Lostwithoutwords

This up coming monday will mark the first yr of our marriage and man has it been an emotional journey. It's like a roller coaster that keeps going up and down and in circles. Basically, to sum up my journey in a nut shell. My and I was living in different states due to employment choices. I did not find a job right away which it took almost two years. During the two yrs I was planning a wedding. We got married last July. I finally landed a job and moved in with him in Sept. of 2011 with our son. I didn't last even two wks before I took her child backed up and left. He dropped the bomb on me that he had cheated on me with someone. At that moment that he had told me I felt like my world came crashing and my heart was ripped out of my chest. He broke our vows before we could say I do.

I moved for 6 months which i became an emotional wreck. Within those months I had lost jobs. Everything seemed like it was falling apart around me. During that time we still kept in touch and saw one another. As months went along his decision of wanting to still be with me constantly changed . He said that he wanted to work things out and that I should start looking for employment. So I did with the hope that everything was going to be okay and we could get back on track. I felt like mentally I was able to handle it the second time around. I finally moved down here landed a job which I lost b/c my issues at home was effecting my work performance. During the course of me moving back in he changed his mind about us being together a million times. It seemed like he knew what to say to me at the right time to make me feel like there was hope.

Even now he has not severed tieds with her. He did something really horrible to her and he is in a lot of trouble that is costing him to lose his job. Even with a restraining order their still communicating. I can not stand this woman for the simple fact that she keeps intervening in our marriage which he allows it and has not tried to put a stop to it. He tells me that he couldn't ask for a better wife and he has everything in front of him. He doesn't have any complaints about me. He has mentioned to me before that he can see him spending the rest of his life with me but as long as shes in the picture it makes things difficult for us. He has mentioned to me before loves her and when I was not around she took my place. But, we are still emotionally connected. It's confusing and complicated. I told him that he rather give up our 7 yrs for a woman that is just getting divorced as 3 children and their relationship has been nothing but choas and violent. He said if he wants to be with her then he has to accept them too. WTF


He has hurt me to the point that I have started to become numb and unsure about him. Being here and doing the work that he does has changed him. Sometimes I look at him and don't know who he is and it seems like the words that come out of his mouth I can't believe b/c all he has been doing to me is lying. Even when he tells the truth I think he's lying until he proves me wrong. . My husbands says he has made a mistake that has caused our relationship to be the way that it is and he regrets even moving out here to take the job. I don't know!!!!!! ugh