havana20

question for all the recently or older betrayed spouses,,,how do you stop loving your wayward spouse after he cheated on you?
i cant believe the tremendous amount of pain i feel

daggeredheart

You don't stop loving them, impossible to do that...what you decide to stop is letting yourself fall into despair over them. One second at a time.... claw your way back up and over, dust off and chart your course....either to repair or move on. Your love for them goes to the grave, it's just the relationship you need to figure out.

havana20

what happened to your relationship if i may ask?

havana20

im just so devestated

norajane

I'm so sorry.

You can't stop loving them, certainly not right away. Those are your feelings, they're legitimate, and they're real. They take time to develop, and they take time to put away.

When I'd feel the worst, I'd keep repeating to myself: I may love him but he is NOT good for me.

It didn't cure anything, but it helped me stay strong, enough to get by another day.

havana20

thank you for your replies,,,,,,did you ever find out why the affair happened? i know i didnt do anything wrong to him,,maybe i loved him too much,,,

norajane

It's not you or anything you did. It never is. It's always something within the cheater that allows them to do the wrong thing even though they know better.

Whatever his reasons/excuses are, he could always have talked with you about it and tried to work on your relationship, he could have broken up with you, he could have told you he met someone else...he could have done a lot of things instead of cheating and making you hurt like this.

It's selfish. He's selfish. And that allowed him to be hurtful to you.

havana20

i know thats true but i guess i just havent accepted it yet,,,,i always took the blame for everything,,,,,its just such a intense pain