OK, I think I might lose it here. I was looking for my husband's expired credit card to replace it with the new one I have forgotten to give him for two weeks now. While searching for the card I found a receipt. It was dated 7/6 and it was a layaway receipt for a promise ring. WHAT THE HELL? Why would a 48 year old grown married man need with a promise ring? My radar is SO buzzing right now!!! Don't tell me to just ask him. I'm not going to give up things I've found until I can prove or disprove he is up to something. He had me thinking I was crazy when I found proof of his affair before he came clean. No thank you! Someone give me one good reason for this. I tend to still only believe the worst. HELP!!!
I already scanned and put it back. No daughters. No up coming birthday or anniversary or other special occasion. He says he is happier than he has been in 15 years. Says he's all for me going back to school this Fall. Says he wishes I could believe he loves me. He planned the affair, told so many lies I can't count, was devious and sneaky to an extreme, planned to just divorce me and move on. Me, I don't trust him. I can't let myself believe he loves me. I keep wondering if he came back just because it would cost too much to divorce me (mutual guy friend says that he thinks that was why he came back, this guy knew about the affair when it was happening). He is so good at lying and manipulating that I'm afraid that he is just waiting to graduate from college and get a much better job so that he can afford the alimony. This is really making me trigger BIG!!!
Reproposing to you maybe? Have you been wearing your ring? I know my WW is bothered that I stopped wearing mine on DD over three years ago... I think she's thought about buying a new ring for me, but is scared as hell I'd say 'no'.
Just try to stay calm, breathe, and whatnot. Stay patient. It is hard as hell I know.
I already scanned and put it back. No daughters. No up coming birthday or anniversary or other special occasion. He says he is happier than he has been in 15 years. Says he's all for me going back to school this Fall. Says he wishes I could believe he loves me. He planned the affair, told so many lies I can't count, was devious and sneaky to an extreme, planned to just divorce me and move on. Me, I don't trust him. I can't let myself believe he loves me. I keep wondering if he came back just because it would cost too much to divorce me (mutual guy friend says that he thinks that was why he came back, this guy knew about the affair when it was happening). He is so good at lying and manipulating that I'm afraid that he is just waiting to graduate from college and get a much better job so that he can afford the alimony. This is really making me trigger BIG!!!
Since you have already discovered his affair, I think its fair to say you are going to have to dig a little. It very well may be something for you, him trying to prove his loyalty to you. You didn't really give enough information for anyone to give you a solid answer. When was Dday? What are your marital boundaries now? Etc, etc
DDay was January 2011. He had an affair (long distance and then they made it physical) with his best friend's wife. Then told everyone in his family we had decided to divorce because of irreconcilable differences. Tried to divorce me but I wouldn't sign. Took a month to get him to confess. Said he was stupid. Said it was just an ego thing. But he had told her he loved her, told her he wanted to be with her, had gone to see a lawyer. As far as I can prove he hasn't had any contact since then but he has email at work I can't see and he had used a pre-paid phone when I found the phone records so that means nothing. He acts different yet he has done nothing about the things that were making me unhappy before the affair although I have done everything to change what he claims made him unhappy. I'm panicking right now. I don't have a job because I am supposed to go back to school next month. If he is seeing someone else again he had BETTER get a new high paying job with that degree that I helped him get because he's going to need it!
DDay was January 2011. He had an affair (long distance and then they made it physical) with his best friend's wife. Then told everyone in his family we had decided to divorce because of irreconcilable differences. Tried to divorce me but I wouldn't sign. Took a month to get him to confess. Said he was stupid. Said it was just an ego thing. But he had told her he loved her, told her he wanted to be with her, had gone to see a lawyer. As far as I can prove he hasn't had any contact since then but he has email at work I can't see and he had used a pre-paid phone when I found the phone records so that means nothing. He acts different yet he has done nothing about the things that were making me unhappy before the affair although I have done everything to change what he claims made him unhappy. I'm panicking right now. I don't have a job because I am supposed to go back to school next month. If he is seeing someone else again he had BETTER get a new high paying job with that degree that I helped him get because he's going to need it!
Oh, God. I am so sorry for you. This must hurt like Hell. But we have all been there. And we'll be here for you.
Our 30th anniversary will be in October. I don't have much job experience but I had one for over a year after he said he wanted a divorce. I stopped because of a injury that won't allow me to do work on my feet any more. I didn't try to find another because he talked me into taking a scholarship I was offered to go back to school. This is so frightening on so many different levels. He works nights and is sleeping now. I just want to go shake the crap out of him and ask him what he is doing. If he is up to something he'd just lie. I know I have to wait but I can't stand the idea of being made a fool of again. It has taken so long to just let him tough me without feeling physically ill. I'm not like him, I'm not good at hiding what I'm feeling. This is going to be difficult.
You have suddenly come down with something that is making you feel REALLY dizzy and nauseous and you think you should perhaps go to bed.
It doesn't sound to me like he's done a damned thing to prove himself to you. It sounds like both of you have pretty much swept everything under the rug. You should have access to his work email, phone bills, cc statements, bank accounts, phone, EVERYthing. If he balks at any of this, that's a dealbreaker.
Sorry to say, if I were you I'd start getting things put aside in case he's on his way out the door. I would also start investigating. Can you get a VAR in his car and/or a keylogger on him?
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Why would a 48 year old grown married man need with a promise ring? My radar is SO buzzing right now!!! Don't tell me to just ask him. I'm not going to give up things I've found until I can prove or disprove he is up to something. He had me thinking I was crazy when I found proof of his affair before he came clean. No thank you! Someone give me one good reason for this. I tend to still only believe the worst. HELP!!!
Re: Need feedback NOW please!!! 
