That's the ideal situation to be honest, I love her as a friend and I hope she just feels the same way Posted via Mobile Device
Why would it be ideal for you? So that you could hang out with her again just like you're doing now?
In both situations, whether your female friend has feelings for you or not, it's best to distance yourself from her and take into account your LTG's feelings.
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
That's the ideal situation to be honest, I love her as a friend and I hope she just feels the same way Posted via Mobile Device
I'm done with this thread, it's a total waste of time. The above post proves all the advice in the world isn't going to get this guy to see what he is doing.
Mestalla Guy, It's my opinion that if your girlfriend has any respect for herself, she should dump you and move on. Your not relationship/marriage material and I don't think you've grown up yet. Just sayin'. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm done with this thread, it's a total waste of time. The above post proves all the advice in the world isn't going to get this guy to see what he is doing.
Mestalla Guy, It's my opinion that if your girlfriend has any respect for herself, she should dump you and move on. Your not relationship/marriage material and I don't think you've grown up yet. Just sayin'. Posted via Mobile Device
Apparently, this isn't a real problem for him. And given my experience, there aren't too many corners of the world that support long term partners in the face of aggressive opposite sex friends. my experience is that after you've given up half your social life, all of your free time to your mutually exclusive committed partner, the prospect of still dating around --just in case there's someone better out there-- you're still expected to take a back seat to the "friend" or else you're the one who is jealous and insecure.
Is it any wonder being the "friend" is a far better prospect?
Shakespeare profoundly wrote 'Methinks he doth protest too much' in one of his plays (dunno if it was Macbeth, Hamlet, or another one - doesn't really matter.) OP came here professing that his 'best friend' was just a friend (who happens to be a girl) and that he couldn't understand why his girlfriend was upset about the relationship. He now realizes that there is more to the relationship, yet he still can't break away. He's not even considering his girlfriend's feeling anymore. He's trying to work out an 'ideal' solution between him and the best friend. This very fact should tell him what his decision should be. If I was his girlfriend, I sure as heck wouldn't want a mate who was as ambivalent towards me as the OP is behaving.
Im going to talk to my friend and get our true feelings out in the open, Posted via Mobile Device
Once again, prioritizing "friend" over your girlfriend. To me, this is a betrayal. Going beind your girlfriend's back to discuss whether or not your "best friend" has feelings for you. I imagine you are not going to have this conversation right in front of your girlfriend or even make her aware of it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mestalla guy
Ive talked in pm's with another member and they made me realise that its not actually a conventional relationship, and that I need to stop trying to convince myself that it is. That's what I've been doing for a while now, because even no nothing sexual has happened there are times when I feel like I've crossed a line with my friend, but can't stop myself either. I just don't know how to approach this without hurting someone Posted via Mobile Device
Whoop! There it is.
I don't buy that you are so naive. Your entire thread reads that your loyalty lies to your friend and not to your girlfriend.
You don't "get it." And you won't until yo uare in your girlfriend's position some day. And you still haven't answered... how would you feel if the tables were turned? What if you told your girlfriend you were not comfortable w/ the relationship she has with her "best" hetero male attractive friend and she refuses to set boundaries?
How would YOU feel about that?
I am not buying your story of naivety.
Word to the wise: you will never have a healthy relationship with a woman as long as this other chick is front and center in your life (and she is).
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Middleman
I'm done with this thread, it's a total waste of time. The above post proves all the advice in the world isn't going to get this guy to see what he is doing.
Mestalla Guy, It's my opinion that if your girlfriend has any respect for herself, she should dump you and move on. Your not relationship/marriage material and I don't think you've grown up yet. Just sayin'. Posted via Mobile Device
It's just amazing to me the girlfriend has tolerated this for so long and hasn't dumped him yet.
You don't "get it." And you won't until yo uare in your girlfriend's position some day. And you still haven't answered... how would you feel if the tables were turned? What if you told your girlfriend you were not comfortable w/ the relationship she has with her "best" hetero male attractive friend and she refuses to set boundaries?
How would YOU feel about that?
I am not buying your story of naivety.
It's just amazing to me the girlfriend has tolerated this for so long and hasn't dumped him yet.
I gave him a very concrete example of the above in my post No. 163 and he has not addressed it.
I gave him a very concrete example of the above in my post No. 163 and he has not addressed it.
I'd say that's likely because he knows that HE would be insisting the friendship ends with the hetero male friend... but if he replies here, he will say what many others have said before him... "I would be perfectly ok with it. There is nothing wrong with it." blah blah blah.
I gave him a very concrete example of the above in my post No. 163 and he has not addressed it.
Honestly, I wouldn't be happy about it, and I realise that makes me a massive hypocrite, but I can't change who I was friends with. I want to do the right thing here. I taking my gf away for a few weeks so we can alone, it's time I put her first and concentrate on our relationship Posted via Mobile Device
Ok. I just did some research on your past posted threads, Mestalla.
It goes a little something like this:
1. You were upset your girlf wanted to sleep over at her girlfriend's house one night. You told her you were uncomfortable with this and eventually she ended up not staying at her girlfriend's house for the night, respecting your boundaries and wishes.
2. You are bored with your sex life. You say you are high drive and want her to give you some more.
3. Now a post about how your girlfriend hates your best "girl" friend and in your own words you've cheated on your girlfriend and you said this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by mestalla guy
Since we have been together i have kissed a few girls, always a one off, always while i had been drinking and the guilt kills me. The first couple happened within weeks/months of us getting together, i was young and stupid, the last time happened 2 years ago with someone i knew since childhood, she also has a boyfriend and we were just been stupid and drunk, we havnt spoken since.
I understand this behaviour is unacceptable and wrong.
My worry is that I'm the only one who has ever done any wrong in this relationship
Is the girlfriend you've known since childhood the "best friend" your girlfriend hates?
Does your girlfriend know you have cheated on her in the past with several women?
Honestly, I wouldn't be happy about it, and I realise that makes me a massive hypocrite, but I can't change who I was friends with. I want to do the right thing here. I taking my gf away for a few weeks so we can alone, it's time I put her first and concentrate on our relationship Posted via Mobile Device
Well at least you acknowledge your hypocrisy.
And NONE of us can change our past and who we were friends with before meeting someone new. But we can respect our partners and prioritize said partners over past friendships. It's a choice.
In your case, for the past few years you've chosen over and over again to de-prioritize your relationship and dismissed your partner's feelings. Or maybe you have acknowledged how she feels but you haven't done anything about it.
As bad as it sounds, no, she dosnt know about it, and no it's a different girl Posted via Mobile Device
Yep, it does sound bad. Because not only is she made a fool all the time with your "best girl friend," she also doesn't know she's been embarassed several other times by you cheating on her and doesn't even have a clue about it.
That is why her radar goes off w/ your best friend. She can prob sense that you have really poor boundaries. It's a warning for her and it's probably spot on.
I can promise you that you will sabotage every relationship you ever have w/ a woman if you keep this up. Write that down and put it somewhere safe. It's a given.
If someone has cheated on you they aren't worth being with at all Posted via Mobile Device
Quote:
Originally Posted by mestalla guy
You sound like such a nice person, you don't deserve any of this, reading those texts was heart breaking, I don't know how you managed to stay so nice to him while he was messing you around. You are worth so much than him, and when he try to crawl back to you with his tail behind his leg (and he will) tell him to get lost. People like you don't be alone for long, someone will quickly see this Posted via Mobile Device
And you've cheated before and you go around being sanctimonious and preachy and then admit to being a massive hypocrite.
I realise I have done wrong but I want to be a better person, Im prone to doing idiotic things some times and it's like I can't stop myself, the past is the past however and I do believe I have improved as a person since then Posted via Mobile Device
563Likes
Re: Girlfriend dosnt like my friend 
