reidqa

Understand that you now have the answer to whether you wife is the cheating type.

Two options for today's new man:

Stay with her; which is showing her that there is no penalty for doing it. Then wait for the next time, which will certainly be in your future or live with the memories until you pass away.

Listen and understand: Be hurt,betrayed,and sad that she ruined the relationship built on trust. Talk out you feelings with her to get things out for both of you. Then tell her you understand her explanation, you still care about her, and accept what she did. Then tell her you hope she understands now, just like she said she did when you got married, that you can not be with someone that you cannot trust. If she "learned her lesson" or "mistake", remind her that now she knows the consequences, when she finds someone else. Then offer to help her pack.

Shocked, such is growing as the penulum swings in the opposite direction. Too many "you will forgive and forget sites, books and advise out there" rather than I want to hate, have my cup of tea, revenge etc.

Oh FYI, women groups also growing.

Tim

revenge sucks, but I'm not sure if thats what you are advocating.

Men's and Women's codependent groups are very good. I am looking for one in my area... people that get cheated on are typically codependent, and they are the ones that are most likely to stay in the face of blatant disrespect from their spouses.

findingpeace

Tim I agree with you and as far as revenge goes I beleive in being the better person not the bitter person what does revenge accomplish isnt it a selfish act to appease ourselves just as adultry is a selfish act to please the cheater do we want to be at the same level as they I dont just a thought

AZMOMOFTWO

Really? That sucks. I was cheated on and stayed but would hate it if I was codependent. I think that's what keeps me from really committing to taking him back, don't want to lose my independence. Crap! Its like being between a rock and a hard place.

reidqa

People,

No not revenge, but support to take the plunge off the cliff to leave the cheating spouse. Why after all there is enough forgive and forget sites, why not ones helping spouses loved ones get out.

As a counselor told me many years ago, you can use the negative to a positive action.

There is way too many people in unhappy relationships becuase they cannot forgive or forget.

Tim

Well being cheated on is a normal part of a relationship. Working through infidelity is perfectly a healthy thing to do if you have an otherwise healthy relationship. But if you feel that you are the one that is holding this relationship together, theres something very wrong....and ironically its you! Letting yourself be walked all over, disrespected, yelled at, abused, lied to etc is a sign of being codependent. The other aspect of being codependent is thinking that you can change your spouse's behavior, what they think of you, and make them see how wrong THEY are by acting 'good' and trying harder to be 'good' yourself.

If thats you, I would suggest you join me and a number of growing people on this forum to try to change. Being codependent wont get you anywhere but a life of hell. It affects every aspect of your life. And if you think that giving massages and doing dishes more etc will make your husband love you more and be more transparent with you...I'm sorry...life doesnt work that way.

I know its scary to change because it will flip your life upside down, but sometimes the only way to get out of the eye of a storm is to go through the damned tornado.

reidqa

Tim,

No codependency but husbands and wives that cannot forive and is suffering.

Theae people need the support to push the door open to realtionship freedom.