to beat up thugs in front of her, just stand up to her in a reasonable way. If you are done with her, fine, hell, I probably would be if I was "second choice" but you have to make yourself "first choice" or "only choice" material. Be that for the next one if not her.
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Originally Posted by retodd
that she did break the number one rule. i fully agree with u on that one.
and yes she does work. but part time. she is taking her check to go cause i told her that i am not paying for her to have fun with him. I can say that i feel that it is over. I guess i just dont have that back bone to do these things. My problem is i dedicated my life to her. Stuck with her when she tore her acl. stuck with her when she lost jobs. i married her for a reason. The fact that i love her to much to just give up. even tho i should.
I can speak from experience that what initfortheduration says is true, the suggestions are not intended to be mean to your wife or get revenge, they are to make her view you as a man and want you. I suffered from these same things, when I started standing up and being a man in my wife's eyes, things turned around. You dont have to beat up thugs in front of her, just stand up to her in a reasonable way. If you are done with her, fine, hell, I probably would be if I was "second choice" but you have to make yourself "first choice" or "only choice" material. Be that for the next one if not her.
No. Thats attaching strings to your behavior...here the strings are changing the way she views you. Whether it works or not should NOT be the issue. Whats at issue when standing up for your feelings and needs is YOU! How she responds to that is up to her, if you expect her to react a certain way, then your no longer doing it for you and you will lose sincerity in your behavior and when they dont act the way you expect you will become depressed and then angry. The anger will destroy you too if you dont realize the motives in your behavior and how wrong they were. Do you see how that sets you up?
Cone, in your case, you drew boundries and your wife respected them...that shows that she had respect for you all along, and is a good foundation for hope in a marriage. Assuming she's not just pretending, it means she's a good person! In my case, my wife showed me her ugly side when I did this. Well I'm learning self respect, so I'm the one getting the divorce.
Yes, retodd, do it for you, and you will eventually get positve results. I have learned that being a martyr serves no good purpose.
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Originally Posted by Tim
No. Thats attaching strings to your behavior...here the strings are changing the way she views you. Whether it works or not should NOT be the issue. Whats at issue when standing up for your feelings and needs is YOU! How she responds to that is up to her, if you expect her to react a certain way, then your no longer doing it for you and you will lose sincerity in your behavior and when they dont act the way you expect you will become depressed and then angry. The anger will destroy you too if you dont realize the motives in your behavior and how wrong they were. Do you see how that sets you up?
Cone, in your case, you drew boundries and your wife respected them...that shows that she had respect for you all along, and is a good foundation for hope in a marriage. Assuming she's not just pretending, it means she's a good person! In my case, my wife showed me her ugly side when I did this. Well I'm learning self respect, so I'm the one getting the divorce.
thanks for everybody helping out it does help. and makes me realize what i am doing. i really appreciate it.
I told her about this site and what i have been told. Her she was really angry that i would listen to people on here. i told her that people on her have been through this and that they know. We are gonna sit down on monday probably and have a final talk. She has to decide and after she does then i told her that i will decide what i want after that. Is this what i should do?
Wife admitted to it
Re: Wife admitted to it
