I'm shocked that you keep saying the OW "feels bad" for how things happened. She was more than aware you were in an emotional affair. That's why she stayed single for so long. She doesn't feel bad, she just says she does to keep you viewing her in a positive light. It seems she's content without sex as well, so consider that in the long run you'll likely end up in a sexless relationship. She was putting on a show and always kept her best foot forward in the affair. Once you find yourself in a real relationship I have a feeling you won't like the real her.
She is no good. You should cut her off even if your GF is out of your life forever. Posted via Mobile Device
I'm shocked that you keep saying the OW "feels bad" for how things happened. She was more than aware you were in an emotional affair. That's why she stayed single for so long. She doesn't feel bad, she just says she does to keep you viewing her in a positive light.
It's a good sign when we feel bad when we do something wrong, but I agree that it's doubtful that your friend feels one iota of remorse for being instrumental in breaking up your relationship with your GF. IMO, she tells you that she does to come as the 'good guy.'
Why exactly the hell is everyone dog-piling on this other girl?
Stop it.
She hung in there for the guy she wanted to be with. And she got him. Why should she feel bad at all?
Cripes, this is the theme of every other romantic comedy out there and posters are treating this individual like some kind of tramp.
Check your baggage please. And be aware of when you are projecting ... because there is an awful lot of it going on here.
Everyone in this scenario is better off. Perhaps most of all the GF that hung around for 5 years ... BY HER CHOICE. Now she is free to move on.
And Mestalla and his girl ... friend, are free to see if they can make a go of it.
Win/win wouldn't you think?
Really?! it's funny that the quote in your signature says "And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears". Seems to me that love has done nothing but broken one person's heart and confirmed her fears.
As for the part that I bolded - oh, I don't know. Maybe because it was the way in which she got him? As a mod you HAVE to know that this would hit a lot of people hard. No, they weren't married but it was a ltr and many people here can relate to the fear that the "friend" in their SO's life has more intentions than s/he is letting on and that their SO may ACTUALLY feel the same way his/herself.
A "romantic comedy"? Holy crap.... that is an insanely out of touch remark.
Why exactly the hell is everyone dog-piling on this other girl?
Stop it.
She hung in there for the guy she wanted to be with. And she got him. Why should she feel bad at all?
Cripes, this is the theme of every other romantic comedy out there and posters are treating this individual like some kind of tramp.
Check your baggage please. And be aware of when you are projecting ... because there is an awful lot of it going on here.
Everyone in this scenario is better off. Perhaps most of all the GF that hung around for 5 years ... BY HER CHOICE. Now she is free to move on.
And Mestalla and his girl ... friend, are free to see if they can make a go of it.
Win/win wouldn't you think?
I think we would rather help people to realise what they're doing and to stop living a lie and wasting 15 years of life at the same time.......that is his 5 years; the gf's 5 years and the friend girl's 5 years.
Really?! it's funny that the quote in your signature says "And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears". Seems to me that love has done nothing but broken one person's heart and confirmed her fears.
So ... she would have been better off staying with a guy that didn't truly love her and just tolerating the friendship?
Quote:
Originally Posted by in my tree
As for the part that I bolded - oh, I don't know. Maybe because it was the way in which she got him? As a mod you HAVE to know that this would hit a lot of people hard. No, they weren't married but it was a ltr and many people here can relate to the fear that the "friend" in their SO's life has more intentions than s/he is letting on and that their SO may ACTUALLY feel the same way his/herself.
In which case they would be best served by stating a hard boundary, just like the ex-gf did, which in turn ended the charade.
LOTS of things here hit people hard. It does not give a free pass to take shots at those whose experience or stories, bring up our own issues as a result. Telling Mestalla Guy that he has a lot to learn about boundaries, awareness, and behaving responsibly in a relationship are acceptable. Speculating that either he or his friend are evil or unbalanced is not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by in my tree
A "romantic comedy"? Holy crap.... that is an insanely out of touch remark.
Insane? Yes. A little bit.
Out of touch? Never have been accused of that ... well I have now ...
I actually took ownership earlier in the thread that a friendship I had (not at all like the OP's friendship), destabilized my own marriage and hurt my now, ex-spouse, whom I loved very much. So no, I don't think I'm out of touch.
In Mestalla Guy's case, does the ex-GF hurt? Without a doubt. Are they both better served by this relationship being over? Without a doubt.
I think we would rather help people to realise what they're doing and to stop living a lie and wasting 15 years of life at the same time.......that is his 5 years; the gf's 5 years and the friend girl's 5 years.
Now see ... I thought that is exactly what just happened. We did help.
And as for wasting life, it is their lives to decide to live as they choose. Not ours to decide what was 'wasted'.
I believe that all parties in this case are better served by this outcome, as no doubt painful and awkward as it is.
Now should have OP stayed in his relationship? probably not, but it most certainly suffered because it had an interloper hovering around and interrupting any chance it fully developing or allowing it to peter out in its own course. OP devoted time, energy and emotion towards the BFF, all of which could have been spent on his GF and she was robbed of any real chance to have their relationship grow and for them to bond.
The OP was living with his GF. In my book that is almost the same as being married. All my responses have been the same as I would have given to a spouse having an EA. I don't consider that "dog-piling."
She hung in there for the guy she wanted to be with. And she got him. Why should she feel bad at all?
That was the exact point we were trying to make. Mestalla was saying she felt bad and we were saying that it is not likely she truly feels bad. Since she got what she wanted.
I do agree though that everyone is better off now. The GF doesn't have to deal with the emotional affair/third party in her relationship, Mestalla and his friend girl are free to be together now w/o the deceit/harming his girlfriend behind her back.
I really don't want this to turn into a thread jack.
I think that the OP has learned a tremendous amount from the input here. Very beneficial input, and people who have been on both sides of this equation, letting him know that it is hurtful.
I also think that it is absolutely possible and more than likely that the friend, does feel bad that the ex-GF got hurt, but is very happy that she and Mestalla now have the opportunity to see if they can make it work.
Virtually everyone participating in this thread called it for what it was within the first 5 pages.
And now, what it IS has come to light and played out.
I simply don't see that it does anyone any good to try and demonize the OP or the friend at this point.
That was why I asked people to be aware of projecting their own circumstances.
I apologize for injecting an analogy that was inappropriate and offended anyone. It only further derailed the thread.
My only concern is that she doesn't listen to OP. He says he's not ready - she pushes. His prize is his punishment. Posted via Mobile Device
This is my concern for the OP, too. Whilst the victim in this scenario is undoubtedly the ex-GF, if the friend is the go-getter she sounds, the OP could end up with more than he's bargained for here. The friend is already talking about children, and I'd hate to think that Metalla might suddenly find himself with a fait accompli in this regard...
I just want to see an update on this in a couple of years. Then forward it to OP's ex gf. so she can feel some sense of satisfaction. The 'friend' is like a bulldozer. Takes anything she wants and leaves nothing in her wake. She's obviously been doing some major brainwashing talking about wanting kids for a while, prepping the OP, if you will. Now she'll strike while the iron's hot. I wouldn't be shocked if she got pregnant accidentally on purpose some time soon. You know how they say if you repeat an affirmation for 30 days in a row, your brain begins to believe it? Same thing. Except she had 5 years. I strongly suggest the OP take a time out, a long one and thinks about what he wants. Not what she wants him to want. Know what I mean?
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Re: Girlfriend dosnt like my friend 
