d00dl3z

So...very long story made extremely short. Married 18.5 years. I was inattentive and not very "there" for about a year prior. Wife established a secret email account, looked up people on Craigslist. Met at least 3 of them - supposedly never did anything other than kiss one. Met a 4th and had a sexual affair with him. I discovered it a month later when I am in her main email account and see an email from her to an unknown address with a pic of herself. I hack the account and discover what's been going on and confront her with it. The guy she f****d is a family therapist, of all things! G*d d**n!!! I have more detail than anyone should ever be allowed to have - I've grilled her for 2 months about it, detail after detail. I know when, where, how, how long, how much, what, and anything and everything in between.

Fast forward 2.5 months. We've argued, fought, said ugly things, I've made threats. We are attempting to reconcile. We are seeing a "real" therapist. We still live together, sleep together, make love together, go to church together, deal with our children together, etc.

Now is where this gets weird. About our sex life - we are pretty racy. Nothing bizarre, just lots of dirty talk, no limits on orifices or frequency. Our sex life has always been like this. And, probably, a little more so since the affair. ...I still haven't gotten to the weird part yet... So, we occasionally watch porn and fantasize. Recently, within the past couple weeks, we've been fantasizing about involving another woman. We've gone so far as to seek someone out. We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things. Either one of us has the ability to "tap out" if we decide we don't want to follow through with this "thing."

On one hand, I think we shouldn't do this due to the moral implications. On the other hand, this is her 2nd sexual affair and 6th or 7th emotional affair. (There were multiple "friends" on Craigslist that she was emotionally intimate with.) Honestly? I feel a little justified in going ahead ad pursuing this 3some. I am confused and can't make up my mind which way to go.

Posting this here (hopefully in the right area) to seek the advise of others in an anonymous way. Hopefully, folks will feel free to be open and honest. Let me know your thoughts, but please don't crucify me. I'm being honest here.

I'm The Prize

You said "We are very religious people. I am the leader in my home and the final say on things."

Because you said this I'd like to know what religion before I answer.

mestalla guy

I was about to ask the same question
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SomedayDig

Yeah, dude...I hate to be a downer, but she probably did more with the other guys than she let on to. I'm not saying that to be a jerk, either. I'm saying that because what you are experiencing is called trickle truth. When the wayward spouse tells you something but it isn't the entire truth that you need or deserve. Yes, she told you about the counselor guy. Which is a big no no in his profession and if it were me, I'd seek legal counsel against him - but that's another story.

Three some. Hmmm..again, that's a slippery slope. Pardon the pun. While it is definitely nice to have fantasy, you have to be fully prepared to deal with the reality once it's lying there spread eagle for you to "enjoy".

If it were me, and I'll be honest - having another chick with my wife and me would be awesome! However, it probably isn't the right time to involve someone else in an otherwise messy (there I go again) situation.

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EleGirl

Three some's usually do not end well in a relationship. It sounds like you want to have a revenge affair and have hit on this as a 'safe' way to have one... plus she would have to watch you do this so it might be even more appealing.

I assume you are up for a wmw type 3some. How about a mwm 3some? You game for that as well?

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Caribbean Man

"..Religion is the opiate of the masses.."
Karl Marx.

I don't think that there is a nexus between the OP delima and his religion. Everybody professes to believe in something. Even the Atheist and the Agnostic.
The OP is asking why is he feeling this way?
Maybe it is because he has lost faith after facing betrayal after betrayal in what he believed in.
Sounds like he is in a downward spiral to me........

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iheartlife

Hope you reported the "therapist"--if he's licensed. Or try the local better business bureau--and I'm dead serious.
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Count of Monte Cristo

I lost my religion a long time ago. You said that you and the wife are very religious, yet you want to do things that most organized religion preaches against? I'm not one to judge because I think I've led a very sheltered existence. In fact, in one of ex's email conversations to the OM she said that I was too conservative. So be it. Realize that in threesomes there's always a third wheel and don't be surprised if you end up being it. WOW!

Plan 9 from OS

Is the OP real or fiction? I can't help but think it is the latter...

How many religious people go every orifice without inhibitions or limits? How many religious men would decide to have sex with the wife after she looked for sex on craigslist, AND has an even more colorful sex life afterwards? And finally, how many religious men would decide to strongly consider having a threesome after his spouse cheated on him with multiple men?

If they are very religious and Christian, then I strongly, strongly doubt that anal sex is even a part of the equation, and oral sex is likely only for a short period of time only. Deeply religious Christians would believe that you could only ejaculate in the vagina and that anywhere else is a sin.

mestalla guy

Welcome to Americas underground Christian movement
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Count of Monte Cristo

You'd be surprised. Think Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker. What about the TV evangelist that was caught trolling for young men in a gay online escort site? Whether one is religious or not has no impact on their sexual proclivities.

I'm The Prize

If he is a Christian he has no right to proclaim his headship when he brought porn into the relationship and then was surprised that she figured she could ignore other sexual sins. Then he compounds it with wanting to have a threesome? This guys trolling or he is the most uncommitted Christian I've come across. Is she 100% to blame for the affair? You bet. Should he be surprised? Absolutely not! You reap what you sew.
Wouldn't have made the comment had he not made such a big deal out of saying he was religious.

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Plan 9 from OS

Oh I won't deny that Christians can be hypocrites on a wide variety of issues - including those of a sexual nature. What strikes me as odd is that given the anonymity of the web, there is no reason to put up a facade about being a Christian. The logical play, if this is true, would be to simply state his problem and leave his religious convictions out of the OP. No reason to try to convince us that he's a devout, holy man. Just doesn't compute in my book.

d00dl3z

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OldWolf57

leave it alone dude. ?? who brought up the 3some 1st. If it was her, then she is just wanting to continue do other guys. BC that will be, "well we did your thing, so let do mine now".