My best friend happens to be a girl, we have a lot in common and have the same interests, we spend quite a bit of time together, but we are just friends. My girlfriend has just told me that she isn't happy about this situation and wants me to stop seeing my friend alone. It seems unfair to me? I think it's quite old fashioned that I can't be friends with a girl and I'm upset that she dosnt trust me, vie told my friend because I don't like keeping things from her and she says that I shouldn't let my girlfriend choose my friends for me. Any advice? Posted via Mobile Device
My best friend happens to be a girl, we have a lot in common and have the same interests, we spend quite a bit of time together, but we are just friends. My girlfriend has just told me that she isn't happy about this situation and wants me to stop seeing my friend alone. It seems unfair to me? I think it's quite old fashioned that I can't be friends with a girl and I'm upset that she dosnt trust me, vie told my friend because I don't like keeping things from her and she says that I shouldn't let my girlfriend choose my friends for me. Any advice? Posted via Mobile Device
Should not your wife be your new best friend? Don't you think that maybe your wife is insulted and threatened because there is another woman in your life that you feel so comfortable with, share time with, confide in etc? Should not your wife be that person in your life now?
In a marriage, both H and W should be best friends with each other. There is no room in a marriage for you, as an individual, to have another woman in your life who is not a family member. Apparently this female friend is not a friend of your wife's? Don't you see where this has the potential of causing conflict in your marriage?
ETA: Okay I now read that you aren't married to your gf. Other woman is still a threat to the relationship and the decision you make in regards to the friend might cause your new gf to move on. Is that what you want? What are your intentions with your new gf?
My best friend happens to be a girl, we have a lot in common and have the same interests, we spend quite a bit of time together, but we are just friends. My girlfriend has just told me that she isn't happy about this situation and wants me to stop seeing my friend alone. It seems unfair to me? I think it's quite old fashioned that I can't be friends with a girl and I'm upset that she dosnt trust me, vie told my friend because I don't like keeping things from her and she says that I shouldn't let my girlfriend choose my friends for me. Any advice? Posted via Mobile Device
Simple pick one or the other. You can't have both. It's a choice in life we all have to make. If you are unwilling to let go of your friend then maybe there is more there than just friend ship. If you want to stay with your girlfriend and eventually marry her. Then you need to let the friend go.
If you aren't serious with your girlfriend and you are just playing the field then you are fine. But eventually if you get in an exclusive long term relationship with a woman other than your best friend. You will have to end the friendship and go your separate ways. If you can't bear to do that then maybe you are dating the wrong woman.
__________________ evidence gathering thread the lie and the truth
There is nothing noble in being superior to your Fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self.
--Ernest Hemingway--
Well I've been with my gf for over 5 years, it's serious relationship and I love her very much, we live together. We don't share the same hobbies, which I don't see as a major problem, I like that we are different people. My friend does share the same interests, we are just really good friends, if she was a guy there wouldn't be a problem, and I think that's wrong to be honest. My gf has a male friend (yes he's gay) but what's the difference? My friend and girlfriend don't get on all that well, not as much I would like anyway. Posted via Mobile Device
Simple pick one or the other. You can't have both. It's a choice in life we all have to make. If you are unwilling to let go of your friend then maybe there is more there than just friend ship. If you want to stay with your girlfriend and eventually marry her. Then you need to let the friend go.
If you aren't serious with your girlfriend and you are just playing the field then you are fine. But eventually if you get in an exclusive long term relationship with a woman other than your best friend. You will have to end the friendship and go your separate ways. If you can't bear to do that then maybe you are dating the wrong woman.
Thnaks for the reply, but isn't that a really old fashioned way of looking at things, why can't I be friends with a girl? I don't really understand whats wrong with that, we are good friends and I shouldn't have to put here out of life Posted via Mobile Device
Well I've been with my gf for over 5 years, it's serious relationship and I love her very much, we live together. We don't share the same hobbies, which I don't see as a major problem, I like that we are different people. My friend does share the same interests, we are just really good friends, if she was a guy there wouldn't be a problem, and I think that's wrong to be honest. My gf has a male friend (yes he's gay) but what's the difference? My friend and girlfriend don't get on all that well, not as much I would like anyway. Posted via Mobile Device
Why is it that they don't get along? Can you give an example?
Sometimes men don't see how women can get a bit "catty" with each other, or the subtle insults such as calling each other "dear" when they don't mean it. There has to be a reason that your current gf doesn't like this female friend of yours and it's more than just her gender.
Well I've been with my gf for over 5 years, it's serious relationship and I love her very much, we live together. We don't share the same hobbies, which I don't see as a major problem, I like that we are different people. My friend does share the same interests, we are just really good friends, if she was a guy there wouldn't be a problem, and I think that's wrong to be honest. My gf has a male friend (yes he's gay) but what's the difference? My friend and girlfriend don't get on all that well, not as much I would like anyway. Posted via Mobile Device
Oh there's a major difference. If anything, you already know your gf won't be crossing the friendship boundaries with her gay friend and there are no worries from your part.
While there could be chances for you to cross the friendship line with your friend. So that's the main difference between your friendship and your gf's friendship.
Obviously, if you pass a lot of time with your friend and you share a lot in common I can see how this is a threat to your relationship.
If you value your relationship more then distance yourself from the friendship.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Thnaks for the reply, but isn't that a really old fashioned way of looking at things, why can't I be friends with a girl? I don't really understand whats wrong with that, we are good friends and I shouldn't have to put here out of life Posted via Mobile Device
She's not asking you not to be friends with a girl, she simply asked you not to spend alone time with your friend.
There's a difference.
You seem to worry more about the fact that your gf's request sounds old fashioned, rather than the actual request itself.
Quit calling it "old fashioned" and focus more on thinking how much this means to your long time girlfriend.
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Last edited by lovelygirl; 07-16-2012 at 12:43 PM.
Why is it that they don't get along? Can you give an example?
Sometimes men don't see how women can get a bit "catty" with each other, or the subtle insults such as calling each other "dear" when they don't mean it. There has to be a reason that your current gf doesn't like this female friend of yours and it's more than just her gender.
I can't quite put my finger on why they aren't good friends by now, like I've said they have different interests, and just have different personalities. I have tried to include my gf more but they both don't seem comfortable when the other is around. My friend went a bit funny with me when I first met my gf, but that was probably down to the fact that we spent less time hanging out, a guy would react in the same way if his friend suddenly became less available. Posted via Mobile Device
She's not asking you not to be friends with a girl, she simply asked you not to spend alone time with your friend.
There's a difference.
You seem to worry more about that fact that your gf's request sounds old fashioned, rather than the actual request itself.
Quit calling it "old fashioned" and focus more on thinking how much this means to your long time girlfriend.
I can see what you're saying, but my point is, why can't I spend alone time with my friend, if she happened to be male it wouldn't even be a question Posted via Mobile Device
My best friend happens to be a girl, we have a lot in common and have the same interests, we spend quite a bit of time together, but we are just friends. My girlfriend has just told me that she isn't happy about this situation and wants me to stop seeing my friend alone. It seems unfair to me? I think it's quite old fashioned that I can't be friends with a girl and I'm upset that she dosnt trust me, vie told my friend because I don't like keeping things from her and she says that I shouldn't let my girlfriend choose my friends for me. Any advice? Posted via Mobile Device
Answer truthfully to this questions (for yourself, you don't even have to tell us the answers):
1- Is my "friend" sexually attractive?
2- Can i see myself getting into a relationship with this woman?
3- Is keeping this friend more important to me than the pain and distrust this causes in my GF?
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions then your GF has every reason to be concerned about it.
And i would call attention for this little sentence that i find very revealing:
Quote:
told my friend because I don't like keeping things from her
You feel a deeper need to be loyal to this woman than your GF. This is signaled in your GF's radar as should be. Come on, be honest with yourself first and foremost. Why do you keep this woman around? You know your GF doesn't like it and you still do it.
Quote:
she says that I shouldn't let my girlfriend choose my friends for me.
Imagine this scene in a movie. Why does a woman keeps herself around a guy whose girlfriend is feeling threatened by her? Smell the gunpowder. This woman has an interest in you. And your girlfriend senses this (it's more obvious for a third person to sense it).
So my personal advice is that you consider who you want to be with and mainly be honest with yourself. Before you do something stupid like cheating on your girlfriend.
Quote:
I think it's quite old fashioned that I can't be friends with a girl
Really? Does your girlfriend has a male friend who is always around? One that she has common interests with? One she shares secrets with? Does she? If she does and you're not threatened by that then your not a very intelligent person. Jealousy isn't about fashion.
they arent comfortable bc the girlfriend is probably getting vibes of THIS IS MY TERRITORY from your bestie.
Dump the friend or dump the girlfriend.You really have no other options at this point.
And I will venture to say the bestie has buried feelings for you and that's why she keeps you around instead of focusing on a boyfriend/relationship of her own.
Women have the ability to see many things in other women that men simply don't always see.Your girlfriend feels threatened by this chick for a reason.
I can't quite put my finger on why they aren't good friends by now, like I've said they have different interests, and just have different personalities. I have tried to include my gf more but they both don't seem comfortable when the other is around Posted via Mobile Device
Subliminal message? You have tried to include your gf more rather than saying that you have tried to include your friend more (into your relationship with your gf)? Are you perhaps putting your friend ahead of your gf? And perhaps your gf senses this priority? Are you orchestrating two women against each other, and now wondering why they can't get along?
they arent comfortable bc the girlfriend is probably getting vibes of THIS IS MY TERRITORY from your bestie.
Dump the friend or dump the girlfriend.You really have no other options at this point.
And I will venture to say the bestie has buried feelings for you and that's why she keeps you around instead of focusing on a boyfriend/relationship of her own.
Women have the ability to see many things in other women that men simply don't always see.Your girlfriend feels threatened by this chick for a reason.
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Girlfriend dosnt like my friend 
